Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?

People tend to feel the need to be right; it boosts our self-esteem. And sometimes, in order to be right, you feel the need to argue. It's human nature, and it's what happens when you don't have a handle on your ego and sense of self-worth. While being right does feel good, you don't always have to be. And that's what some people don't understand. Also, what seems small and stupid to you might just mean the world to someone else. Perspective is important in any situation, especially in arguments. Something could make or break someone's day, so they feel the need to be right and argue about it.

Growing up, I always considered myself to be argumentative. Quick with a sarcastic comment and even quicker to get angry, I rarely backed down from an argument. This didn’t translate well in my early romantic relationships and I found myself arguing incessantly with the men I dated. I would like a guy a lot, but if we didn’t agree on something then we would go at it. In my (weak) defense, the men I dated seemed argumentative too. Some guys are much too laid back to bicker with their girlfriends or anyone else for that matter, but I rarely dated these types of men (and if I did then I must have pulled them past their limit). The weird thing is, I hate arguing. But I thought that was what couples did. Before my parents divorced, they argued all the time. So much so, that when they divorced, I wasn’t even sad. I was thankful for the peace. As I got older, I realized that there are people in functional relationships who are not arguing all the time. so you are probablaly fighting over the small things because there are bigger things hiding.

Those small things are important to you and the other person, be it something with a show or movie or even a little hobby of yours. If they're offending you in some way, and you're not okay with it, then that gives you the right to say something in return, as long as it isn't vile or malicious. People sometimes don't think they're being harmful to another until it's pointed out and it's not surprising the get defendant for being wrong. As long as you approach them in a calm way and try to help them see that what they're saying is wrong or disrespectful, then there should be no reason as to why you shouldn't point it out to them.

When you get to this stage in a relationship, it might be time to ask yourself some serious questions about where you both are; are you with each other because you still love each other and external factors are putting pressure on you both or are you together because you've been together for ages and it's become something more of a habit than anything else. Can you sit down and sort out what's bugging you both? Is that even something you want to do? Because if the answer is yes, from both parties, that might be all you need to do. Explain how you feel, and try and get them to do the same. Maybe this is something you can work out. But relationships, even great ones sometimes run their course and it's hard but essential to confront this, specially if you both want to be happy in future.

Although certain things may be "small" or "stupid" to one person, they may hold a lot of importance to the person voicing those concerns. It is also possible that we sometimes argue over what seems to be small matters because we are actually upset over another situation. Due to the unresolved feelings in one situation, the feelings carry over into other matters in our life. Thus, small inconveniences may trigger a person and evoke a strong emotion. A phrase that could capture this idea is "the straw that broke the camel's back." Our tolerance for inconveniences or disagreements lessens when we have unresolved conflicts.

That is a very good question. I am not sure exactly why. I have a habit of doing this. My roommates and I have a tendency to argue over the stupidest littlest things, these always seem to be the things that trip us up. I myself believe that the reason we fight over the small stuff is because those are the issues that are always the ones that are always right there in our faces, there's always some little things that get on our nerves and we just kinda snap. Remember it's the little day to day stuff that is always in our faces.

Sometimes when we fight over small or stupid things, it is not over the thing itself but instead something that we are trying to prove to the person we are fighting with. The item itself can get lost in the fight When we struggle to exert dominance and power over the other person through fighting about something that is small, mynute, and insignificant. At times we can even get so caught up in the fight we forget what we are fighting for. Allowing ourselves to step back and realize what the real problem is can open our eyes to the fact that what we are fighting over should not be the issue, resolving our frustration with the person we are fighting with should be.

