Hi, my name is Kara, and I'm glad that you came across me. I'm a verified listener who has dealt with a whole slew of issues, both past present. I've been married to my incredible husband for 16 years. When I was 16, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type 2 meaning deep depressive episodes rather than mania), borderline personality disorder, and pretty much every anxiety disorder that exists (including panic attacks). I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome in 2009, which completely impacted everything, and unfortunately still does. Recently, I was diagnosed with hypermobility and ehler's Danlos. I majored in psychology, and initially planned on becoming a psychiatrist until the fatigue and pain made it too hard to continue. Also, I have experience dealing with a loved one who has issues with addiction. My husband is an alcoholic (he has been sober for almost 8 years, but the disease of addiction never goes away). Before getting sober, he drank very heavily for almost 5 years, every day. He would have to drink within an hour of waking up, or the withdrawals would start. I have been through a lot, and am still going through a lot. I definitely have a lot of experience with a lot of issues and would be honored to share with anyone interested. The main thing I have learned is that talking about things, no matter how difficult or how much you may not want to, helps. It may be hard at first, but it gets easier with time, and ultimately talking is the only way to truly heal. Medicine may help, but getting it out helps you to heal. My husband is 1 of 6 boys, he's the second eldest, but despite being together for almost 2 decades, I have never met his eldest brother because he has been in and out of jail that entire time. He has 4 younger brothers (they have different fathers, my husband is white, as am I and his younger brother's are mixed). They are 17, almost 19, 25, and almost 27. Two, the 19 and 27 year old are both on the autism spectrum and have a devolpmental delay (specifically the 19 year old who is closer to around 10-ish with his delay). I have known the youngest since before he was born, and the others don't even remember when I wasn't their sister. My father-in-law recently retired from the military, but was deployed (voluntarily) during most of their lives. My husband basically helped his mom raise his brothers, and after we met and decided to live together, I moved in with them because she was about to give birth, and she was the most amazing woman I had ever met. I don't have a relationship with my mother (her choice), but she treated me like a daughter from the moment I met her, we are incredibly close...I'm grateful that I got lucky and love my mother-in-law rather than the typical story, soo grateful lol. The youngest of the boys, the one I knew before his birth and I are incredibly close. We always have been, even when he was a baby/almost a toddler. I don't know what it is, perhaps it's because technically I'm old enough to be his mom or helping to raise him, but I'd do literally anything for him. A couple of years ago he came out to me, I was soo proud he was brave enough to live his truth and honored that I was the first person he told. After hugging and jumping up and down while holding hands, he asked me to come with him to tell his brother (my husband), he knew that swearing me to secrecy would have been a little awkward for me, but I was willing, however I knew my husband would be as thrilled for him as I was so I was more than willing to support him. My husband was just as thrilled and then we were both sworn to secrecy, I appreciated him trying to ensure I never had to lie to his brother for him, and we both told him we were here 24/7, no matter what. (He admitted that for the most part he was more comfortable talking to me, but was worried about hurting his brother's feelings, he was honestly relieved that we have a completely open dialog without anything off limits, which was very uncomfortable for fellow shoppers at CVS due to condom questions which I could only answer in theory, but set up a time for brotherly bonding with a condom tutorial lol. We know he will do whatever he's going to do, we can't stop that, but we can help him by answering his questions and making sure he knows that we love him unconditionally, and would never judge him, but I, generally my husband's opinions are pretty much the same as mine or he doesn't have a strong opinion either way, will give him my honest opinion even if I know he disagrees which is up to him to consider or not...irregardless he knows we're here no matter what. My mother-in-law found out about a year later, we were with him for support and initially she dismissed it as a phase, something she deeply regrets saying and that he's forgiven her for, but now is fully accepting. The 25 year old was told a few months after he first came out and is completely accepting, the other 2 haven't been told because unfortunately even their doctor isn't completely sure they'd fully understand, the exception is my father-in-law who is to never find out, he wouldn't take it well. He's kind of there to yell and punish rather than help, educate, encourage, basically anything remotely positive. During the civil unrest around the US due to the deaths of multiple unarmed black people by mainly white police officers that for the most part weren't even disciplined, I realized how far the nothing remotely positive part went....I live in a major city that did have it's own problem, but they charged the officers involved, and the police in my city are just terrible regardless of race which is something the protesters made very clear. Rival gang leaders protected the police during the very brief riot that happened before charges were announced, it was extraordinary to witness, but also caused me to stupidly think going to the 24 hour Subway shop not far from my apartment at 1am with just my brother-in-law was fine despite the unrest during the previous presidential administration in which violence wasn't a concern, he encouraged it against BLM, anyway. We lost track of time to make dinner and my husband, the only one who can cook, realized we didn't have much to make so we decided on Subway because it was open. He took a shower and we went to get dinner, I only realized half way there that despite the unrest being no where near the East Coast, it didn't matter...there were police everywhere and stopping black people randomly, the riots a couple years before didn't get this response, and I immediately wanted to send him back, but I couldn't do that without being part of the problem. We were fine getting there, but some weirdo at Subway wouldn't leave me alone and thought we were together (he was like 13 or 14, it was disturbing), he actually got kicked out of Subway for bothering me, but I declined to have the police called, I'm a big girl, and he was black and the possibility of an escalation was more important than my feelings, unfortunately he didn't leave completely. He was hiding and waiting for us to come outside, which caused my brother to get more upset and concerned about me than he already was. I had no idea his father didn't ever discuss the matter with him, and knew that I was not the appropriate person to do so, but he told me not to worry, he'd protect me. I hugged him while trying to lose weirdo and thanked him, but made him swear to me that he would do NOTHING, PERIOD. I wouldn't debate it, I told him to just head back to my place and call his brother on the way, if anything happened. He looked soo confused and I quickly explained white privilege, a quick recap of racist police history, and current events. I apologized for being the most completely inappropriate person to discuss it, but I told him I would be fine and I knew that with 100% certainty, but I didn't know with the same certainty that he would be, so I wasn't risking it. I made him swear to ignore whatever happens and follow my directions, it was the safest plan for everyone (I honestly didn't care about me, I won't let anything happen to him, period) and just said let's hope we lose weirdo who did follow us almost all the way back, but I remembered a shortcut my husband takes, but I avoid because I always end up lost, except that night. It's literally the only time I have ever taken it without getting lost, including since lol. I did call my husband who was heading in our direction to meet up with us, and awkwardly explained the situation and the promise I made his brother swear to and how terrible I felt and how I was not the appropriate person to be having that discussion in the first place and why hadn't his dad bothered yet...obviously he didn't know what to say or why, but I had trouble sleeping and called my mother-in-law at 4am to find out, which was a wake up call in a few ways. I told her everything and that I had to make him swear to ignore whatever happened with me and how confused he was and how upset with my father-in-law I was. She brought breakfast over at 5:30am-ish and my father-in-law very much against his will, and told him it was past time, he needed to talk to him about something only he could, and breakfast was for everyone except him until he was finished and my brother verified (apparently we got French toast because my father-in-law takes too long in the shower lol). The point I'm taking forever to get to is, I know that I don't understand but I'm well aware of white privilege and as messed up as it is, I believe in using it to help every marginalized group possible, it's the least those of us who have it, can do.