Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
Ta
Tania
Moderated by
Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.
Top Rated Answers
Forgiveness can come in a lot of different forms. We can forgive them by respecting that they made a choice that changed and shaped their life. By thinking of a time when we ourselves were impulsive and irrational. Forgiveness doesn't have to be staying with someone who cheated on you, it doesn't have to be staying in contact. It can simply be an acceptance and a release of all of the negative emotions we have. I learned long ago that forgiveness is actually not for the person who hurt us, but forgiveness is for ourselves. Let that negative energy and emotion go, and you yourself will walk lighter.
Anonymous
May 25th, 2019 6:34pm
Speaking from personal experiences the best way to forgive someone who cheated on you is to first accept the fact that it actually happened , i was in denial for days when this happened to me and somewhere deep down it feels like it's our fault , that we are not good enough , but buddy that's not the case i assure you that :) So after you have accepted that someone had cheated on you , now accept the fact that you are amazing as you are and THIS has nothing to do with you , this is all on the other person and their choices and decisions :) After we have ourselves in a much clearer light , things become a little easy to look upon and reflect, nobody is perfect but we try nonetheless :) Reflect upon yourself and how you can make yourself better , engage yourself and over some period of time you'd see for yourself that forgiveness for the other person comes from within and on it's self. All you need to do is just breathe and let it all flow/run it's course first !
Hope that was of help :D keep smiling and be brave :)
Forgiving is difficult for most of us. We feel betrayed by someone we trusted. Something that you could do is sit down and think about the incident to see where things may have gone wrong. Try to determine what it is about the betrayal that affects you the most. After that has been determined speak to the person about it, if possible. Tell him/her how you feel and exactly what it was that hurt you the most. If you cannot speak to the person, try writing it down or practicing the speech in the mirror. Writing and verbalizing helps to release the feelings that we have inside. Actually say, I forgive you for ... This should help you feel better.
Anonymous
June 21st, 2019 4:44pm
You have to remember no one is perfect and you did nothing wrong, don't blame yourself in the situation.
It's all on them. Never beat yourself up over something like this.
Remember that everything will be okay, it just takes time.
I've been this kind of situation before.
You'll get through this just fine, no worries. Just try to relax and love yourself. You are better off without them if they decided to treat you so badly like that. You deserve love and respect, not to be treated like dirt.
Never think otherwise. Everything will turn out okay in the end, just you wait
Being cheated on someone is an absolute horrible feeling. Especially being cheated on by someone whom you trusted your life with. The first feeling is betrayal when you are cheated on so forgiving that person is definitely not on your list. However forgiving someone who cheated on you is possible with the correct steps. Personally, the best way to get over that betrayal is not bottling your emotions as these feeling and emotions will eventually build up one day and you will explode. The first thing to do is letting all your emotions out. Keep the next few days for yourself. Sometimes it may seem very hard to go out and carry on with life as usual but it is possible. Once you’ve let your emotions out, you need to take care of yourself physically. Take a shower, spray on some perfume, do something you love, watch a movie.
The next step which is very very difficult is reasoning. It is extremely important to listen out for the other person who cheated on you. This way you will have some closure and also a beginning point from where you can carry on.
After some time, you will eventually feel the pain begin to lessen, it will still be there but one day it will not get as much. You will cry one day but the pain won’t be as bad anymore. You will reminisce the days and be grateful you got to spend them days and have them fun times. And because of that forgiving that person will be much easier. Forgive. It will lessen the pain and the burden you hold.
Thank youx
Hope everything goes well x
Anonymous
June 26th, 2019 5:08am
You have a couple of options, the two main options being forgive them or don't. If you're trying to forgive them you have to know that both of you are in it for the long run. Look at everything beforehand, how long have you two been together? Things like that. If you two haven't been together for a long time and they've already cheated then maybe they aren't committed enough to the relationship. If you've been together for a long time and they cheated then it's up to the both of you to decide the steps from there as to how you're going to make it work.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2019 5:02pm
Decide whether you should forgive the cheater. This is the most important step. Before you try to make things work, you have to decide whether it's worth it. No matter how much you love your significant other, you should know that forgiving a cheater may be one of the toughest, most emotionally taxing things you will ever have to do.Take time to cool off.Don't blame yourself.Have an honest conversation.
