Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
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Tania
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Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.
Top Rated Answers
Let yourself grow and it will come naturally there is no reason forcing it. Everything will come in the right place at the right time. Understanding and accepting is a big step and learning to accept the adverse experiences is totally the hardest part here. Nothing sad is ever easy to manage but if managed correctly it will help us grow and develop psychologically. The more we learn ourselves the more we mature and are able to deal with various situations that demand our effort and energy.Forgining a person that did harm you can really be healing in other words.
Forgiveness can come in all different ways and all different speeds. The pain brought with the act of cheating is something that takes time to heal, and there is no need in trying to rush the process. Talking to the person might help, since understanding their side of the story can help you understand the situation a little better as well. But there is no need in talking to the person if you don't feel comfortable doing so. Forgiving is not forgetting. We cannot do anything to control other people's actions, but what we can do is control our own actions towards the situation. Holding negative feelings is not helpful for anyone involved, but it is a more than understandable thing to do, and there are some things that only time can heal.
If someone cheated on you, that can effect us, in a bad way, and can be very hard to cope with. It’s hard for us to forgive someone we love who cheated on you. But you would need to give it time, there’s a saying that says time heals everything. I can’t promise that’s true, but if you give it time, you maybe can find it in your heart to forgive the person who cheated on you, I’m not saying you should stay together. But giving it time, you can forgive and forget. And i truly wish everyone could have a perfect relationship, but that doesn’t always happen
Anonymous
December 17th, 2020 3:34pm
You don’t ever have to forgive. It’s a choice that you make for yourself. If I were you, I would only forgive if they prove it will never happen again. Definitely talk to them about it and figure out why the cheating occurred and how you both can overcome it as a team. Communication is KEY! You need to be open about your thoughts and feelings about the situation. Maybe journal about how you’re feeling as well. Again, you don’t have to forgive. Only do what is best for you. Remember, trust is earned, not forgiven. Good luck! !
Anonymous
December 19th, 2020 7:55pm
Talk to them and know that you don’t deserve to be with someone if they are just going to go out with someone else behind your back. No one deserves to be with someone who doesn’t want to be loyal to them no matter what they think. Everyone deserves someone who believes in them and is loyal to them no matter what they’re going through and no matter wether they think they deserve it or not they do and no one can say otherwise. The person who cheated on them doesn’t deserve them and if they are forgiven they’ll feel bad and hopefully won’t do it again.
You have to forgive yourself first. Without forgiving yourself you will not be able confidently go back to trusting your partner. You have to forgive the "I'm not good enough" and "I'm not pretty as her or her or her" thoughts. Those thoughts about yourself will eat you inside out. Forgive yourself for having them and find a way to love yourself first. Trust will be a hard concept to earn now, but you can't trust if you let those thoughts consume you. Or sometimes you won't be able to forgive a person who has broken your trust and hurt you and that is okay too.
Time. Everything takes time to heal, especially when it comes to the betrayal of trust. Trust is very difficult to rebuild, but it is possible with time. If you want to forgive them, you will have to put in work too, you can't expect them to beg their way through. Trust can and has to be rebuilt with the effort of both parties. You will have to work on rebuilding your self-esteem/confidence, your trust, and how to manage your emotions. They will have to work on regaining your trust and how to be more reliant. I think that there has to be a lot of understanding and new compromises made in order to reach common ground.
for me forgiveness is more about finding peace within yourself and releasing resentment than making the other person feel good or forgetting that what they did hurt you. I think it's important first to acknowledge all the emotions that arise from being betrayed: feel angry, sad, hurt, etc so that you can move through the experience without dismissing it. It becomes a whole lot easier to arrive at a place where you can see the person who betrayed you as a human and find empathy for why they did what they based on their own experience and not because you deserved it.
Anonymous
February 22nd, 2021 10:20pm
Forgiving someone who cheated on you is not always easy and to be honest it won't happen over night it will take days or even longer to forgive someone who cheated on you whether it be emotionally or physically it takes time and it also depends on if the person asked for forgiveness and confessed to cheating makes it a lot better and easier to forgive other than someone who doesn't show remorse at all taking it day by day and also getting closure helps to make the process of forgiving someone easier over time you will end up forgiving the person and hopefully forgetting as well in order to move on do not dwell on the past take it day by day and it will all get better
Relationships are really fragile things. I can understand you may have a lot of reservations about forgiving someone who cheated on you and you have every right to feel the way you do. Its natural to feel disappointed and betrayed when you put yourself out there for someone and then the something shakes the rock foundation of your universe. To ask yourself the question "Do I trust them again?" says a lot about how much you care about this person. Forgiveness is something that cannot be forced and takes a long time. What we choose to forgive someone for can be conditional and must come from your own set of values and beliefs although others may advise you on how to feel and what to forgive and not forgive.
