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How to forgive someone who cheated on you?

263 Answers
Last Updated: 06/08/2022 at 5:05pm
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Top Rated Answers
BelindaCax
February 8th, 2018 2:03pm
The first rule to forgive someone who cheated is to first realize it wasn't your fault and the person acted on their own self-control. Anger is natural yet it isnt healthy to dwell on the past, so try to slowly repair your feelings from anger towards contentment. You may feel angry at yourself which means this is impossible yet with time you will realize it wasnt your fault. Give your heart some time to mend and dont force happiness towards the person, however, do not be aggressive, forgive someone is not for their benefit but for yours, allowing you to move on and mend your own heart and mind.
WarmMilkAndCookies
July 13th, 2016 8:13am
Why wasn't I good enough? Am I ugly? Am I stupid? Boring? Fat? Worthless? Why? What's wrong with me? These are the thoughts that poured through my head in the moments after heartbreak. I was so certain that somehow I was to blame. That it was somehow my failing that lead to her actions. The anger came later, slow, creeping, and a thousand times more damaging to myself than it was to her. She broke my heart and it never felt a thing. The stupid, uncaring, heartless, good for nothing, unforgivab-- Unforgivable? Really? She hurt you. There is absolutely no denying the singular fact that the ache, the one you buried deep in your heart; the one you only bring out when no one else is there to see, is the ache she caused. But is it truly unforgivable? Or can your find it within yourself to look past the ache, to look past the anger you use to mask your pain, and forgive her? I hope so. I have to hope so. But how do I forgive this wound? She struck a deeper wound than I have ever known. How do I forgive something like that? You walk a mile, you take a deep breath, and you look for the real reasons. It wasn't you, nothing your did nor any failing on your part caused this to happen. But it wasn't her either. Not truly. It was, instead, the pain in her life. Some struggle. Some heartache. Some loss. There was something that was simply beyond her ability to properly cope with, and it drove her to make a choice she probably regrets. She wanted some respite, some temporary salve for her wound, and so she made a mistake. And perhaps that mistake means that you can never trust her with your heart again, but it doesn't mean that you can't forgive her. She is hurt too. The sword she cut with was double edged. Indiscriminate. So maybe I couldn't forgive a heartless, thoughtless person who hurt me for no reason at all. This was a heart I once loved, once carried so closely to my own, and I know that, in truth, this was not an act with reason. And because of it she's now as hurt as I am, perhaps even more so. It won't be easy. It won't be simple. And maybe there are some things I couldn't look past. But a broken and bleeding soul? That I can forgive.
Ibearhugyou
July 10th, 2016 10:35pm
If that person cheated for whatever reason, the real question is do they really love you? If you want to forgive someone who cheated, you have to keep in mind that it will be hard to forget. First what you have to do is ask them, why they do it?. What made them make the decision. Understand the reasons why they did it. Forgive them from the heart, and I know it's really hard to forgive someone who cheated. But if you love them, you have to put aside what they did. Especially if they love you too. Try to not overthink their bad decision because it's the past. Learn to love them again. Relive your past experiences with them, relive those emotions like when you guys were first starting to talk. The feelings you had inside when they saw you. The smile on your face when the talked to you. How happy you were with that person, and how alive they made you feel. :) Whenever you are with the person, think of those beautiful moments you had together and so on. Just be careful because you might get hurt again. Think about if you still want to be with that person.
sunflowersmiles415
August 30th, 2018 7:59pm
It can be hard to deal with something so extreme as cheating. It’s often said if someone really loves you then there should be no excuse for cheating. However, sometimes it is necessary to try and work something out, especially if the person seems genuinely sorry. It takes patience and caution to forgive someone who has hurt you so badly. You must be able to stay strong and not dive back into things due to overwhelming feelings and they must be willing to show you how sorry they are. This is the only way you’ll be able to feel happy with forgiving them and it will be good for you long term.
Flawlessinsanity21
July 9th, 2016 12:36am
The only way to forgive them is to choose to forgive them. That will definitely be very hard at first, but with time and evidence/proof from them that shows they are no longer doing such things and are trying to be good to you, you will be able to forgive them. Time heals all wounds, no matter how big. Remember that.