If you still can't forgive your significant other, then let go. It takes time to forgive an open communication would help to sort out things. Talk through it. Don’t overstrain or stress on it or what happened.
It is very difficult to forgive someone who has cheated on you. If that person knew that it would hurt you and still chose cheating, he/she doesn't really deserve to be cheated. At the same time it also depends on how that person cheated and if you can accept it and move on with it. It also depends on how much you want to get back to the person who cheated you. Sometimes its just too hard to forgive but too easy to forget the mistake they make. That's when forgiveness and moving forward comes into picture. If its impossible to forget the betrayal and are really hurt and feel used, its not worth forgiving. Live a happy life and look for someone who treats you right and who cares for you.
Cheating is a great way to lose trust in someone. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me and I can't trust him the same ever again. The most important thing to remember here is that you want your relationship or friendship to be healthy. In the case of cheating, I would definitely say taking a break or breaking up completely is a good idea. Each situation is different, though! To forgive that person, I would say the number one thing to remember is that they made that choice and it isn't because of you. They learned a lesson from making that choice. If they choose to do it again, then it isn't your problem. If they are sorry and have learned a lesson, then that's a good thing. I find it was easier to forgive the ex who cheated on me when I broke up with him and we became just friends. Then, I could trust him as a friend but I don't have to worry about him cheating on me. If you are looking to forgive them so you can stay in a relationship, then have a conversation with them about trust and maybe give yourself some distance from your significant other so you can figure out what you want to do about it. I hope this helps. :)
Anonymous
August 18th, 2019 12:09am
First of all you have to be proud of yourself for loving and trusting someone so much. If they cheated on you, it’s their loss. There’s so much more in this world to see. Forgiveness is an act of bravery. Once you believe in yourself and accept and once you’re at peace with yourself you will start growing. Forgiveness will come from the heart. Let go of all the things that hurt you. Learn from them and know that everything happens for a reason. Once you accept yourself the way you are, everything will fall into its right place.
Forgiveness is very artificial and not useful in my opinion. After an incident like this, you will certainly be unable to feel the same about them. So, why do we seek to forgive them? To tackle our resentment? To resume interacting with or exchanging things and favours with them? If it is the latter, one could try to do it without letting any feelings towards them get in the way, it is unpleasant but possible. If it is the former, then it can only happen when they and your memories of the relationship become an insignificant aspect of your present. Getting there usually takes time and conscious effort. Your present life and new responsibilities become your priorities and your mind finds it of no consequence to waste any energy on the thought of them, except sometimes as a lesson learnt or if you are alone again and want to self loathe one particular evening, which will hopefully pass too.
Its hard. Its such a breaking of trust with an intimate friend. And sometimes forgiveness can look like never seeing them again but releasing yourself of hurt and anger. Forgiveness doesn't have to include trusting them. Forgiveness can just be a moment you take often with yourself to release yourself of letting them hurting you through memory or into the future. Let yourself mourn the betrayal. Let yourself mourn the loss of trust. And then ask yourself about if you want to trust them again? Can you trust them again. And what do they need to do or say so that you can regain trust. or so that you can forgive them. You can forgive without them apologising. If you are comfortable with that. Because by forgiving them, you will have less bitterness and hatred to deal with, two things that may poison nice experiences later on. Talk it out. We are here for that.
It is difficult, not impossible. Speaking out of experience, do it for yourself. Because hate and hurt, both are heavy. Forgive them for not seeing your worth, forgive them for choosing someone else, forgive them for making a mistake. You don't necessarily have to get back with them after forgiving them. Let them go, along with your pain. It took me a while too, but I came to terms with it eventually. It's like leaving things on time. Revenge just brings temporary happiness or just the adrenaline rush. Be the bigger and better person for yourself. Let it go.
You can forgive a person because you deserve peace in your life and stability of your mind.But this is not easy.You should so courage to forgive and this can be done by thinking that it was just an incident which should not affect your future. You do not have control on your past but you can control your present to improve your future. This incident might have broken you but you can not let your pain to overcome you.You should overcome your heart break from your action which can bring good in you and your surrounding. You should take this incident to improve your strength which will help you to forgive others.