If unsure on how to go by any stress in your relationship you can share your thoughts and feelings with a listener or an online therapist on our site. Other organizations that provide information and resources on relationship stress like Relate can provide you too with support or even couples therapy.
Go by your own experience and intuition to move forward! You are capable of making your own choices!
I would like to start this off by saying that you don’t owe anyone any forgiveness if you don’t want to give it. I think that’s very important to remember. I also think it’s important to consider the context around the cheating, how badly it affected you, and how much trust you had that person to start with. If you want to be with them, you should try to work out some ways to build that trust back up again, otherwise, it will be hard to look past, and you guys won’t ever really move on from it. Hope this helps!
Anonymous
June 17th, 2021 11:04am
I believe everything happens for a reason. But when they happen to you it’s really hard to think in a straight way that everything happens for a reason and better things are coming. when someone has cheated you it’s really hard for you I know. But it’s really going to be not easy for you moving on with a grudge. You don’t forgive that person because they have asked for forgiveness. You forgive them for the sake of yourself and your own mental peace. Tho it seems hard but slowly slowly you accept the things that has happened to you and tell yourself that you deserve the best and its time to let go. That’s how you forgive them.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2021 8:51am
Cheating is an extremely hard pill to swallow! But, forgiving your unfaithful lover certainly does take time. But when you do it, your heart feels lighter and you eventually get rid of any negative emotions against them. Its always best to forgive them, and move on. If you believe in Karma, It works best for such people! Sometimes, The Universe and the almighty takes care of them, without us putting any effort to get revenge. You may feel enraged, heart broken, and depressed at first at your partner, but for how long?? Someday you'll need to forgive them!!!! That person will feel embarrassed to even look at you if you haven't forgiven them. So Forgive and Forget! :)
The first thing to remember is that when you forgive someone you are freeing your soul from being slowly poisoned to death.
It is never easy to forgive someone especially when they have cheated on you. I'm sure you'll probably never going to forget this negative incident.
When my girlfriend cheated on me, I first thought that I was lousy that's why she wanted someone else. Through time, I learned to love myself more, I stopped blaming myself for the fall of the relationship.
I believe it is best not to have the victim mindset, or make your ex an enemy. All these would inevitably evolve to become your life baggage.
To the best of your abilities, let go, and be free!
Anonymous
August 4th, 2021 12:49pm
Forgiveness is not given so the other person can feel better, forgiveness is given so you can finally get some peace in your mind and some sort of closure. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting everything that happened. The best thing about forgiveness is you can actually feel better about yourself and this can help you move forward and grow as a person. Besides, life is too short to live while holding grudges. Enjoy every moment and learn from the whole situation so you won't end up in a similar relationship with someone else, and finally forgiving the person that cheated on you will help you move past the whole situation because getting cheated on doesn't mean you are not enough.
Anonymous
August 11th, 2021 11:16pm
Forgiving is one of the hardest things to do... I feel you need to realize your self-worth and know you did not deserve what happened to you. Do not feel guilty! You need to accept the fact that this person hurt you! It is not easy to forgive someone and it will be really hard to. Remember you can forgive the person but that does not mean you still date them. Time works wonders and coming to realization with your feelings will take time so try not to rush it. There are no instructions or directions for forgiving someone. That's a personal choice and decision.
Anonymous
September 1st, 2021 2:57am
Just try to see the best in him or her who have cheated on you. Try to recollect all the good memories and moments you shared with him/her.
