My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?

The nature of your question shows a strong moral compass, maturity, and consideration for others. You are right to be concerned. It is considerate to think about your father's feelings, but at the same time you have to consider whether he loves you enough to allow you to express your true opinions to him. If you would like to speak with him about this topic without intervening on the behavior you disapprove of, you will need to arrange a time and place where you can communicate with him away from your mother. It is important to communicate in a non-threatening and non-judgmental way so as to ensure your father is comfortable sharing things with you. An important key phrase is "When you __, I feel __." That way, you keep the focus on his behaviors rather than conveying an inherent judgment of his character or identity. I hope you can talk to your father in a way that you feel heard. I know this must be difficult for you to deal with. Ultimately, his behaviors are his choice and his alone, and even if you do not approve of his behaviors, I hope you can maintain a sense of closeness with your father, as the parent-child bond is a key contributor to one's emotional well-being. Best of luck.

This has got to be one of the most difficult questions i’ve answered. When I was young, my father had us meet his sancha (the other woman), and it was so uncomfortable. We forgave him and moved forward, when all that concluded. I was too young to really understand what was happening, and no one talked about it with me, I just knew it felt wrong. If I found out as I got older, I don’t know how I’d feel about it. I think I’d moreso focus on my mom and build her self-esteem, encouraging her to remember her own beauty and empowerment... more than how I’d ‘punish’ my dad. Humans make mistakes, and humans can be so inconsiderate and hurtful- but focusing on those impacted by their disrespect, can help them rise again- and when you see them happy and thriving, the hurt you feel by what happened may dissipate. But truly, it’s up to you. What feels right to you. All actions have consequences, and how you choose to move forward are his, and soon, there’ll be consequences for yours too. That’s life, and there are no wrong decisions in life. Every decision has a consequence, and they impact our future. This is why it’s important to follow our intuition, and not our anxieties. This is honestly a very tough case, and I hope you take time to yourself to mend and process what happened/is happening. ♡ I encourage you to each out for support as often as you need it, love. TC

Try to think both rationally and emotionally. Although you know about this situation, it's not necessarily your responsibility to fix it. Talk to your dad about it, from an adult to another adult and perhaps try to see things from his point of view.

Yeah. I think it's hard to solve. But, you just end up this now. Don't be afraid about what happened next.. because your step for want to end up is good, I think. Yeah, It's okay you feel afraid for what happened to him. Because he so meaningful to your life. But let's think it clearly. If your mom know it, what Will she feel? What Will she think about both of you who hurt her heart. The end of something is beginning for others. I think both of you must learning the truth because It's can't be forever. In the end, it Will be hurting you, your father, your mother. But you need to decide. You not alone. I Will hear you :)

Keep in mind that your relationship with your father is separate from his relationship to others. The extramarital affair he is having does not reflect negatively on you, and he will have to own the consequences of his actions. You didn't cause it, cannot control it, and cannot change it. There is no way to "punish" him for his actions. Each individual must come to terms with the impact he is having on each relationship he has. You must take care of yourself -- whether that means taking time away from him or maintaining your relationship with him. Do what is right for you.

Well it's not easy I will tell you that. I have also had similar events take place with my parents, due to separation because of extramarital affairs. My situation happened very early on as a child so I didn't get to worry about my father's feelings at the time I was not given a choice unfortunately. But I could see how this could way on your shoulder's. First of all your father put his self in that situation, and usually there are consequences to those actions. But please know that you are not responsible for the outcome. You are entitled to have worry or concern at your Dad's actions because you have fear of loosing your family, and who wants to know that dad is cheating on mom right. Dad may become depressed it can effect all parties. But you don't have to end your relationship with him. The family may need counseling to help the family with separation. And hopefully your Father can see the hurt he's caused and try to build gaining the trust of his loved ones. Sometimes families move on and you will get through it, its just how people move on. Try to support both parents your mother for her devastation of your father's affair, and your father for his embarrassing act towards your family. And know that things will work out fine. I'm sure you can work it out being that he loves you dearly. My Father loves me it just didn't work out as planned with my parents. So I learned to forgive in hopes to build and have better future relationships for myself. And I know you will do the same. Good luck on the way!!!!!

You should sit and talk with him about how you are feeling and let the answer evolve. Do let him know your concern and love for him. Try some family therapy.

This shows that you are a sensitive person. Control your emotions and do what is right. Talk to him about this. By not doing anything, you are cheating on your mom.

I feel that any situation with an affair is unfair in everyones life. I think you should talk to him and ask him what he really wants.

