50 years of age and newly estranged from my entire family
Hi all,
Recently "ran away" from my family and went no contact. Currently living at a buddhist center.
Estrangement is an unexplainable experience beyond my cognition or comprehension. I just knew I needed to go, and that it was and is my responsibilty to choose looking forward instead of looking back. Me being in the 7C community is looking forward. I'm pressing reset and learning to build the foundation for the actual support I need - and want - to create all the good in my life that I've prayed for and been gifted the vision of.
Feeling quite bruised and very tender, actually feeling though. Step by step. 🌹
Congrats on getting yourself out of a horrible situation...that's what it sounds like, anyway. If you stay on this path, surely you will experience better days.
@decisiveBranch2794 why did you run away?
@joiejeveux hi thanks for asking. Wow, I've been so clammed up about it that this question stumped me. Hmm... where do I begin?... I will say that I ran away because I started to notice the more I improved my mental health, the more distance I felt, and the more combative things became. The psycological harm has been going on unbeknowst to me for almost a lifetime, and then gradually i grew into the wisdom of what was happening. When I tried "discussing it like a rational adult" I was in for a very very rude awakening. It declined more and more with each attempt to repair / heal. It was rough. The last straw is when I lost my job and was evicted, and they were going to let me sleep in the street OR "force" me to live with a brother that hates me (they invited me to live with him, unbeknownst to him...) and said if i sleep on the street then that's my choice because I should ask said brother. That was way too much going on. That was the last straw for me.
Hi! Sorry for my late reply. Did not really know how to use the app yet. I just saw now that you replied. Sorry to hear about what happened to you.. I actually do not know what to say cause family issues are usually more personal than it appears in story. So I am pretty sure I cannot grasp the depth of emotions you felt that time.
Hi @joiejeveux it's ok thank you. Understandable there is a learning curve for sure, it's totally ok.
Thank you 🙏🏾
It's ok that you do not know what to say, it is very difficult to know what to say, as estrangement is not common. Personal is a good word. And, I would say there's an element of privacy that moves in to sectecrecy and then shame for many people too. That's what was happening on my end also. So yes I agree with you there. There's a lot that led up to that that is not mentioned here.
Emotions - they accumulated over time, leaving was freeing and brought a sense of safety, peace of mind, and comfort that I yearned for. The confusion was knowing that the goodness in life "should have" been celebrated with them. I'm learning to reconcile it all and go on with my life. For that, I'm grateful for saying yes to me and keeping myself safe while staying open to the possibility of true goodness in my life 🌹💖
Thank you for your post, and I hope things are going ok for you in life too 😇🌹
Thanks a lot. Yes, things seem to get better for me. Probably also because of my mental health now. And also, with God’s help of course. I hope, wish, and pray for your complete healing and may you continue to find your path and become in the best possible situation/place you can be in. ☺️
@joiejeveux hi 🌹 that's wonderful news on all counts - things getting better, your mental health, and your connection to God.
What a beautiful thing to say, I sincerely thank you 🙏🏾 and I say it to you as well - I hope, wish and pray for your complete healing too, and may you continue to find your path and become in the best possible situation/ place you can be in, too 💖🌹😊
@joiejeveux i'm safe now thank goodness, as safe as can be. Now i'm taking the time to heal and tend to my soul, slowly build my life from scratch💛 and do my "estrangement work". There's a self study program for estraged adults. It's very helpful. Thank you again for asking 🌹
Glad to know you are taking your time to heal now. And I wish that you continue in your path of healing. 🙂
@joiejeveux thank you 🙏🏾 wishing the same for you 🌹
Hi Decisive. I estranged myself from my parents 2 years ago. It definitely felt very freeing, although scary and painful at the same time. (I keep minimal contact with some other family)
For me it has definitely gotten easier to cope with with time.
I hope that you are able to find the peace that you deserve 🥰
@ashjaneb oh wow. May we know why? If you don't want to share that's ok too. Yes I can relate to / understand the freeing and painful, yes exactly. Understood - minimal contact with other family.
Oh wow ok, that's good to know. My brain has been going numb about it, glad that it's gotten easier for you to cope with time. 🌹
Thank you, I hope you do as well 🌹
Your courage and self-awareness are truly inspiring.
Leaving toxicity behind and embracing a new path takes immense strength.
The Buddhist center sounds like a nurturing environment for healing and growth.