I guess because we think we don't have the strength to fight big and critical things. But we do. I spend a good amount of my life fighting myself, then once I discovered boxing, I fought shadows at first, I was fighting the other in front of me. Then, terrorist attacks, and I fought everyone over everything. I was exhausted, broken, but still willing to fight. I just didn't know what. My sister showed me. She had a lot of difficulties in her life. She struggled with school a lot. She has been treated of crazy by other kids at school. I was ashamed of her deep down, and I felt like shit just thinking about it. Then, I wasn't here anymore, she changed school and she got bullied. I could have gone there and beat the shit of the bullies, but I found excuses all the time, and my father always tried to stop me doing things. I think he was wrong in this case. I listened to him maybe a little too much in my life, I just realized that recently. And my sister, that everyone mocked, that even us at home most of the time didn't believe, because she is able to remember everything somehow, this girl became an incredible boxer. Without hate, she shows dedication, she never gives up. She proved me so much. She doesn't know how much she helped me. I wish I could express my emotions to people around me.

Because most of the time we are thinking from our ego rather than our heart or rationale. It’s easy to get caught up in feelings that revolve mostly around our lives rather than that of other which in consequence causes us to misunderstand : misinterpret what another may be trying to express. This is hard to overcome because like I say, our ego is so involved in our thought processes and it’s not easily quietened. If we could find it in our hearts to truly think deeply before approaching : breaching a subject with another. We would possibly find ourselves better understanding their position and overall become less confrontational over matters that simply do not matter.

Exactly. Small and stupid things might mean a lot when it doesn't seem like it. But fighting over it isn't the right thing to do at all.

Because most of the time, we interpret the actions of other persons. When someone keeps on forgetting meetings we wonder whether we are actually important to them. When someone in our house doesn't contribute to the chores as promised we feel like they don't respect us enough to do things that they don't like. And when we feel like that in general, small issues can strengthen those (mis)assumptions. Sometimes, it's also about yourself. When you've had a bad day at work with a lot of bad feedback or something alike you are more prone to fight over something small in order to feel like having control over at least some things in your life. The next time you are fighting over something "small and stupid", ask yourself how the other person made you feel with their actions and try to talk about the underlying issue. A person who understands your problem is more likely to be passionate instead of defensive- And that's a great base to hash things out.

Sometimes we sweat the small things because we have other issues that are more pressing but a little overwhelming. Putting one foot ahead of the other, at a slow and steady pace is a great start to moving forward with whatever may be in your way. It is very easy to see only the negative side to a troublesome situation so try and see if there are any positives. Perseverance is key and not giving up when things become too challenging or difficult. Try and move forward at your own pace and you will get to where you want to go.

I feel like sometimes when we fight over petty things, it has because emotions have been building in us for a while and it just gets let out. Much like a straw that broke the camels back sort of situation. From my own personal experience, I find myself snapping at people when I am emotionally exhausted or stressed. Things that used to somewhat annoy but that I would ultimately shrug off become The. Worst. Thing. Ever. I think sometimes we spend so much energy on keeping other parts of ourselves going, that we just don't have enough time and energy to reign in our tempers. This is almost never more evident when we are in pain, emotional or physical that we are unused to, or when we are hangry :)

From experience, couples fighting over very small and stupid things is normal. Couples fight all the time. However, if it becomes a very constant thing, then there is definitely something bigger going on that you and/or your partner haven't discussed. For relationships to really work, there needs to be 100% openness and honesty. As to the WHY aspect, it could be because you're suppressing more important feelings, the small things kind of push your feelings over the edge. One of the worst things to do in a relationship is not being honest with your partner about your end goals, or whatever it may be. I hope this helped clear things little bit. I'm here to listen if you need it! Good luck

Relationships are no walk in the park. But that’s what makes them exciting. It’s like taking a road trip, what makes the road trip fun is the adventure you experience. It would be so boring if it was just one long straight and narrow road. The road trip is more exciting when you go make different turns, go over those bumps or those hills that make your tummy turn. It’s the same with a relationship, it’s a roller coaster ride of different emotions and feelings. Often we take out our frustrations on the ones we love the most and in a relationship it happens to be your partner. Trying to identify what makes you fight over these small things could help your relationship grow and thrive for the better.

