Why would someone who is already in pain wish to inflict it upon others?
221 Answers
Last Updated: 06/09/2022 at 8:39pm
Moderated by
Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.
Top Rated Answers
Because they are in pain. When we are in pain, we aren't thinking rationally. Perhaps it momentarily feels better, like a release of sorts. Often people in pain are just not aware of how others feel (or even care). A soul in pain is desperate. It's not rational. It's finding a way to survive. It's important to not take it personally but to understand that it is purely a reflection of how they feel. That said, this does not mean being abused. Even people in acute pain do not get to mistreat people in a way that is abusive (mental or physical). If it feels abusive, step away.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2020 11:33pm
That is a difficult question, because there could be many reasons. People who are experiencing pain may be projecting their pain onto someone else so they are not alone hurting. Pain can make people do things they would also never do in their clear mind. Being understanding and knowing they may not mean what they say and they are in a different head space can also be important. However, if they are inflicting pain it is also right for the receiver to wish them the best and carry on. Being supportive and understanding is beneficial to them and they will eventually realize that.
People experiencing pain might struggle to share their feelings and instead may try to isolate themselves and bury their emotions. When others try to help, they may feel hopelessness or anger and that they are being misunderstood. So, in an attempt to try to make others feel as they do, they force them into a similar level of pain and suffering, being unkind, saying mean things, etc. This might be seen as an attempt to gain sympathy or understanding of their situation. People in pain can lash out if they are feeling overwhelmed and alone.
Anonymous
July 29th, 2020 6:58pm
When you are in pain, it can be hard to empathize with others. Moreover, pain can lead to stressful and hurt feelings. These feelings can also include anger. Sometimes, this anger can be unleashed onto others without fully meaning to do so. Another reason why someone that is in pain might wish to inflict their pain upon others is because they want others to feel how they are feeling at that moment. To simplify, if someone is in pain, they might want others to understand the feelings that they are going through. What this person might not understand at the moment is that putting others in pain will not help heal their own pain.
I would think it is so they can feel better about themselves, like a form of escape away from their current feelings. All the pent up emotion from their situation could overflow one day resulting in them becoming bitter and more easily aggravated. Consequently, this could result in them wishing to release some of their anger and inflicting pain upon others is a way to do that. In some way, they may wish to do this so they know that they aren't the only ones experiencing sorrow. Of course, it could also be that their current emotional state has just numbed them and made them unaware of what their own words could do to another individual.
Because it is comforting for someone to experience what you are experiencing, and there is the potential that it is a revenge based decision, if they have been hurt by someone, maybe they wish to hurt them back.
There are those who don't fully understand how to deal with their emotions and when they are in pain can lash out in various ways and not realise what they're doing is seeking comfort in the form of " relate to me I am in pain "
I feel that they wish to be understood and that is the only way they know how to express that.
Anonymous
August 28th, 2020 6:16am
Someone who feels pain for any reason would possibly inflict pain onto others so that they can show others how they feel from their pain. When one inflicts this pain onto another person, they often feel a sense of power or control, something the person originally feeling the pain most often would not feel they have due to originally not having control. When someone sees something cool, they often want to show others to share the joy - if someone would do this then when someone feels pain, that would be they may want to show others the pain to share it. It is a sense of power within one's mind/
Anonymous
September 23rd, 2020 5:20pm
A good friend once told me that people never act solely from a desire to hurt others, but rather from an underlying desire to ease their own pain or circumstances. People who are experiencing high degrees of pain themselves often don't want to hurt others for the sake of hurting others. If or when they in fact do hurt someone else, it is usually because they don't see another option or because they want someone to understand what it is they feel. Being in pain can be lonely, upsetting, frustrating, or even enraging. When we consider these feelings as the potential context for their actions, their actions or desires can seem more human and more understandable.
When the person is actively in deep pain, they are lashing out defensively. They feel backed into a corner so they are attacking to defend from being attacked.
What about when they are not actively being attacked? When the person bullies another person or when they take joy from someone else's misery. They see their own weaknesses in their victims and seek to crush that weakness personified by the victim. In this way, the bully would feel they are disassociating with that weakness. A public display of crushing this weakness will amplify their disassociation from it as their image of themselves is now shared by others.
Our brains sends out instructions to our bodies based on things we experience, learn, see, and do. Sometimes we're not even aware of such communications because our experiences and behaviors may not be specifically linked to events. When we are experiencing pain, stress, fear, or worry, our parts of our brain begin to kick into gear with the intention of keeping us safe; however, when this part of our brain begins to do that, the rational thinking part of our brain can be easily overwhelmed and not function as it prefers to. For some scenarios, people experiencing pain who are wishing to inflict more upon others may be showing signs that they are in distress or crisis. That being said, some people just do not have others interest in mind and it is important to take care of yourself by not being around such instances.
Anonymous
April 23rd, 2021 7:38pm
Hurt people tend to hurt others. When a person is going through pain or any struggle in their lives, some have the desire to have another person experience what they’re going through. They do this by putting another person through exactly what they have gone through or what they are going through. Some individuals even do this subconsciously because the pain becomes normal for them. This makes inflicting the pain even more normal for them. This starts a cycle that one person has to work on in order to break the cycle of pain in their lives as well as in the lives of the people around them.
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