Brahmaputra
April 26th, 2019 2:25pm
Forgiveness is happiness. You should always move on with life, as you will be having more things to experience rather than dwelling on past and rot with it. Forgiving will give you a sense of relief from all the worries it brings with it and make your heart lighter and releases stress out of it. Which in turn will make you start enjoying all the small small things happening in and around you and spread the happiness to others. If you don't forgive people for their mistakes, a grudge will start developing within you which will burn from inside before you spill it on others. So always "Forgive and Forget" should be motto of one's life.
YellowDaydream
July 3rd, 2016 10:21am
Forgiving is very hard, and it's even harder in that case. But after a brief period of grieving your past relationship and being angry at the person, you will realise that you deserve better. You did not deserve to be cheated on. And today, you do not deserve to feel awful because of this person. Forgiving is a very important step to move on. It does not justify the wrong but instead does not allow it to affect us anymore. Forgiving also helps us to see the positive as we are choose to free ourselves from the negative feelings. Best of luck x
CinnamonPancakes
September 13th, 2018 6:18pm
The absolute best thing to do is to forgive someone who has cheated on you. Please believe that you don’t stay with that person because the saying is definitely true, “ once a cheater always a cheater”. They will always find more excuses to do it again and sometimes even blame you for them cheating but always know that it is never your fault. Forgive them and empathize with them because there is something seriously wrong going on in their lives on the inside of them and that is not your fault. Forgiveness is important to allow you to heal and to move on. It’s not to make them feel better but to give yourself inner peace.
MaxiEm
December 30th, 2020 11:13pm
Take time for yourself. Don't force yourself to forgive too quickly, especially if you're not ready. Don't push for more than you can take. If possible, try to have a meeting with the person and make sure you let them know exactly how you felt and still feel. After this chat, take time for yourself to decide how you want to approach this. Maybe take some time off and go for a walk or something, just do something that clears the mind. Listen to yourself. This could take awhile but that's okay. Once you've had enough time, you can forgive.
Raspberrycheesecake
May 31st, 2018 4:54pm
You just have to learn how to trust them again. it can be hard, but with the right amount of time and attitude, you can slowly forgive them.
electricFriend52
September 20th, 2018 10:48pm
I think that its just a matter of me realizing that I was only hurting myself, the other person did not even think of me anymore and I was the only one hurting. Grudges hurt you the most, and the other person does not even realize hoe you are even feeling. Once I figured that out, it was easy for me to see that forgiveness was just the best option for me. That also help me move on from that person, and that just made me a stronger person. Life goes on and you either move with it or you're left behind.
ratboi
June 5th, 2016 5:22am
first of all, understand that you dont have to forgive them if you dont want to. but if you do, know that even though what they did was wrong, they arent a bad person.
Anonymous
March 6th, 2021 9:28pm
Being cheated on is different for everyone. Sometimes people can look past it and forgive however it’s a little harder for some people. Listening to your heart and intuition is always the best thing to do. Try to weigh out the pros and cons of leaving or staying with this person. Having a positive and healthy conversation with the person who cheated on you is also a good thing to do. At the end of the day you need to really talk to yourself and see what you want and don’t want and what is acceptable and what’s not
AMomentInTime1830
July 11th, 2021 5:07pm
One thing to remember is forgiveness is not about forgetting or being okay with what has happened. Forgiveness is about allowing yourself to move forward. Forgiving someone who has cheated is incredibly difficult for many reasons, and creates a lot of feelings that are hard to understand or accept. Realizing it had nothing to do with you is the first step. That this person cheated because they made the choice to do so, despite the ways in which they tell you you may have contributed. We all make choices, and we have to own and take responsibility for our own actions. Second, which can only come once you’ve truly accepted the first, you can’t take it on as your own. Nothing you did or said gave permission to betray that trust, and it’s not a problem with you that needs to be addressed. Only when you can really believe it’s not about you, can you start to forgive. You forgive yourself first, for allowing feelings of doubt and insecurity and you nurture your needs and broken heart. Give yourself the love you deserve, and know you deserve better. Forgiving your partner is accepting what they’ve done, and making a choice to not let it control you. To let the anger and hurt fade, finding a lesson or positive in the situation. What did this teach you? How has it changed you, and if for the worse, how to switch it the positive? Find your strength and confidence, maybe redefining your personal boundaries Forgiveness is for you, and your healthy mind.