It's good that you care about your mom that much. Talking to your father would be good step to start processing the situation.

Speak to your father about his actions. Let him know how it makes you feel, and that it makes you want to possibly cut him out. Try to understand why he is having an affair, and if your mother knows about it. It may seem out there, but your parents could have an open relationship, or- not be that happy together. I grew up with my parents separated, though not divorced, since I was five. My mother was having several affairs, and my father had one around the time they broke up. Sometimes having an affair can cause less conflict in the household, as long as both partners are aware of it.

Do your hardest to tell, teach, and show him how wrong that is, and that if he truly doesnt love your mother anymore then he needs to be honest and upfront with her about that too, rather than trying to just leave her in the past and move on, while sneaking around. Im sure its alot of stress for him even to be doing what hes doing, and mention that to him, to lean him more towards wanting to stop doing that. He could still love your mother very much and not be thinking right or have external influences that are altering the way he would usually react and decide about decisions like that, and if so, you need to ease into him while talking to him, because you could get him to vent out to you, what that is. If we can stop all the problems in one go, rather than working at one at a time, is great.

You should ask your father to leave the other woman and get back to your mother and make her the happiest person on this planet in the name of his relationship with you. If he really loves you, he will improve.

I think that it's hard to directly tell your dad how you feel about what he's done, especially if you're not open about these things in the family. It'll be good if you can approach him and tell him honestly what you feel. Moreover, if you can forgive your dad for cheating on your mom, continue your bond with your father and go on with your life, it would be the ideal situation. This doesn't mean that you forget what your father has done though. You don't have to rush, just take your time to think things through. Forgiveness is hard but it will give you peace of mind.

That's a tough one. You are clearly angry with your father and those feelings are valid. One thing to bear in mind though is that we are not responsible for another person and how they feel or react. If you worry about your father being depressed you are taking on a responsibility for him that isn't yours to take on. Your father is an adult and he is responsible for himself. I can see that you want to try and protect your mum from being hurt even more, but all you can do is be there for her if she wants to talk to you about things. I know it's a difficult thing to do especially when the affair is still going on but forgiveness is a big thing, and that will help you to let go of this burden that you are carrying. You can't change your father or his behaviour but you can control yourself and how you react to any situation. You are in a difficult place but try and take of you and let the other stuff over which you have no control work itself out.

What do you want the end result to be? Youre dad is having an affair, if you spoke to him about it, would you want him to end it? Does he know you know? But no matter what, try to talk to him about it, voice why you want to end your relationship with him (also you need to take care of yourself in this, so cutting yourself off isnt bad) and if you need to, do. My parents went through a bad divorce and I refused to talk to my mother for several years. Now we talk almost everyday and have an even stronger relationship.

I know you care about both of your parents but severing your relationship with one of them because of this is choosing sides. Getting involved is not the best decision. This affair is between your parents, you did not cause it nor should you try to fix it. They must work through this on their own as this is their problem. The best you can do is be there to support each of them unbiased. It will be difficult but you must be strong. You will feel a sense of betrayal, distrust, disappointment, sadness and even anger but do not allow these feelings to affect how you deal with this situation. At the end of it all they are both your parents and they both love and care for you despite whatever issues they are having among themselves.

Express your displeasure and stand up for your mom. But don’t break your loving relationship with your father. Both are your parents after all. And each relationship can be given it’s due and treated separately. He loves you and that is a very special thing for you and you shouldn’t lose out on his love because of his affair. At the same time, you should offer support to your mother and be there for her. Mothers wouldn’t want their children to lose the love, affection and company of their fathers, so she wouldn’t ask that of you. Give them both their dues.

Hi, I’m really sorry you are having to go through this tough situation, is not an easy one. As a daughter you don’t want to be disloyal to your parents and that is basically what this scenario presents you with. Have you thought about having a conversation with your dad and just letting him know you are aware as to what is going on which doesn’t mean you will emotionally cut him off but that you would really appreciate if he was honest and upfront with your mom. Hold space for both of them and just be there to support them individually in which ever way you can. As for you take care of you and do not compromise who you are soon enough all will fall into place.

I understand that this situation must be difficult for you to be in. Personally I know what it is like to be forced to pick sides between parents, and it is not easy to be in that position. You may also find it beneficial to talk to a therapist if you need advice. I believe that if you tried to communicate your feelings about this situation with your father, it may provide you with the opportunity to find clarity in your decision. It may also help you to take some time to process the situation to determine what emotions you are feeling towards the situation.

