Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
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Tania
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Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.
Top Rated Answers
Accept the feelings you might be feeling, and understand they are normal. You were hurt, and your feelings are real. If you feel you can continue on a relationship without hurting yourself, or you feel that you can forgive someone for their indiscretion, then consider moving on with the relationship. Have open and frank discussions about your feelings and express your emotions. When you are ready, talk to your partner about what happened, and how they feel as well. This well help you both find common ground and move forward in your relationship.
You first have to know if you really want to still be with that person after they have cheated on you. Once you have decided that then the next step would be to speak about the reasons why that person cheated on you and thereafter take that step of forgiveness. Its more difficult to be the "forgiver" than the "forgived"
Forgiveness comes different to every human being, so a straight answer is difficult here. Generally it starts with them sincerely apologizing. Once they do that, work it out with a positive mindset!
I think that the act of forgiving someone who hurt you is easy. Its just the act of saying three words.
I think the hard part of forgiveness is coming to terms with the pain and betrayal. Its imperative to understand that you are not fault, and that the other party could be hurting as much as you are.
Once you do that than I think you can truly forgive.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2018 2:40pm
That really depends on the person. If you love them enough you will forgive them, you may not forget it happened, but you will eventually forgive them. It takes time and a lot of love, but if you truly want to, then you will forgive them.
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2018 4:03pm
Forgiving a cheater is difficult, they’ve betrayed a bond so dear and they’ve broken a branch of trust which metaphorically you’ve put work into growing together. When a person cheats they say that they get bored, this may be true however they haven’t got bored of you, they got bored of the routine, you’re not boring nor dull. However, forgiving a cheater is a task not many can perform, think of it as making emends for them, as depressing as it is, you could die any day and so could they.. would you really want them dying (or you) knowing that they’re still seeking your forgiveness?
So, in conclusion, I think that you should forgive within time to be the bigger person and make sure they’re not living with the guilt.. (however horrid they were!!)
just be happy because if they don't care about u why should u care about them they are happy in there own world they don't even know how many tears u shed for them so just stay happy and forgive them
You honestly can’t. If you do it’s hard. You shouldn’t though. They messed up with a special person.
Well, it really starts with forgiving yourself. Sometimes you blame yourself for things like not being good enough or not doing certain things to keep them away from other people. Please know, you did nothing wrong. Then you can move on to forgiving them, and that’s a long process. First you’ve got to accept what they did to you, and that it hurt you, then you’ve got to admit your personal feelings about it. Then I would suggest talking to a trusted adult or friend about these feelings cause you’ve got to let it out. Find outlets for the negative emotions, and as long as you feel those emotions keep using the outlets. Seriously they help a ton. That’s all I’ve got.
If someone cheats on you; the best way to forgive them would be to let go, and to not Blame yourself.
As a listener I can see that you’re hurt and you want to forgive them. show them that you’re you’re no longer hurt that you have pushed yourself past that zone that you have bettered your self, better than you ever could’ve if you never forgiven them. show them that you no longer hold on to that hurt or to the bad past memories that you have let you go and show them that yes I’m willing to forgive you but that does not mean I’m willing to let you back into my life and let you hurt me I’m going to show you that I am capable of forgiveness and I am capable of forgiving myself
It's hard to let go of the feelings of pain and anger, and it's completely okay to feel that way. However, anger is a poison that will eat you from the inside the longer you hold it in. You have to realise that by forgiving them, you are opening up a pathway towards peace. Of course, most hurts never really go away, but time heals and you will get better. If not soon, then eventually. You have to realise that it wasn't your fault, and to accept things for what they are. Forgiveness is moving on and taking care of yourself, but it is not justifying why your partner cheated. Please remember, you are worthy of a love that will last, and forgiveness is the first step in moving forward.