Sunisshiningandsoareyou
July 9th, 2021 7:14am
I am sorry to hear you've been cheated on, it is honestly a very awful experience, so valid to feel shaken up and lose trust and feel confused about future. It is extremely commendable to even think about forgiving someone who did us wrong, you're such a strong person for considering it, I feel more than for the other person, it is important for us to forgive and let go , because past can't be changed , we can only accept it and learn our lesson and move forwards, however we can take all the time to accept and move past it , no rush . Forgiving helps us feel lighter and open to new things and people in life, after letting old stuff go . Perhaps it would help to accept what happened and then look out for yourself assuring that the worst is over, you're free from someone who wasn't worth your time and efforts and can now make space for someone who is loyal and for you, in between, it is needed to ignite our self love and do things good for us, what we find enjoyable and comforting to us .
Nakshatra
March 20th, 2019 1:34pm
When someone cheats on you, our mind becomes a chaotic place. You blame yourself, you blame your partner, you blame the person they cheated with, you blame the relationship. It is most important to first talk yourself out of blaming yourself for the actions and choices of another person. Once you are confident about that, you embark on the journey of forgiving your partner. Know that what they did was circumstantial/impulsive/irrational. Understand that as human beings, we tend to convince ourselves to do things we normally wouldn't- and these thoughts are probably driven by negative emotions. Condemn the incident, but forgive the doer- to protect your energy as well. Holding onto the hate/anger will only wreck your peace of mind. Why should you go through negativity that you aren't responsible for? Forgive the thought process that led them to commit that mistake but know that their mistakes don't define them. Concentrate on how they see their doing- are they sorry about it? Do they want to work it out? If you want to work it out as well, concentrate on how to go back to being happy. Treat the problem as an opportunity/wake up call to fix/come up with beautiful solutions to work through together.
Anonymous
February 10th, 2019 4:37pm
Well, I would say to you set yourself free from this person actions. Because it does not do you any good to try to be mad at this person. It's all about you and not this person because in the long run you are actually hurting yourself with stress and unwanted anxiety. It want be easy but you can muster up the strength to let it go or to even move on from this relationship. I know too many people that have wasted years of their life with hate. The one thing I would say to you is do you still believe that you can have a life with this person if not you probably just want to walk away before you get hurt even more.
happylistener333
December 16th, 2018 5:27pm
Firstly find out the situation and understand why they did it. Once you are able to, see if they are genuinely sorry and that they’re able to show more respect for you and your relationship. If you’re able to move on from the situation then you will be able to forgive. You don’t want to constantly hold it over your partners head and use it against them. Resentment isn’t a healthy thing, but being cautious is completely understandable. Work through your problems together, see if your relationship is tenable and see if this cheating was an anomaly or something that can be forgiven.
Anonymous
January 11th, 2019 5:28pm
Forgiving someone who cheated on you can be hard. You just need tot ale it day by day. Forgiving someone is very important to do. I can not give you any advice but try and think of what you would do if you were the person that cheated on them. You want to think about all of the things and times in the relationship taht made you happy. When you talk to the person tell them how you feel first. You also have to give the person a chance to explain why they did what they did. The best thing you can do is to talk about it with the other person.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2019 1:10am
The key to forgiving someone who has done such a thing to you is acceptance. Try to figure out why it happened so you can get a better grip on the situation. Once you have gotten a grip, try to look at it from their perspective. Once you have done that you can be able to accept their decision thus letting you forgive them. You must also realize the difference between forgiveness and toxicity. If they cheated on you, it may be helpful to re-evaluate your relationship with them. If you feel that you are not compatible with each other, it may be best to end that relationship. Forgiving someone will always help you, but learn from what happened as well.
haveyoumetJuliet
November 28th, 2018 11:42am
I guess to forgive someone who cheated on you, who hurt you, who betrayed your trust is to first try to recognize that it is not your fault why did they do it. You are so much enough for anyone and you don't deserve to be treated like that. Second, is to think that at the end of the day people still make decisions that will benefit them more. This may looks selfish, but it is sadly true. We, people try to make decisions that will make us more happy, that will benefit us more. Probably that's where survival of the fittest comes in. Third, is to recognize that this person who have cheated in you, either they said sorry or not, still learn to forgive them. Not because they deserve it, but because you deserve inner peace and freedom from pain.