If you really love that person it’s very easy to forgive that person. Life brings in lots of ups and downs, just think we are all imperfect humans and due to that persons imperfect behavior he or she ended up cheating. By forgiving you will get a peace of mind for yourself as well. If you are not going to forgive you will always carry that baggage in your life. So to leave the baggage behind it’s best to forgive
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2021 3:12pm
I can imagine exploring this question can be very challenging in a situation where a relationship is falling apart. You may want to reflect on your partners reasoning and try to understand the why’s behind what they did. Is there any regret or compassion from them towards their infidelity? If you were in their place would you expect your partner to give the relationship another chance or be accepting of wanting them to end the relationship with you? Once you both have an genuine, open and honest chat with each other maybe the possibility of forgiveness will be more open. Please do not feel pressure to forgive. This feeling must come through naturally and not forced. Maybe ask yourself if you were to forgive what would that mean for you and your relationship? You can also look at this the other way: If you were not to forgive what would this mean for you and your relationship ? If wanting to give the relationship another shot ask yourself why?
Both parties need to heal. The individual who cheated and the individual who was cheated on. Emotions in such circumstances can be of confusion on who you have given your heart to and not knowing much about partners boundaries . A discussion on boundaries with your partner may in this way be needed. Choosing not to forgive and wanting to end things on good terms can mean showing gratitude for the joyous memories you both shared.
Thank you for reaching out! You are so welcome to communicate with one of our amazing listener on our site. The Relationship Support room is open 24/7 every Thursday where you can communicate with people who can relate to you in going through relationship troubles. Relate and OneLoveFoundation are examples of organisations for attaining information on relationships issues.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2021 1:17am
Forgiving someone can help you find peace within yourself, sometimes we have to accept the apology we'll never receive in order to forgive and move on. You don't have to forgive them personally, but forgiving them inwardly can help you start to let go of what was done to you and work towards a better future for yourself. This helps you reflect on what you need from a partner and helps you learn so much about yourself and your needs. Forgiveness equals moving forward and forward is the motion that encourages positive emotional growth. Forgiveness is healthy and builds strength.
Anonymous
December 18th, 2021 4:01am
It's hard to forgive,but in the end it's better to just let it go because it eats up your mind and soul. People who cheat often don't have guilt or remorse and barely care about anyone but themselves. Think of them like a small child doing a mistake, because their brains don't work well enough to communicate and try to solve the problem but instead they cheat. You can't go around holding a grudge against people with such a mindset as it's just a waste of energy
Honestly - sometimes you can't... But not every situation is the same and sometimes context makes a difference here. There's a checklist maybe you can apply to the situation with your partner and see if it helps you get any peace. First, are they naturally a cheater or was this a one off? Because some people take their relationships seriously and others don't. Which category does your partner fall into? Second, can you cope with being in a relationship with someone you know will easily do it again? Do you want it have to deal with the lies and the excuses and the pretence? Can you trust them when they're at work or out with their friends? Third, how many times did it happen, that you know of? Fourth, and this might be a deciding factor, did you find out because they told you or did you discover it for yourself? And fifth, were they, to the best of your knowledge absolutely honest about what happened? If they fessed up immediately and appeared distraught when they related the news, that says a lot about how much of a mistake they know they made. Ultimately it all comes down to whether or not you can trust them after the event. If you can't, maybe think about walking away. Trying to keep tabs on someone isn't the best way to navigate a relationship, all of which come with their own unique challenges even when you're both faithful. And remember to protect yourself and your esteem levels; being trapped in love with someone who runs around on you can have seriously detrimental effects on you as a person and might leave you with baggage you don't want to bring into future relationships. Give yourself a break, put yourself first and then decide what is going to work best for you with this person. Remember, you can't change a person but you can change what you're willing to live with.
It is never easy to forgive someone who cheated on a relationship, whether it is a formal agreement or not. And the idea of whether the person cares or not about what h/she will make the idea even worse. We forgive the way we are forgiven. To forgive is necessary for ourselves alone, so as not to continue carrying the pain. When a person finds it hard to forgive cheating, understand and acknowledge this idea- this bad feelings can be the reason for bad actions which results to regrets. Giving yourself proper space to heal from the pain of cheating will help a person form the forgiveness the situation deserves.
Anonymous
June 8th, 2022 5:05pm
I think that it may be hard to forgive someone for doing something that can really destroy you. I feel that forgiving shouldn’t be done because you should treat yourself with the highest respect. I think that is possible to move forward and move on with your life in a positive manner. I think also for many people it maybe hard to get into a relationship again after being cheated on but It’s really important to keep an open mindset. So i think that instead of forgiving you let go which in a way is forgiving but it’s also knowing your self worth. You should never believe that you should be cheated on or that you deserve it.
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