In many relationships cheating is a serious offence, and in most cases an unforgivable action. However, if you are your partner are both willing to deal with the situation then you both need to be completely open and honest with each other. Talk about how you both feel. Your partner may have some feelings to share about the situation as well. Create a safe space to speak freely, if needed you can seek couples therapy from a healthcare professional. Cheating takes time to forgive, and will probably hurt for a long time. But love conquers many things, and if you both fully commit to healing it is possible. In the case that you are no longer together, it's best to talk to those around you that love and support you. Your partners actions are not your fault, and its important to remember that you are worth love and respect.
be the best version of yourself you can be. get that closure you need. and be thankful that they showed you a prime example of what you dont deserve. I think its a very hard think to go through you know? The instant feeling of betrayal and a sour feeling that sits in your stomach. You begin to doubt yourself and really hold in a lot of anger for that person. I think taking sometime to care for yourself and stepping back to think about the positives of the situation can really teach you alot about the situation and help you move forward.
Forgiveness does not mean that you plan to continue a relationship, platonic or romantic, with that person. It may be easy to dismiss completely an unfaithful partner, and in some instances may be the best choice, but there may be underlying reasons that after hearing, may help you heal faster.
After the initial wave of shock sets in, knee jerk reactions are not productive. It will be painful, but having a conversation with and actively listening to your partner to hear the "whys" and getting clarity as to why they cheated. The answers may help, but it is facing the issue head on that has a chance of setting you on the road to recovery.
We are not perfect, and as noted, forgiving your partner does not mean that you will keep in contact with them - that is up to you.
forgiving is not easy but we live in this earth for short span of life so if we can forgive and move on in life we have so many things to do and be happy instead of thinking of being cheated and hating that person and avoiding them .. we can teach them good things and PROVE THEM WE ARE NOT THE SAME LIKE THEM we have love and we carry from our heart
Anonymous
April 21st, 2020 3:58pm
It's difficult but it's not impossible. I know its hurtful but the most important thing in my experience is not to blame yourself. I asked my ex the questions but I was receiving mixed messages. For that reason I decided to focus on myself. What is it that I want from life and a partner. I started to listening to influential speaks, joined online mediation groups etc. Eventually I learnt sometimes we dont receive answers or closure but thats ok and maybe I needed to experience this to grow as a person. I forgave my ex not for him but for me. I feel more freeier and a better person for it.
remember your self worth.think about how much better you'll feel after you get that hate out of your chest.then leave them out of your life.positivity is key. that's all you want surround yourself with. cut the out of your life because you only want people that bring you up in your life. use this as a learning experiencing, not a painful one. look at the bright side of things. now you wont have someone that makes you feel bad about yourself in your life anymore. take care of yourself and dont hold hate in your heart for future relationships.
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2020 9:18pm
A strong person can forgive . Not every person has such a power . Because in order to forgive someone you should try to understand ,, and give another chance maybe .. Forgiving does't come always with another chance .you can forget and move one .. But i think the question is ... is enough to forgive only ... ?Does that comes with forgeting too ?are like ying and yang ?Forgiving someone who cheating on you depends on how much that person means for you ... how much are part of their life and how much you know them
Relationships are between two imperfect people. And they can be messy, if you feel that you want to forgive someone, and it is OK to still have moments of not forgiving, you have to get in touch with compassion, for yourself and your partner. It is an active emotional state that you have to choose and maintain with love, positivity and most importantly open communication. Please don't shoulder this betrayal alone- now you need good people in your corner. Keep in mind that you may try to forgive and then decide that the cost is too high. Writing down your feelings helps, honouring your hurt helps too.
Cheating is a horrible breach of trust between people. It's like a punch in the gut. It is very hard to forgive someone after that. However, I think it is important to realise that you are mainly hurting yourself by being angry at someone. It's a natural reaction, but it is not healthy to keeping this negative energy inside of yourself. Try to focus on learning from this experience. Focus on yourself and your gut instinct about where you want the relationship to go next. Expect that this whole process will take time, but it will set you free. Forgiveness brings peace to you and that's the most important thing. Keep in mind that forgiving does not mean forgetting.