If they do it once then they’ll do it again. Once they see that you let it slide the first time, they start to get comfortable. People don’t change, they just get better at hiding it
it'll come on its own, dont force it because you fully wont move on with the hate or anger you have towards them
You just have to let it go. Honestly, it’s just holding you back from your full potential, maybe even in you entering into another relationship. Let it go so you can rest well and let them have sleepless because they are the one who chose to be unfaithful.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2018 6:06am
In order to forgive someone who cheated on you, you have to understand that it was not your fault and accept that. Once you understand that it was not your fault, then you can move onto understanding why they might have done this. Forgiving someone is no easy task and cheating is a bit more difficult. I believe it takes time, but once you have forgiven someone for hurting you, you will feel better. Holding onto hate or grudges is only painful for yourself and will weigh heavy on you in the long run. The old saying forgive and forget still has meaning today but in the sense of forget what was done and move on with your life.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2018 8:03am
When someone cheats on you, your mind and emotions scream at you to hate, punish and never forgive. It’s hard to let go of those feelings.
Nonetheless, forgiving someone for cheating will actually benefit the faithful person more than the cheater. The anger we feel after infidelity is like a poison that lives in us. Forgiveness is the antidote and the only way to move on.
You should try to forgive someone for cheating, but only once you understand what forgiveness means and how you can achieve it.Even when you know you should forgive and why you should do it, taking that step can seem almost impossible. Be patient and know there is nothing wrong with seeking help.
Anonymous
October 11th, 2018 3:21pm
The best way to be able to forgive is to have an open and honest discussion with each other especially with a therapist present. In order to heal and get over this, you must take the necessary steps to get better separately and as a couple. Personally, It would be very hard for me to forgive my partner for cheating but I would do my best to see where everything went wrong or could have been better. It is important not to blame ourselves for other people's actions and/or reactions. We should also not lose our core values and stand by what we believe. If we let people walk all over us, we will never achieve full happiness. Boundaries are important.
You shouldn’t feel you have to. It isn’t wrong to feel betrayed by someone who has cheated on you. You aren’t wrong for not forgiving them. In my eyes, they shouldn’t be able to forgive themselves. You may be able to forgive them eventually, but you may also never forgive them. It’s one of those things where only time will tell. This is because it can depend on many factors, including your connection to who it was with and how much you have been hurt by it. For example, if it was a drunk one night stand it may be easier to forgive the cheater than if it was with your best friend. Don’t feel you have to forgive them. And don’t promise yourself that you can. Many people can’t. As I said it can depend on a lot of things.
Anonymous
October 20th, 2018 6:54am
The easiest way to forgive someone who hurt you in any way is to realize that attachment is the root of suffering. If someone cheated on you, try to look in the mirror and ask yourself "Why did they do it?" Did you do something to provoke their actions? Did you try honestly communicating with them. If you really feel you haven't done anything, then you can be certain to understand that whatever you went through is only a reflection of who cheated/hurt you. This may not be the most pragmatic way to deal with this situation however, it certainly is the most sensible - to avoid further conflict and bursts of rage and bring some clarity in mind.
if someone cheat on you, that means the love you gave wasn't enough for him. or you are no more what he desires. if he cheat on you that means he is confused or unsure about the relationship. if he cheats on you means your relationship was weak. if he cheat on you just forgive him and move on. because feelings change and it is okay to let go of what hurts you. if he cheat on you try to remember the happy moments and forget the bad. forgive and forget is the key of a healthy lifestyle. talk to the person who cheated on you. ask for a reason and then if you can fix the problem it is good to continue with trust. just don't hurt yourself and blame your fate for his actions
I guess to forgive someone who cheated on you, who hurt you, who betrayed your trust is to first try to recognize that it is not your fault why did they do it. You are so much enough for anyone and you don't deserve to be treated like that. Second, is to think that at the end of the day people still make decisions that will benefit them more. This may looks selfish, but it is sadly true. We, people try to make decisions that will make us more happy, that will benefit us more. Probably that's where survival of the fittest comes in. Third, is to recognize that this person who have cheated in you, either they said sorry or not, still learn to forgive them. Not because they deserve it, but because you deserve inner peace and freedom from pain.
Firstly find out the situation and understand why they did it. Once you are able to, see if they are genuinely sorry and that they’re able to show more respect for you and your relationship. If you’re able to move on from the situation then you will be able to forgive.