GazelleOfGaz
November 23rd, 2018 7:22pm
if someone cheat on you, that means the love you gave wasn't enough for him. or you are no more what he desires. if he cheat on you that means he is confused or unsure about the relationship. if he cheats on you means your relationship was weak. if he cheat on you just forgive him and move on. because feelings change and it is okay to let go of what hurts you. if he cheat on you try to remember the happy moments and forget the bad. forgive and forget is the key of a healthy lifestyle. talk to the person who cheated on you. ask for a reason and then if you can fix the problem it is good to continue with trust. just don't hurt yourself and blame your fate for his actions
Anonymous
January 19th, 2019 2:10am
In order to forgive them, you have to see a genuine change in their personality. They must be willing to truly become more committed and loyal - only then can the healing process truly begin. From there, you can forgiveness becomes possible, because in a way, you know that the person made a mistake and is repenting for it. Being with someone who merely talks without backing up their words with actions ultimately leads to only further pain and suffering down the road. That's why I think you have to observe a genuine change in a person before you can forgive them and move on.
twopeasinapod
February 8th, 2019 12:38pm
It's really not easy but ultimately forgiveness doesn't mean that you condone their behavior. Forgiveness is a way to allow your self to accept and move. Forgiveness frees you from being a prisoner of anger and bitterness and means that you will not allow the person to have that hold onto you anymore. It really is'nt easy and cannot happen overnight , but it's a journey of discovery and realization along the way . Taking the first step is the hardest but it does get easier once you've decided. Forgiveness allows you to bring love again into your life because we're looking forward to the future and not lamenting on the past .
Anonymous
October 11th, 2018 3:21pm
The best way to be able to forgive is to have an open and honest discussion with each other especially with a therapist present. In order to heal and get over this, you must take the necessary steps to get better separately and as a couple. Personally, It would be very hard for me to forgive my partner for cheating but I would do my best to see where everything went wrong or could have been better. It is important not to blame ourselves for other people's actions and/or reactions. We should also not lose our core values and stand by what we believe. If we let people walk all over us, we will never achieve full happiness. Boundaries are important.
EmpatheticSeashell007
September 4th, 2019 2:31pm
It is difficult, not impossible. Speaking out of experience, do it for yourself. Because hate and hurt, both are heavy. Forgive them for not seeing your worth, forgive them for choosing someone else, forgive them for making a mistake. You don't necessarily have to get back with them after forgiving them. Let them go, along with your pain. It took me a while too, but I came to terms with it eventually. It's like leaving things on time. Revenge just brings temporary happiness or just the adrenaline rush. Be the bigger and better person for yourself. Let it go.
GEMINIALDRIDGE8D
October 13th, 2018 10:18pm
You shouldn’t feel you have to. It isn’t wrong to feel betrayed by someone who has cheated on you. You aren’t wrong for not forgiving them. In my eyes, they shouldn’t be able to forgive themselves. You may be able to forgive them eventually, but you may also never forgive them. It’s one of those things where only time will tell. This is because it can depend on many factors, including your connection to who it was with and how much you have been hurt by it. For example, if it was a drunk one night stand it may be easier to forgive the cheater than if it was with your best friend. Don’t feel you have to forgive them. And don’t promise yourself that you can. Many people can’t. As I said it can depend on a lot of things.
Anonymous
October 20th, 2018 6:54am
The easiest way to forgive someone who hurt you in any way is to realize that attachment is the root of suffering. If someone cheated on you, try to look in the mirror and ask yourself "Why did they do it?" Did you do something to provoke their actions? Did you try honestly communicating with them. If you really feel you haven't done anything, then you can be certain to understand that whatever you went through is only a reflection of who cheated/hurt you. This may not be the most pragmatic way to deal with this situation however, it certainly is the most sensible - to avoid further conflict and bursts of rage and bring some clarity in mind.
itgetsbetter567
August 2nd, 2018 4:05pm
You just have to let it go. Honestly, it’s just holding you back from your full potential, maybe even in you entering into another relationship. Let it go so you can rest well and let them have sleepless because they are the one who chose to be unfaithful.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2018 6:06am
In order to forgive someone who cheated on you, you have to understand that it was not your fault and accept that. Once you understand that it was not your fault, then you can move onto understanding why they might have done this. Forgiving someone is no easy task and cheating is a bit more difficult. I believe it takes time, but once you have forgiven someone for hurting you, you will feel better. Holding onto hate or grudges is only painful for yourself and will weigh heavy on you in the long run. The old saying forgive and forget still has meaning today but in the sense of forget what was done and move on with your life.