Remember, estrangement can be a necessary step towards:
1. Self-preservation
2. Emotional safety
3. Rebuilding identity
You're taking ownership of your life and creating a supportive foundation.
Celebrate small victories, and be gentle with yourself.
Some suggestions:
1. Mindfulness practices for emotional regulation
2. Journaling for reflection and release
3. Connecting with others who understand
You're not alone.
Keep moving forward, and know that:
Your worth and value come from within.
Your resilience will carry you through.
@decisiveBranch2794
hi i left my family and city we growup in too. on may 17th 2017. we proud of you for doing what best for you. it was very hard at first still is some days too. but for me it gave freedom and we feel safe for first time ever. i do keep in connected with my parents mostly due to they both 81yr old and in bad health. but other then that we not talk to any of the others in our family.
it a brave thing to run away from them one feel unsafe being around or just one who needs change in life. so way to go
Hi @stormieandpaws
Oh wow ok. Understandable that it was very hard at first. Agree, similar experience with leaving as well. Yes that freedom and safety part, really glad of that for you all, and wishing you comfort on the tender days 🌹
Oh wow ok,.do your parents live nearby so you can visit? And that's a noble choice to keep in contact with them too. 🌹
@decisiveBranch2794
we believe in forgiving others but can do that and stay safe too. we not feel safe visiting parent's home. but we left the door open for them to come to our apartment too. that why we safe and some what in control what we will go though if that makes since to you and others. but many not understand what forgiveness is as it not saying they no longer not in blame and they did not do what they did. forgiveness is for the person that was hurt. so they no longer have to hold unto the things that happened. they free to heal and let go of what happened. this also not mean they will not remember what happened either. it not forgive and forget as many think must happen. it just letting go. there a lot of healing in just that too.
@stormieandpaws thank you. Yes it takes all the courage I can muster. 🌹 Ty.
@decisiveBranch2794
thank you i only now keep in contacted with them by phone. they use to visit some. but now they cqan not my dad after back surgery end up in wheelchair, he not seeming to get better he weak needs help with many things. my mom has Parkinson and it getting worst. they live about 90 min away. but i not drive and would not visit them. my oldest brother lives in RV in their yard. he one of my main abusers as a child and teen. he still very much not nice to me. reason i keep in connected with my parents is they both 81yr old and i care about them love them. but they not safe to be around. due to mental, emotional verbal and spiritual abuse mostly from my dad and my brother. i being told that i moved away when my parents needed me. also that i abandoned my mother. she was very co-deponent on me. i had been her emotional support from a very young age. so me moving away broke that fully. yes there days i feel bad for them and feel guilty for moving away, but i did what needed to be done for my safety and well being. that very new for me to do as before i do what others wanted me to due. even when was unsafe and not good for me. more healing i do more i see that them things were not safe and hurt me more then i even know. healing a journey it can not be done over night. also only the brave due it as it hard work too.
take care
@decisiveBranch2794 What a brave and difficult thing to do. First off I want to say I'm sorry you were even in the situation that made you have to pick this. Secondly, I am actually excited for you. You let go of what was holding you down and are facing a future that you control and desire. Most people unfortunately spend their lives living the life others want them to live, and not one they chose for themselves. You are brave. I wish you all the best!
@VioletteB82 thank you and yes very difficult. Thank you, I appreciate that 🙏🏾
And thank you 🌹 Yes I did and yes that's true. I'm dreaming of life and of love again. A future with amazing friends, and a spouse, and children, and a solid network for career and wealth. All the "basic" and ""simple" things in life ... that the extreme harshness of trauma robs many of us of.
Yes that's true, that was me for many many years. What a beautiful wish to wish for someone, thank you VioletB82🙏🏾 and same for you, I hope you are living the life you want to live for yourself. If you're open to sharing what that life is / can look like for you, please feel free to share it - I'd love to know. If not, that's ok too, you're welcome either way 🌹
@decisiveBranch2794
I went no contact with my mom and flew from one coast to another to get away.
It was very scary at the time to take that leap of faith, but it was worth it. I've grown so much in just one year it's incredible. It wasn't easy, mind you, but it was definitely worth it.
I'm hoping the best for you as well.
@decisiveBranch2794
Breaking away for 'self preservation' is the highest form of self care. Scary & uncertain, yes. However, it sounds like you are already taking steps to take care by reaching out to others,as well as here. I hope things become better for you, going forward. _/\_