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Why would someone who is already in pain wish to inflict it upon others?

221 Answers
Last Updated: 06/09/2022 at 8:39pm
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I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
Profile: ArrowRead123
ArrowRead123
July 7th, 2018 6:33pm
Sometimes when people aren’t getting the support they need and can’t find ways to cope they usually put up a barrier that makes them seem very harsh that way instead of feeling pain they shut themselves out and put it on others so no one can hurt them.
Profile: Mahony1989
Mahony1989
August 8th, 2018 2:45am
Unfortunatley they may deem it as their only way to make themselves feel better. To know that someone else is feeling their pain to some degree and that they are not alone. Which is not the best way to go about their situation.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2018 7:15pm
Remember hurting other people is wrong, but some people believe that if they make other people the same way they felt they may be nicer to the other person or have someone else to relate to.
Profile: MissLisa
MissLisa
August 24th, 2018 4:07pm
Maybe they are jealous by other people's happiness so they inflict pain upon others out of spite and jealously and in an attempt to cause them to be unhappy. Perhaps they inflict pain thinking that other peoples misery will cause them to feel better about themselves. This act could also be a cry for help, they could be doing this to get attention if they feel alone and isolated. Speak to them and tell them how hurtful their actions are and perhaps having an open conversation with them may help you understand their thoughts and feels on such matter.
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2018 10:57pm
People want to know that others are hurting more than they are to deflect their pain. It's cruel, and unjust, but not uncommon. They want to know others are worse off than they are in their time of need, and it makes them feel better to know that things could be worse (even if they're the ones who made it worse for other people). No one wants to hurt, and some people find it easier to cope by taking out their hurt and anger and emotion on people who don't deserve it, as a sort of way to pass the pain onto someone else.
Profile: SophieWX
SophieWX
October 3rd, 2019 4:08am
Perhaps they feel that pain is justified and there's a certain logic behind this pain, or perhaps they see this as a twisted way to show affection and maybe they enjoy it themselves. However there is a difference between purely enjoying pain under certain circumstances and having a twisted view of the world. Often those that likes to inflict pain has experienced trauma in their life, very possibly during their most important stages of development in their childhood, that causes an unhealthy perception of the world that barrs them from having a balanced moral and cognition, they would need to be counselled by professionals if that is the case.
Profile: Epikura
Epikura
October 19th, 2019 9:27pm
Pain is very difficult to handle. The effect it has on people is not to be underestimated. When a person is in pain, a person usually tries to find a way to stop, or to lessen it. Some coping methods are healthy, while others are not. Some people cope with their own pain, by making other people hurt, depending on the situation it might feel fair, to not be the only one who has to suffer. It might be about anger and frustration, at ones own situation, that makes the person hurt the people around them. However no person has the right to deal with their pain on other people’s expenses. That means no one has the obligation to endure abuse, just because it is rooted in the abusers pain. There are other options to deal with hurt and pain.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2019 9:45pm
Could be for many reasons. One, maybe they're a sadist. A sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting pain on others, sometimes in a sexual sense. Sadists like seeing other people hurt. Another reason could be, they just don't know how to ask for help. Or, Their reactions stem from past experiences that led them to certain beliefs that they accepted as truth. They are actually just preconceived ideas projected onto others to protect their ego. Now instead of taking it personally, I recognize it for what it is and love the person anyway. When you know where people’s reactions to you are coming from, it is much easier to not take it personally.
Profile: blissart
blissart
November 22nd, 2019 6:06am
human being is a complex creature , more so in functioning of psychological and mental faculties. To a normal human mind, it is difficult to understand why a person who himself is experiencing pain should try to inflict the same on others instead of being more considerate for others . The reason may lie in urge of an individual to feel part of a group. (how we all have laughed since childhood at the comic scene in movies of a person falling on road after stepping on a banana skin) To feel an odd man out in a group can be very frustrating for some , so they try to inflict pain on others to be amusingly relieved for not being alone. The concept of Angry young man, glorified through movies also gives a person in pain , a social go ahead to give pain to others and even get sympathy from society for having being wronged.
Anonymous
January 8th, 2020 9:15am
I know it might seem difficult to understand where that person is coming from, but sometimes when people go through pain they can feel jealous or bitter and can try to bring other people down with them. It might be because they never learned how to ask for help, or they might be struggling with their own issues and focusing only on how bad they have it. Not all of us heal in the same way - in fact, not all of us wish to heal at all, and some people find their pain more manageable when they inflict it upon someone else, perhaps as a form of revenge.
Profile: NirvanaisNow
NirvanaisNow
January 17th, 2020 5:10am
When we lack self-awareness, it is easy to project our pain on others. When we do this, we become blind to our own pain inside ourselves. This can show up as complaining, or blaming language and behavior. This is why meditation can be a powerful tool for dealing with our pain. By going within ourselves we can catch destructive behaviors that damage our relationships. The next time you feel angrey or upset breath. Breath and ask yourself " Why am I upset right now? Can I do anything to feel better about this situation or person? How can I remain calm?" If you still feel overwhelmed with emotions, then remove yourself from the situation/conversation or place. Come back to the moument later and reflect.