Firstly, understand that it has nothing to do with you, and doesn not define your worth in any way. After this, proceed to evaluate whether you think they have learnt their mistake and only proceed if you feel certain that they have undergone a positive change. This can vary from person to person, but most often is evident in changes in toxic attributes of attitude, speech and reactions to situations. After confirming and believing that your significant other has improved for the better and will not intentionally hurt you again. Feeling safe and accepting that human beings sometimes make miscalaucted decisions are the first steps to adopting a more forgiving mindset. Next, begin to let them back into your life in little ways, and slowly, so that you feel comfortable and can forgive them at every step of the way.
Forgiving Someone That Has Betrayed You In A Way Is A Good Step. In Order To Move One You Have To Forgive That Person. You Have To Learn Not Carry So Much Hate In Your Heart. One Way You Can Forgive A Person Is By Closure. Talk To That Person, Make Peace With What Happened And Move On. When You Talk To That Person Ask For Answers As In Why Did They Do It & Just Simply Forgive Them. You Will Feel So Much Better And Moving On Would Be Way Easier. Make Peace With Your Past. Good Luck!
Anonymous
August 8th, 2020 12:34pm
Forgiveness is a very challenging thing. I personally think that forgiveness is a choice, and whether or not you you want to forgive that person is entirely up to you. The other aspect of this is that the person that cheated on you, do you feel that they are truly remorseful for what they did?
Forgiveness should be done on your terms, and for your own peace. You are not obligated forgiveness to anyone. That's not a very popular opinion by any means but you're not obligated to forgive someone that has hurt you. They will have to live with your decision even if they don't agree.
If you want to continue a relationship with this person, talk to them and try to understand the motivations and thoughts they had that lead them to the cheating. Understanding the cause will help you address the cheating in a way that separates it from the hurt they caused and you may be able to work on the underlying issues forgiven that person. If you want to end communication with this person, you can forgive them for yourself, to let go of the anger and the hurt and betrayal. That forgiveness doesn't mean you are ok with them hurting you, but that you don't want to carry that hurt with you anymore.
Anonymous
October 11th, 2020 9:05pm
This is a tough question. Based on my experiences, it is important to take some time to heal, look at your own needs and take care of yourself. Once you feel that you are a bit more stable and safe, you can try thinking of situations where you did not meet your own standards. Could you forgive yourself for not meeting your on standards espite knowing better? Then, try to see that the person who cheated on you genuinely regrets their actions and also did not meet their own standards. Can you now forgive them for making this mistake despite knowing better? Nontheless, from my experience it is still important to voice your needs and talk openly and get to a place where you are sure that your partner is more committed then ever to honor your needs. Than you can feel loved and safe again in that relationship.
To forgive someone who cheated on you takes time and effort. You may start by reviewing the whole situation once again after the anger and sadness are not bluring your thoughts. Try to see the event from an outsider's perspective, be fair to both your partner and yourself. The questions to ask are not about who are right or wrong but more how it happened and what caused that. When things are put in front of you without bias, naturally you would see that the cheating behaviour might have something to do with your own behaviour as well. Imagine how you would do in his/her shoes, accept that people can make mistakes and they might not do things to hurt us intentionally. If there are things you and your partner could still work on about the cheating issues, talk openly and nicely. You don't need to be able to forgive on a specific day, only wanting to forgive and starting the process of forgiving is already a good step. Fully forgiving is a process.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2020 4:36am
Not forgiving someone is like a double edged sword. You are hurting yourself more but not forgiving them. Forgive them so you can move past this. Understand that it was not your fault. Moving foreword can mean that you need to let go of the past as if it was a heavy bowling ball tied to your ankle. You can move foreword all you want but life will be a lot easier to cut it off and out of your life. Pray to who you want to pray to and ask for the strength to forgive and then let it go and move on. Leave it to fate.
Talk to an expert therapist
She is a really sweet and empathetic person and our conversations are very...
Reviewed Nov 2, 2024
Talk to Kajsa NowRelated Questions: How to forgive someone who cheated on you?
How to get over someone you have to see everyday?My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. This really hurts me. What should I do?Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? If so, how? How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?He said I was perfect for him, but he chose someone else?I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.I love two different people. What should I do?