Fighting over every single thing and over the smallest and stupid thing is common and we almost see fights everyday. We always think about our desires. People are like this. Some people are greedy and and don't want others to be happy. They must understand others feelings. Sometime we will never understand others only if we were in their place and felt what they feel. People fight over everything, they have to be initiator and give what the other side wants. If we were all like this and think about others, the world will be the the best place and we will live peacefully.

Sometimes in our relationships, we find ourselves fighting over seemingly insignificant things. That behavior can be confusing for us, especially if we love the person a lot and don't know or understand the underlying cause of the arguments. Often in these situations, it could be that surface issue (the "small" thing being fought over) is a actually just a scapegoat, taking the blame for pre-existing frustration or conflict. If underlying "bigger issues" are unresolved in a relationship, it can leave resentment which can trigger arguments over smaller more frequent matters. Conversely, the reason for such conflicts over small issues could also simply be that emotional or physical needs are going unmet. It may be a good option, next time a conflict occurs, for both parties to take a personal inventory. "Am I hungry/cold/tired/etc.?", "What am I feeling right now?", "Am I sad/angry/frustrated about something else first?", "Is my response proportional to the issue at hand?" Such questions might be helpful in shedding light on the heart of the issue and the cause of the argument.

Sometimes fighting over silly things is derived by the emotions suppressed about more important issues. Maybe communicating and opening up can be a good first time in understanding a little bit more why we react that way for silly things. Maybe next time an argument pops up, ask each other/yourselves why do you feel like that and with each question it could help to dive deeper into the truth. Everyones feelings are valid and no one can tell you otherwise, just as you cannot do the same towards others. Listen and communicate so you can work through your relationship and understand each other and yourselves better.

To us, these "small and stupid things" are actually "important" to us so we tend to fight over them.

Well, maybe another question that needs to be brought up is, are you guys fighting over the right stuff? The important things? Maybe, is the fighting over the small stuff a way to dodge other things?

From my personal experience many times when we are faced with a problem we tend to vent out even at the smallest things in life that has absolutely no importance for example if I'm making a sandwich and somebody accidentally puts Tomatoes when I have said I don't like tomatoes how hard is it to just simply remove the tomatoes from the sandwich. Many times we take things too critical when we need to just learn to relax

Because your relationship is either so great that you don't have anything big to fight over, OR, and actually worse, you are looking for reasons to pick at each other because there are inadequacies you notice in each other that are bothering you, and rather than confronting each other on what they are you half unknowingly cover them up by fighting over the small stupid things

Possibly because you aren't looking in their prospective as well, try seeing a counselor to try to figure this out as well.

Everything in life is worth fighting for sometimes we are clouded by the bad times and it's hard to see that it can all change so quickly if we work hard and keep pushing through.

There are many common triggers for anger, such as losing your patience, feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren't appreciated, and injustice. Other causes of anger include memories of traumatic or enraging events and worrying about personal problems. You also have unique anger triggers, based on what you were taught to expect from yourself, others, and the world around you. Your personal history feeds your reactions to anger, too. For example, if you weren't taught how to express anger appropriately, your frustrations might simmer and make you miserable, or build up until you explode in an angry outburst.

that is normal in relationships to fight over small and insignificant things. focus on what you both want and try to hear each other out because it is the small things that mean the most and can lead to bigger arguments over worse things. if one person feels unheard for example, try to listen and understand your partner

because it makes us feel alive sometimes there are things we don't want to fight over but we do anyways simply because we feel alive doing this

Because you're ignoring each other's emotional needs, so what you're really doing is scream: validate me, I am right, hear me out! Winning at least over a "small and stupid thing" is one way to kinda make yourself heard... except most likely the other won't, because they are running on an empty tank as well emotionally. Look into this.

often when people fight over small things it's because they don't want to talk about the underlying BIG things. Maybe they don't feel valued, or supported or appreciated? If you see someone focusing on the small stuff, try asking, "what's REALLY bothering me/him/her"?

very often because of our EGO that grew too big, very often because we are not able to accept being a loser or accept any slight criticism