Anonymous
January 25th, 2020 11:58am
Because when we are drained out of positive images and feeling out way of sharing can take negative form. When someone who has mostly negative ideas and negative recent if at al experiences communicates with others, they bring their internal experiences to their current communication process Feeling bad isn't a neutral consequence. It is a manifestation of something that is going on physically mentally or may even be medically. A study shows that people who have been abused are more likely TO abuse. That said, reality that had been harsh on an individual can leave one prone to inflicting their pain on others as a way of negative communication that can be altered with love and genuine caring.
Anonymous
February 16th, 2020 11:23pm
They're often splitting off their empathy, especially when talking of traumatizing experiences. Some people also wish to rationalize the pain this way. Sometimes it's a way of letting out anger, stress etc., by making others feel what we feel, to relieve ourselves or be heard by the world. Time to time it also harms us when others do better than ourselves, making us feel low. It can also be caused by us wanting to feel like someone understand our pain and what we're going through. It's important to feel understood by the people surrounding us, it's a natural instinct we have from birth on.
Profile: PrettyDiver
PrettyDiver
February 19th, 2020 11:12pm
People in pain are mostly the lonely ones. Inflicting pain to others might be their way of asking for help or attention. Or people in pain feels satisfaction seeing other people suffer as well. In that way, they dont feel alone. Sometimes, they think that life is unfair, cause they are the only one hurting so they hurt others to make it seem fair for them.
Profile: Onlyonweekdays7848
Onlyonweekdays7848
February 23rd, 2020 7:12pm
Hurt people hurt people. They have pain in their past and they send that back out into the world. It is a cycle that people pass on because they never healed from their trauma. However stopping that cycle would make the world a better place. Instead of hurting, forgive the people who hurt you and do your best not to hurt others. If you can spend your time trying to help and heal, so that others may be spared for the cycle. Think about what was done to you and how it made you feel. Treat people how you want to be treated.
Anonymous
February 29th, 2020 2:47pm
"Hurt people hurt." When there is pain, someone will try to make it go away. There are many remedies. One of them is to project it on others. That is to in inflict it upon others. If someone can't control their own pain, they are going to control others pain. It may sound ridicule. But it is a pain control mechanism. In the meantime seeing others in pain gives the person in pain a good distraction. Sometimes it is more than a pain relief. The one in pain can get a happy feeling out of it. You may call it sick. But the reason why someone will want to do that is more complicated to explain.
Profile: CalmCourage
CalmCourage
March 5th, 2020 1:05am
Often times I feel it's almost a coping strategy, especially if the person hasn't talked about their situation to someone who actively listens to them. Perhaps they are not ready to do so and in the meantime their emotions are not stable that can lead to them saying things that they don't really mean, rather have got caught up in that feeling. I know for myself if I am having a bad day I am more likely to do something or say something negative because sometimes that emotion can take over. I won't mean anything personally by it just an outburst that I always try and apologize.
Anonymous
March 13th, 2020 4:50am
Sometimes it is not that they want to, it is that they feel like it is needed. Sometimes they feel like the only way to get someone to understand them or what they are going through they need to put someone through that issue. If the issue they are going through or went through was bullying or abuse they want someone to understand, so they might resort to forcing people to understand and forcing people to go through the same pain and misfortune they suffered through. Sometimes it feels like the only person that understands and knows is yourself and that can make people feel uncomfortable.
Profile: greentea12034
greentea12034
April 9th, 2020 7:32am
No one wants to feel alone. Sometimes people desperately want others to understand how they feel. In a way, it can be seen as balancing the scales; creating justice. Another possibility is that people who are in pain do not know how to properly cope, and cannot keep their emotions in check. This is why it is advised to never make decisions when upset or angry, because you might do something you could regret later on. Of course, this doesn't excuse inflicting pain upon others, but it might help you understand what they are thinking. If you know someone like this, try to understand and help them, but be sure to take care of yourself and your wellbeing above all else.
Profile: LilySoft
LilySoft
April 9th, 2020 5:02pm
Someone in pain may wish to inflict it on others in an effort of validation for his/her/their own experience. Also, it can be a harmful attempt for one to cope with feelings of stress or humiliation by projecting one's experience onto another. When in pain, it becomes very easy to feel isolated and alone, so seeing others in the same or a similar experience can cause a person to feel more valid, even though the validation is at the expense of another person. When someone in pain feels invalidated, it may become even more difficult to reach out for support, so self medication, even if harmful, becomes a bigger option.
