Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
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Tania
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Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.
Top Rated Answers
Breathe, love. If two people love you, then you will be put in the mindset that you have to choose one or the other, bu you don't. I suggest that you think this through, see if you love either of them, or if you don't love them the way that they love you. You do not have to love someone just because they love you.
Try to be honest in your communication and see who you can get to know the best and who truly deserves your trust love and affection. By being honest with yourself and others an issue becomes clear, but a lot of this relies on direct and clear communication. Instead of hiding your feelings and taking on too many dates at once, ask the other person how they feel and what they are looking for and be honest about where you are. You will be surprised by how many times people may be open to what you are saying, if they are not, or they try and it doesn't feel right to them, then you have an answer. Indecision while it can feel safe and rewarding to enjoy liking two people it actually adds a lot of stress and anxiety for everyone involved. Sometimes people may get hurt, but often times they respect you if you communicate and don't lead them on.
Ask yourself who you think is most important to you, who is the one you can't live without, who is the one who make you feel better, laugh louder, the one you can trust. Try to make a list of each one flaws, you'll find that one has a particular flow: "not being the other". Give you some time to think and you'll figure out who you miss the most
I feel there is some truth to the statement "if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." But when you're in the situation, it can still feel like a huge life decision. I think you should evaluate what it is about each person that makes you love them, and what flaws you dislike about them. Then weigh out which of those lists are better suited for your lifestyle, personal goals and future plans. It's not always about the butterflies, we must also think practically when it comes to choosing a partner.
Anonymous
April 29th, 2017 5:05am
As Johnny Depp said, the 2nd person you fell in love with is the person you most love because if you really love the first person, you wouldn't have fallen for the other. It maybe hard to let go Either of the 2 but It is better not to be selfish and to have just one than lose both person you love.
Choose the second person you fell in love with. If you had genuinely loved the first, you would not have fallen for the second. Also, work to identify the love you are feeling. Is it platonic, the love of friendship? Or is it romantic? This is also important. But over all, love is oh so very complex. It may never make complete sense. In life, it's best to go with the flow of the sand in your hour glass, not question the forces of gravity. What feels right in your opinion matters more than anything. Have trust in yourself and live life freely.
Ask yourself: which one of these people do I reach out to more often? What do each of them offer and bring to our relationship (eg. they're comforting, they're fun, they're always there for me, etc), and which of those traits are more important to you? What are your incompatibilities with each of them? Thinking about these and similar questions can help you make up your mind. Polyamory and staying friends/in touch with the person you choose not to pursue romantically are also possibilities to consider, if you want.
The feeling of love isn’t always mutual. First see if the feeling is mutual. Loving someone doesn’t always have to mean dating or being in a relationship.
through my own personal experience, I have found the I am completely capable of fully and honestly love in more than one person for different reasons, and he given time. The things that make us unique and special are also the things that bring love to us and when we find that we are attracted to more than one person in a sense that can actually be considered love, then regardless of what society says we are supposed to do, we really simply have to follow our heart. Not everybody is wired for monogamy and we have to be able to be comfortable with Who We Are exactly how we are, and not find fault in our cells for not wanting to settle for less than what actually sustains us and makes us feel whole.
Find the one who makes you the best version of yourself, who brings out the best in you and who cares and tries to make you happier. Choose the person that would love you with the same intensity that you love them. We often forget that the person we choose now greatly impacts our mental and emotional stability later. Confusion is natural and love is never easy. However, love is beautiful when it is given back to you in a positive and healthy manner. Choose the person you see a future with not just your presence. Choose yourself and your happiness too.
Sometimes we don't really love two at once, sometimes we think we are in love but we are just kinda confused, the best thing is clarify our own mind so we can see what our heart really wants, try to see what you really want and then you can know if you are trully in love of any of them, also distract yourself and take your own time, don't take things too fast because you can loose the little details and sometimes the details are the things that solve everything and clarify your own mind, do what you really think is the best for yourself
Anonymous
November 29th, 2018 8:22pm
Take some time to figure out what you love about each person and see which person you think about when reading a book or taking a walk. One time I was told that you must not have loved the first person as much as you thought in order to fall in love with the second. Unfortunately I can’t really give you advice but those are some methods Ive picked up when it comes to relationships. Also remember to communicate with these people because they probably love you to. It won’t be easy but hopefully when you figure out who makes you the most happy you will feel much better.