You don’t want to constantly hold it over your partners head and use it against them. Resentment isn’t a healthy thing, but being cautious is completely understandable. Work through your problems together, see if your relationship is tenable and see if this cheating was an anomaly or something that can be forgiven.
Anonymous
January 11th, 2019 5:28pm
Forgiving someone who cheated on you can be hard. You just need tot ale it day by day. Forgiving someone is very important to do. I can not give you any advice but try and think of what you would do if you were the person that cheated on them. You want to think about all of the things and times in the relationship taht made you happy. When you talk to the person tell them how you feel first. You also have to give the person a chance to explain why they did what they did. The best thing you can do is to talk about it with the other person.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2019 1:10am
The key to forgiving someone who has done such a thing to you is acceptance. Try to figure out why it happened so you can get a better grip on the situation. Once you have gotten a grip, try to look at it from their perspective. Once you have done that you can be able to accept their decision thus letting you forgive them. You must also realize the difference between forgiveness and toxicity. If they cheated on you, it may be helpful to re-evaluate your relationship with them. If you feel that you are not compatible with each other, it may be best to end that relationship. Forgiving someone will always help you, but learn from what happened as well.
Anonymous
January 19th, 2019 2:10am
In order to forgive them, you have to see a genuine change in their personality. They must be willing to truly become more committed and loyal - only then can the healing process truly begin. From there, you can forgiveness becomes possible, because in a way, you know that the person made a mistake and is repenting for it. Being with someone who merely talks without backing up their words with actions ultimately leads to only further pain and suffering down the road. That's why I think you have to observe a genuine change in a person before you can forgive them and move on.
It's really not easy but ultimately forgiveness doesn't mean that you condone their behavior. Forgiveness is a way to allow your self to accept and move. Forgiveness frees you from being a prisoner of anger and bitterness and means that you will not allow the person to have that hold onto you anymore. It really is'nt easy and cannot happen overnight , but it's a journey of discovery and realization along the way . Taking the first step is the hardest but it does get easier once you've decided. Forgiveness allows you to bring love again into your life because we're looking forward to the future and not lamenting on the past .
Anonymous
February 10th, 2019 4:37pm
Well, I would say to you set yourself free from this person actions. Because it does not do you any good to try to be mad at this person. It's all about you and not this person because in the long run you are actually hurting yourself with stress and unwanted anxiety. It want be easy but you can muster up the strength to let it go or to even move on from this relationship. I know too many people that have wasted years of their life with hate. The one thing I would say to you is do you still believe that you can have a life with this person if not you probably just want to walk away before you get hurt even more.
When someone cheats on you, our mind becomes a chaotic place. You blame yourself, you blame your partner, you blame the person they cheated with, you blame the relationship. It is most important to first talk yourself out of blaming yourself for the actions and choices of another person. Once you are confident about that, you embark on the journey of forgiving your partner. Know that what they did was circumstantial/impulsive/irrational. Understand that as human beings, we tend to convince ourselves to do things we normally wouldn't- and these thoughts are probably driven by negative emotions. Condemn the incident, but forgive the doer- to protect your energy as well. Holding onto the hate/anger will only wreck your peace of mind. Why should you go through negativity that you aren't responsible for? Forgive the thought process that led them to commit that mistake but know that their mistakes don't define them. Concentrate on how they see their doing- are they sorry about it? Do they want to work it out? If you want to work it out as well, concentrate on how to go back to being happy. Treat the problem as an opportunity/wake up call to fix/come up with beautiful solutions to work through together.
Anonymous
December 19th, 2020 7:55pm
Talk to them and know that you don’t deserve to be with someone if they are just going to go out with someone else behind your back. No one deserves to be with someone who doesn’t want to be loyal to them no matter what they think. Everyone deserves someone who believes in them and is loyal to them no matter what they’re going through and no matter wether they think they deserve it or not they do and no one can say otherwise. The person who cheated on them doesn’t deserve them and if they are forgiven they’ll feel bad and hopefully won’t do it again.
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