Profile: ExtraMediumOlive42
ExtraMediumOlive42
May 7th, 2020 1:30am
Some people think it will be easier to get through their own suffering if they know others are also in pain. Sometimes it makes them feel powerful when they else wise feel powerless. It is not justifiable by any measure, but an exercise in having empathy for their pain may bring a little clarity and compassion to the situation at hand. Sometimes showing them that you recognize their pain as the source of their actions is enough to make them rethink their next steps. Compassion may be difficult to achieve, but start with empathy and you may achieve astonishing growth. Resentment is a poison you take yourself.
Profile: scarletDrum22
scarletDrum22
May 8th, 2020 9:06pm
For some people, I think it's an outlet. It's not healthy, and it's definitely not right, but hurt people hurt people. I also think that when someone is at their lowest, they have trouble focusing on anything but their own pain, and they hurt people on accident or more than they intend to. With pain, some people become anxious (which can cause irritability) and impulsive. Others, I think, feel like a burden to those they care about and simply want to drive their loved ones away. Loneliness feeds itself as it tells someone they're not worthy of love or attention, so they push people away.
Profile: Charlotte996
Charlotte996
May 21st, 2020 3:52am
It's easier to forget your own pain when you're too busy hurting others. Many people use bullying and rude behaviour as a way of expressing and venting the pain they already feel. It's not a good outlet or coping mechanism by any means, but for people who don't understand their own emotions, it's the easiest way they know how. It could also lead them to feel less alone in their pain as now they aren't the only ones suffering through it. There's also the possibility that it comes from a place of "it's not fair that this is happening to me." So they lash out as well.
Profile: ItWillGetBetter1234321
ItWillGetBetter1234321
May 27th, 2020 4:10am
Sometimes pain can deeply hurt someone. Pain can cause anger in some people. These strong emotions can make them feel isolated. They may want to make other feel as they do so they feel less alone, so they feel more normal. I have personally faught with my mother and at seeing her seemingly unaffected by my words have said mean things to her in order to hurt her. I am not proud of this but I wanted her to feel my pain. Sometimes when others feel your pain as well you feel better understood and not alone. This is why people in pain sometimes wish to inflict pain on others,after all pain can be blinding.
Profile: ItzJaceon
ItzJaceon
May 31st, 2020 11:47am
When someone is in pain, their first instinct normally if that pain is anger. Is to cause the people around them the same type of hurt so that they can feel better from it, and feel as though since they're hurting people they can't be hurt themselves. For example bullying, the joy they get from that is they feel powerful bringing someone else down because it means they're "Better than others" or "Stronger" When really they're just suffering on the inside and need something negative to bring a positive to their life, and maybe the feeling of power so that they feel they have worth.
Anonymous
June 3rd, 2020 10:28am
When they’re in pain, they somehow throw their anger on other people because that’s the way they cope with things in order for their anger to get out of their system. Yes it’s wrong to throw something at someone when they’re innocent, but that’s just how the person griefs and handles their emotions. Sometimes they want attention and throw the pain at someone in order for that person to help them, or be there for them. That person means no harm against others when throwing their pain or anger at them, they just want to feel comfort from a person.
Anonymous
June 3rd, 2020 5:37pm
People who are already in pain may try and inflict pain on others to call for help. They might not know how to express their hurt and ask for help so they try and make other people feel how they do. They want to find a way to connect with someone, and they do this through the pain. When people are I pain, it can hurt even more to see the people around you prospering and being happy. Inflicting pain could make someone feel like they have control over something, if losing control is a source of pain for them.
Profile: sleepysproutling
sleepysproutling
June 24th, 2020 9:41pm
I have always wondered this as well, especially with my own actions as well. It is usually hinged to the individual and each reason is explicitly personal and based off of the situation at hand!! No matter what the reason is - no one should have the right to cause any amount of pain! but Humans do not always think rationally, we make mistakes and this includes hurting others!! We may lash out if we are hurt, to try to push away the pain- to not get further harmed by the individual or prevent another traumatic circumstance from happening. It is hard to be continuously hurt, and a bitter, callous nature can become a defense mechanism for some people! It doesn't make it right, but it does make us a human that is trying to cope with our emotions!!
Anonymous
June 26th, 2020 8:44am
This is because that person does not know how to express their pain. For example some people may bully others because it reflects on the pain they are experiencing in their own lives and they may not have anyone to talk to. Hence the only way they feel they can express is this pain is by inflicting it on others. Bullies could be experiencing bullying themselves either in school or at home in an abusive household. Therefore they may feel that it gives them more power when they are able to inflict pain onto others as they are no longer seen as weak.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2020 2:39am
Sometimes, people who are in pain, want others to know and understand how they are feeling, and the only way they can think to do make others understand is to inflict pain on them as well. In other cases, some people do not have control over the pain that they are being caused, so as a result, they lash out and inflict pain upon others as a way to temporarily relieve themselves of their own. Either way, it is wrong to knowingly inflict pain on others. Usually, in general though, this is done as a coping mechanism to deal with the pain that they are experiencing themselves.