Sometimes this situation can be hard, The thing you need to work out is who do you love more, it is possible, very possible. Sometimes you are in love with someone for so long that when another person comes along they seem to b like the perfect person for you however you then find you only saw what you wanted, I would advise to keep both people close, however if you love them both you have to make a choice who you want to be with and who you need to let go a little so they can find their true love.
Anonymous
April 10th, 2019 10:17am
I think the important thing to do is to first of all accept that you. We live in a society where monogamy is the go-to option, and by many religious and conventional standards is the only acceptable one. But people's emotions cannot be placed in neat boxes like this, everyone is different. Perhaps, allowing yourself to feel the way you do will help you further examine -- do they ways i love these people the same? What is affecting my feelings for the first person, what is -- the second? If you decide, that you honestly love and yearn for both people equally, then why not explore whether it is something that can work out?
My honest opinion is that you should make a pro and con list! It is a very simple and easy way to see what qualities you are looking for in a person. If you notice you are very unsatisfied with the answer the list gave you then you will know your true answer for which person is “the oneâ€. It is so important that when choosing between these people you make sure you understand that they are human beings, and to consider your own relationship priorities. Ask yourself if you love these two people because they love you, you sincerely love both of them for who they are, or if you want to be in any type of relationship as long as you get the love you are looking for.
The first and most important thing is to push any thoughts that something is wrong with you out of your mind. It is very possible to love more than one person! I would say to give it a lot of time and see who comes to you. Especially since you love both of them, it is probably hard to choose just one of them. Time heals all wounds, it's cheesy but it's true. So yeah time and space, don't go telling them both that you love them or anything yet, see who comes to you and has the guts to spill their feelings to you. I hope this helps :)
Anonymous
August 16th, 2019 6:32pm
There's a thing called polyamory, I recommend checking it out! It's about feelings love and passion towards multiple people at once, and being in crossed relationships. It a little different from the normal relationships we know, but for the people I know who are in polyamoric relationships, it works well!
If you love two people at once, it is completely your choice what you want to do. If you feel it is right for you to tell them both that you're also in love with the other, then go ahead, do that. If you feel that telling them would do more harm than good, then maybe give it some time and find a way to tell them when you think it's time. There is no right or wrong answer, what you choose to do is your choice and nobody should tell you what to do. Do what you want to do, what you think is right.
Anonymous
February 16th, 2022 12:59am
It's completely possible to love two people at once. I guess it's more of a personal mission to understand and see what you love about them. First, figuring out whether you love them romantically or platonically, if it's in the same category, in what way do you want to relate or be with them? I think it's a very personal, individual journey to figure out how to go on after loving two people. Do you want a relationship with one of them? Would you prioritize one over the other? Do you feel like cutting off both people? There are so many scenarios, but it's more important to figure out how to deal with it.
You man up and pick one. It's unacceptable to allow a relationship to continue when your head is turned in another direction. If something is missing in a current relationship figure out "the why" and go from there... One of our evolutionary traits and abilities as humans is our ability to use critical thinking and higher reasoning, which helps us not to act impulsively "Me centric" behaviors damage reputations, break down trust, often require us to lie and almost always hurt us in the long run. If unsure of what to do a therapist might be helpful, just remember ending a primary relationship is not always the right decision.
Being polyamorous is totally normal and many people feel this way and the capability to love multiple people at once. I suppose the most complicated part of this is deciding what to do with the relationship part of this. That comes with discussion, and the personal preferences of the people you love. If you are currently in a relationship with one of those people but not the other, you would need to be open and honest and let them know how you truly feel and perhaps have the option of an open relationship or something like that. I personally have no experience with this but I know it is totally normal and I imagine communication is one of the most important things you can incorperate in your decision here.
Anonymous
April 17th, 2021 6:09pm
We are capable of loving many people at the same time, but it is good to remember that there are different types of love, and re-evaluating the situation might help you get a clearer perspective on who you love and how you love them. It might be good to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, perhaps focus on yourself for a little bit and understand what needs you have and how best to fulfill those needs. Then you can pursue what is best for you in a way that is both healthy and fulfilling to your needs!