My advice to you would be for you to do what you believe is morally right. Perhaps ask him to end his affair he's having and discuss with him how it makes you feel about him, your father must love you a lot and if its hurting you and causing you grief he will respectfully come to a choice, you should know that he may choose to stay with your mother or end the relationship and start a formal official one with his new partner. Be prepared that it may not go the way you want it too, but as long as your father makes a choice to stop holding the family at a stand still then thats morally the right thing to do.

This is most certainly a difficult situation to have found yourself in. Please know that although your father chose to make a decision that affects many people, he more than likely did not choose to make it with the intention of hurting anyone. Infidelity is a complex situation that has so many intricate components in it, and the reasons for each person who engages in it are as unique as the person themselves. It's completely understandable that you would not want to talk to your father for some time now that you have found out about this situation. Please know that if you do continue your relationship with him, it does not mean that you are condoning his behavior. It's more about being able to forgive his mistake, loving him for the person that he is to you, and understanding that even though he is your father, he is a human being first, and therefore is incapable of escaping the ability to make problems for himself, and others. Your loyalty to your mother will never be questioned if you choose to continue speaking with your father. However, if he does become depressed by your choosing to cut ties with him, then it is up to him to understand that his inappropriate behavior couldn't exactly lead to positive reactions from his family members, including you. This does not mean that he should be "punished" for the sake of hurting his feelings. What it does mean, though, is that no one has to minimize the effects of the damage that has been caused by his decision. If you're hurt, you're hurt. If you don't want to talk to him for a short while, or a longer while, that is okay. Whatever it is that you choose to do, so long as you are willing to do it from a place of love for yourself, you will be able to feel comfortable with the decision that you make.

The best thing to do is tell somebody. Keeping that kind of weight on your shoulders can be detramental to your health, and happiness. It might make your father upset, but in the end the outcome will be better than keeping it a secrete. Your not alone in this, and your mother would be very greatful for your strength and honesty!

Your words can have too much power in this situation. It’s better to talk to him alone and it can even help him to change . In fact, he is a lovely dad and would it be right to hurt him ?

Infidelity is a serious breach of trust and you are justified in feeling betrayed by what must seem like a selfish act on the part of your father. However, it is useful to remember that people become unfaithful for different reasons and it is important to communicate with your father about his decisions. It might also be useful to try to make him understand how his actions affect those around him and to ask him to take some accountability for it. I am sorry you had to experience this. It is a truly disruptive and psychologically destabilizing experience. But talking to an individual and/or family therapist can help you and your family heal from the pain in productive ways, whether your parents choose to remain together or not.

Hi there, It’s unfortunate that you somehow got caught up in the knowing of your dads personal affairs. As a daughter I feel that would be a sticky spot to be in. Here’s the thing, does your mom know? If I were in your shoes, I’d sit down with my dad and ask him how he thinks it should go moving forward. Take into consideration that he loves you and the affair isn’t about you or how you feel about your mom. We fail to see our parents as real people beyond our mom and dad. They are so much more. It’s understandable that you will want to stick up for your mom and she will need you, no doubt but at the end of the day you will want to do what’s best for both of your parents. It’s not fair that you are in the middle of it. Start with your dad and tell him your concerns. And if you aren’t wanting to lie to your mom, he will have to make a choice. Good luck.

My father cheated on my mum too, he also loved me a lot. I hear you're so angry for what he did, and I think you should definitely let him know, you have the right to be angry. I invite you to consider that what he did, he did to your mother, he didn't mean to harm or cheat on you. What I mean is to leave the conflict between your parents to them, and focus only on your issue with your dad, without taking the side of anyone, because it's not a position a son/dauguter should ever be forced to take, and they are both your patents, you can't choose on this. So you can think your mum's right, be enraged with your dad, but you don't have to cut contacts, if you don't feel like doing it, just because your mother would do the same, or just to support mum. It's complicated, I hope I explaned it clearly

I know it's never been easy for you in this matter. seeing your father cheating on your mom and breaking their marriage in to a deeper problem. but im here for you , you cab always tell me anything. I believe you are a good person with good heart to decide the best and fit for your situations.

I would suggest speaking with your Father. Let him know how you feel about the affair and that you are thinking about not having a relationship with him because of it. Ask him to be honest with you as you are being with him. Let him know you do not wish to hurt him but his behavior is hurting you and how it makes you feel about his relationship with your Mom. Often opening up like this allows the other person to see the impact of their behavior. You will then know what he thinks. It may help you make the decision if to stay in relationship with him or if to cut ties with him for now.