Why weren't we warned?
I will never understand why women aren't more prepared for perimenopause/menopause. It's something that is really important for us to understand. I have tried to talk to my mom about it, but she isn't helpful. I have also tried to talk to doctors about it and they are completely unhelpful.
I think my situation might be worse than usual, because I'm on blood thinners due to having an irregular heartbeat. Prior to being put on them, I was really concerned, and said, "but I'm still menstruating, how will these pills affect that?" and the doctor, just stared at me blankly and without emotion said, "It will be much heavier, with excessive clotting." and I was like..."no, that's not good".
Bascially, I cannot leave the house, very easily, because of the heaviness. It doesn't matter what products I use, they are not great. The only thing that I have found to help is using maca, and not taking iron supplements while menstruating. The maca, I was told, could cause blood clots, because of the natural estrogen it has in it. Of course, I use the blood thinner, so not sure if that is a bad factor. Regardless, my doctor said I will never be a candidate for hormone therapy while going through this. I'm ok with that, maybe...
***trigger warning in next few paragraphs***
But recently, I had a very dark week, the week just after I stopped menstruating. I haven't been that dark in a really, really long time. I felt like I couldn't go on, that there was nothing good in life, that I was a horrible person. I just sat, wanting to cry, or actually breaking down and sobbing. I have never suffered from PMS or severe mood changes like this with menstruation. This completely caught me off guard.
The gynecologist I talked to, who is also female and was in her 60s, told me that the erratic emotions only happen once you are completely through everything, when menopause is actually menopause and not "going through menopause"...so, she was also unhelpful, because that hasn't been my experience.
Although my mom rarely talked about her menopause, she did mention to me that my great grandmother ended up committing suicide while going through menopause. I am trying to make sure my dark emotions, or hormone fluctuations don't get the better of me. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it and I need to find someone who can relate to what I'm going through, rather than looking at me in pity and saying "every woman goes through this, get over it."
All I know is it's gross, horrible, awful, just all of the negative things about it. I thought I would be emotionally about not being able to have children anymore, but that isn't it...I just want this over and done with so I can actually leave the house.