Love isn't something anyone should be ashamed of. Loving two people at once isn't really the problem. The problem comes with the expectations these people have for us. If we can be clear about were we stand, be honest and considerate about they're possible distress everything will work out on its own in the end. On the other hand, if we're not sure what our own expectations are from the love we feel about each person, it's better to take some time for ourselves and find out what we want. Feelings are human. We are human. The problems start with our reactions to our feelings. So, let's feel gratitude about the love and these two people coming to our lives and see how we can honor that luck by giving them the respect they deserve.
Anonymous
June 16th, 2021 5:22pm
Love is a complicated thing, and there are different kinds of love. Because there are different contexts for love, many people love multiple people at the same time, and it doesn't often present issues, because different contexts means there are different expectations of the people in the relationship. What is meant by "different contexts" of love? Well, loving someone in a familial way is different (and comes with different responsibilities and expectations) than loving someone in a friendly way, a romantic way, a sexual way, or a philosophical or spiritual way. How you love your mom is not the same as how you would love your spouse, and so forth. If you love 2 people at once, ask yourself whether you love them in a similar way, or in the same context. If you love them both in the same context, consider what is expected of you and them in those contexts. If it is a romantic or sexual love, is monogamy expected? If so, you may have to choose between them. If you and they are not looking for monogamy, then you may be able to have romantic or sexual relationships with both, if honesty and communication are employed. However, polyamory and polyfidelity as relationship styles require a lot of willingness, communication, and practice to work, and all parties will need to be on the same page in order to proceed in that manner.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2021 10:49pm
No one says you have to choose, you can love both ;). However, what is important is that there's communication. And if you have to choose, remember that you need to learn how to let go of the other person. Letting go of someone you love is hard, but so important for your mental health. You have so much love to give, but don't sacrifice your mental health for it. And make sure the person/people who love you also love you back, otherwise you will get hurt. Lastly, its important to love yourself but its okay if you are still learning to do that when loving others.
I've heard people say that if you fall for two people go for the second person because it isn't love if you fell for someone else, i say that it is love regardless. You contain multitudes, you have your reasons for loving each of them right? Look into that. Look into what each of them brings out of you. Focus on yourself. Ask yourself if it is infact love you feel for the both of them. Speak to whoever you are in a relationship with and sort things out with that person first. And most importantly if you have to choose, choose yourself and what makes you happy.
Anonymous
January 22nd, 2022 1:57pm
Ask yourself if you could live without one who would that be? And look at how they treat you as well. Sometimes we are caught in infatuation with people but you have to ask yourself if they really fulfill your needs as a person. Take time to make these decisions because they should not be taken lightly. It’s your life at the end of the day, you do not want to make the wrong decisions to regret them later. I wish you the best in this , it’s really a difficult position to be in but I’m sure you will decide what is best for you.
Spend time with both of them individually and evaluate which one of them has true intentions with you. Make sure whoever you decide to committe to only brings positivity and joy in your life and is someone who encourages you to take on challenges and achieve your goals
It’s a difficult situation - first thing to contemplate would be : polyamory? May sound jarring, but in the 21st century, it’s a legitimate option. If you find yourself open to it, the next step would be garnering how your love interests may feel about it - but if polyamory is out of the equation for you, then it’s time to contemplate your personal feelings. Go over the facts first : who did you love first? Would it be possible to decipher who you feel a deeper love for? Are you willing to make a compromise? Debating the facts whilst consulting your feelings may be the way to go.
When you’re involved in a love triangle, it has the potential to get really messy. You don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by cheating on them or spurning their advances in favor of someone else. It’s definitely possible to have strong feelings for multiple people. In fact, there’s nothing unusual about being attracted to more than one person or wanting to act on that attraction. Depending on what type of relationship you’re in, this just might not be possible. Many people in western cultures practice monogamous relationships. This means that you are to be loyal to one person and show them all of your love and affection. If you feel like you’re in love with someone else while still in a relationship, this can be problematic.
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