Why would someone who is already in pain wish to inflict it upon others?
221 Answers
Last Updated: 06/09/2022 at 8:39pm
Moderated by
Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
February 5th, 2022 9:09pm
Someone who is already in pain might wish to inflict it upon others because some feel that if they bring someone else down, it will bring them up. While this is often not the case, some will continue to hurt others in order to feel better about themselves. Some feel that if they hurt others in a way that they are not hurting, they are better because they are not feeling the same pain that person is. People usually want to feel like they are better than others, because of this they will do anything they can to bring themselves up. This is not the case for everyone, though.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2022 7:10pm
Some people are just built like that. They believe that what they are going through is horrible and has ruined their life or they may feel angry at other for being able to live painlessly and thus want to make others feel that pain. Therefore by choosing to make other feel pain, they can feel joy or happiness or some kind of solace at knowing that they are not alone and others will suffer just like them. Or they might make others feel pain, so that they too can become just like them. If someone wishes to do this, to others, they should receive the help that they need.
Anonymous
June 9th, 2022 8:39pm
Sometimes, people may want to get back at the world for the pain inflicted on them, or struggle to process their emotions in a healthy way, and their desire to inflict pain upon others could possibly be a coping mechanism. Maybe this person struggles with intrusive thoughts or desires, and does not know how to handle these thoughts or desires, and need help perhaps through therapy, apps like 7 cups, mindfulness activities or other activities which can increase a person’s mental well-being and health. Sometimes, they may want a reaction out of the person, due to loneliness. They should be supported.
Anonymous
June 18th, 2015 3:35am
It's the perceived passage of pain. Someone selfish who's hurt needs everyone around them to hurt too. Then they feel that others can empathize with them, when in reality, they are just isolating themselves.
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2016 4:32am
To find a way to cope with what they're going through. I'm not at all saying that it is okay, but that's how some people decide to handle things.
For revenge maybe. People may have no answers and blame it on others. Not their fault, maybe they just aren't so good at handling pain
Anonymous
October 19th, 2016 1:52am
Because they are putting their anger onto others. It is an unhealthy mechanism of coping with pain..
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2016 2:04pm
Someone who is in pain don't have healthy ways to cope with that pain. They don't know how to deal with it in an appropriate way so they are wishing it upon someone else to be sure that there is someone that is going through the same thing as them
They might feel that others who have wronged them deserve punishment for hurting them. Or they may feel that they are alone and become envious of people who seem to be having it easy, and believe that they should suffer too, even if they haven't hurt them.
Anonymous
November 5th, 2016 12:50am
They want others to experience they're feeling. They want to feel powerful or in control when at home they could be spiraling out of control.
I think someone who is already in pain will think it is okay to inflict it upon others because he might feel upset, or he just doesn't know how else to handle it.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2016 3:43am
Some people rationalize and cope with their pain by making sure that other people feel it because they never really knew how to deal with it themselves. It is not uncommon, mostly seen in children who are bullies. They are having trouble in their lives so they make others suffer so they do not feel so alone with their own problems.
They may feel as if others do not understand their pain, and they want them to be able to. They also may think it is unfair that they have to experience this pain and no on else does.
Anonymous
December 16th, 2016 4:26pm
because his pain might lead him to anger and anger does not let us think, The anger might amke us get satisfaction when seen other people in pain.
I suppose that worst case scenario, it is a way that the person is able to release some anger. If it is physical, it is not acceptable, but if you talk to the person, and tell them they are hurting you, maybe you could help them.
Anonymous
February 9th, 2017 6:45am
Some people feel that inflicting pain on others will numb their own pain. It's a very selfish reason but that person is just trying to find a way to cope.
Personally, I like to give individuals the benefit of the doubt. There is always the question of intent. People who are in pain sometimes lash out. It doesn't mean those impacted should become a consistent outlet for their frustration. It does open the door to some very important conversations. Boundaries, honesty and providing new coping mechanisms are priceless.
Maybe because they feel hurt and alone and they don't know how to express it or get the help that they need. All they can think of doing is making others feel the way that they feel so they feel less alone.
Anonymous
February 25th, 2017 6:07pm
People deal with pain in different ways. For some people the best way for them to deal with that pain is to hurt other people too.
Anonymous
March 16th, 2017 2:40am
sometimes people think hurting others will take away their pain. or the pain they are feeling is so harsh that they think the pain they will feel after hurting someone will feel better.
they may feel like it'll make themselves feel better if they don't feel that they're the only ones going through it, or they may think that it will cause people to understand their pain & empathize. but it is not the way.
Weakness. A great bunch of weakness and insecurity. Sadly, a lot of people feel like their own life gets less miserable if only they can drag others on their level or even further down. It can even give them some feeling of power and might to massage their ego, but it's probably just them being scared of feeling like they're alone with the pain.
Everyone reacts to pain differently, and for some people, that reaction is lashing out. To want others to feel how they feel, or simply not understanding that the reason they are hurting others is because they are hurting. Sometimes pain makes people upset, and it's easy to hurt others when you're upset. It's not necessarily that they wish to, but it does happen. It can be a sort of relief, to push your pain on to someone else. That doesn't mean that it's a positive thing, but it is understandable.
This is a hard concept to understand. This person must feel a lot of pain and resentment. They must be upset with them self and not know how to deal with it; therefore, they hurt other people to avoid their own pain.
Anonymous
April 26th, 2017 10:49pm
Possibly because they want others to feel their pain. Their pain might've been caused by society and they wanted everyone to feel the same pain they put this person through.
Anonymous
April 27th, 2017 3:34am
Sometimes people who are in a lot of pain want other people to understand how they are feeling by making them feel pain as well. They feel that others need to feel the same pain as they are.
Because they have no where else to inflict this pain. It's a common thing people do nowadays as they become so isolated in their own problems. To see someone in the same boat as them almost comforts them. Doesn't mean that it is right however.
Oftentimes when persons are angry, they want others to be angry too. Likewise when they are sad or hurt. This is the reason the adage 'Misery loves company' holds true. It sometimes makes persons feel better when others are in pain if they are in pain. It differs for everyone. but have you ever been hurt or angry and because of that you say mean or hurtful things to hurt others? That is how persons in pain may feel.
Some people who are so clouded in their misery resent other for their happiness. They feel alone and isolated. They feel the world is unjust. They want to see that they are not alone. That others are miserable too. These people need compassion more than anyone.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2017 1:42pm
To make themselves feel better and see others misserable too. That's the way they don't feel like they are the only ones that feel that way
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