Why weren't we warned?
I will never understand why women aren't more prepared for perimenopause/menopause. It's something that is really important for us to understand. I have tried to talk to my mom about it, but she isn't helpful. I have also tried to talk to doctors about it and they are completely unhelpful.
I think my situation might be worse than usual, because I'm on blood thinners due to having an irregular heartbeat. Prior to being put on them, I was really concerned, and said, "but I'm still menstruating, how will these pills affect that?" and the doctor, just stared at me blankly and without emotion said, "It will be much heavier, with excessive clotting." and I was like..."no, that's not good".
Bascially, I cannot leave the house, very easily, because of the heaviness. It doesn't matter what products I use, they are not great. The only thing that I have found to help is using maca, and not taking iron supplements while menstruating. The maca, I was told, could cause blood clots, because of the natural estrogen it has in it. Of course, I use the blood thinner, so not sure if that is a bad factor. Regardless, my doctor said I will never be a candidate for hormone therapy while going through this. I'm ok with that, maybe...
***trigger warning in next few paragraphs***
But recently, I had a very dark week, the week just after I stopped menstruating. I haven't been that dark in a really, really long time. I felt like I couldn't go on, that there was nothing good in life, that I was a horrible person. I just sat, wanting to cry, or actually breaking down and sobbing. I have never suffered from PMS or severe mood changes like this with menstruation. This completely caught me off guard.
The gynecologist I talked to, who is also female and was in her 60s, told me that the erratic emotions only happen once you are completely through everything, when menopause is actually menopause and not "going through menopause"...so, she was also unhelpful, because that hasn't been my experience.
Although my mom rarely talked about her menopause, she did mention to me that my great grandmother ended up committing suicide while going through menopause. I am trying to make sure my dark emotions, or hormone fluctuations don't get the better of me. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it and I need to find someone who can relate to what I'm going through, rather than looking at me in pity and saying "every woman goes through this, get over it."
All I know is it's gross, horrible, awful, just all of the negative things about it. I thought I would be emotionally about not being able to have children anymore, but that isn't it...I just want this over and done with so I can actually leave the house.
You gotta find a new doctor. There are doctors out there who will listen! Try to find online reviews and see if anyone had a good experience with them who have your same issue. If you are willing, you can find a fb group for your particular issue and ask if anyone has doctor recommendations in your geographical area.
i am sorry, it’s hard to have a medical problem and feel like no one is listening
@LovelyPlace4774 I'm so sorry you are going through this. I kind of understand what you are going through. I'm 50 and in menopause. I understand how sometimes your emotions just go to a dark place and it's harder to dig yourself out of that dark place. Hang in there and keep fighting. I constantly have to check myself and consciously try and dig myself out of that state of mind by either coming on this website, exercising, journaling or whatever I find works to get my mind back on track. Don't give up, keep fighting, there is still happiness and hope.
@gratefulalive
Thank you, I appreciate the support. I need to figure how things to do to help me. This site hasn't been that helpful so far...mostly because of some negative experiences I've had. I'm still trying to stick with it, though.
@LovelyPlace4774
I'm very sorry for what you are going through and that you feel not getting the support you need. When I went through perimenopause and the beginning of menopause I had many problems to cope and no support neither, my gynecologist even laughed at me when I mentioned that I found it unusual to be on my period for 3 weeks. I must say though, this is a long time ago and I think there is more understanding now. It also seemed that those who had it behind them did not really want to talk about about so I'm glad we have this forum and can support each other. I hope it will make you feel more understood. I cannot relate to what the gynecologist told you, I found that menopause itself was easier than perimenopause and the longer I was in menopause the calmer I got but of course, but that's my personal experience. Something I did find what was very helpful is getting enough rest, healthy food, making sure vitamin and mineral levels are well balanced. I wish at that time I would have been more into mindfulness as I am now because I strongly believe it can greatly help women to cope. So sorry that you did not find getting the support you need here and had some bad experiences. I hope this will change. If you like to share about the experiences you made here, please do not hesitate to pm me. Sending you comforting hugs. ❤️
@LovelyPlace4774. I was totally unprepared for menopause myself. I had never even heard about peri menopause, which turned out to be much worse for me then menopause itself. So I am not sure what that doctor is talking about. I think that it is different for everyone I found little support when I went through it too. I don’t find anything that you wrote about disgusting at all. I hope that we can support you here.
@adventurousBranch3786
I have been told that perimenopause/menopause is different for everyone, which is why there is very little information about it. More women are coming forward, though, which is great.
I didn't want to go into my disgusting experiences with this LOL...because they truly disgust me and I am just horrified every time I start menstruating. I can't wait for this to be over.
this has been a hot topic for me lately too! All my friends who are also perimenopausal complain about how little their doctors help, how little anyone actually talks about it (historically speaking) how we have zero clue as to what to expect or that perimenopause is even a THING!! Or that it can last for 10 years. But I did listen to someone the other day talk about how actual menopause is great because we lose the crazy hormones and can therefor see things from a whole new light and sense of self. So I hold onto that.
as for your situation, please please know that you are not alone. At all. I have never struggled with PMS either and suddenly I’m like a rabid animal towards my own little children. My friend was saying how one minute she will be streaming tears and have to explain to people why her son playing well at practice makes her cry uncontrollably, the next she wants to bash heads together and break things. I haven’t started yet with the heavy bleeding like you/she has, but I did get my period 4x in the last 2 months with spotting the entire time in between. My libido is non existent.
im so sorry you’re dealing with it all. Please come on here any time you are feeling alone or dark or whatever. You can even reach out to me directly as we make this journey together
Menopause is not pleasant. I am 7 years into it. I am now dealing with irritability and depression. I get more frustrated and overwhelmed by my emotions. I tried to get on HRT but turned down by doctor. I take supplements for mood support. Right now taking St. John's Wort and Saffron. It does take the edge off.
I may get on Wellbutrin again which I have not taken in over 12 years. I took it for Seasonal Affective Disorder at a low dose which helped me get thru winter blues.
I struggle each day with this but keep trying to find a solution and won't stop until I do find one. Still hopeful.
@friendlyCat50
I'm very sorry that you're struggling that the effects of menopause have such a negative impact on your health. Good that you found something that takes the edge off but it needs to be more, not just the edge, and I hope you will find something that will work for you!
@LovelyPlace4774
I completely agree, why don't people prepare women for this huge change. I am so sorry you are experiencing this awful situation and your correct " where's the support for this???!" I went through the worst decade of my life and barely survived it.
It started with a parents death when I was 50 ....then I was barely past that grief and trauma( the parents death was so traumatic for alot of reasons) and boom perimenopause kicked in and I had no idea what was going on. I had some bad really debilitating and painful medical affliction to add to the misery and it sent me into a huge spiral down a dark rabbit hole. I felt like I was losing my freaking sanity. Then one of my adult children had a near death medical emergency barely survived, and during all this mess I was s. assaulted. That's just a snippet of what was going on- there were other major issues with other aging parents/ illness/ care giving $ etc. Major Job problems too. I just completely lost it and before I knew what happened I was seriously suicidalll. I just collapsed under the weight of all this stuff going on all at once! A girl can only take so much.
I finally got help in the form of therapy and meds. If not for this amazing therapist I'd likely be in heaven at this point. Fortunately I am doing better but I'm still not 100 percent. It's been about 7 years of pure h*** but I can say that it is possible to get to the other side of menopause and be ok. It's all about putting your needs first above everything and everyone else. And reach out for any and all help you can find . You're important and deserve peace and health. Just keep fighting. Ask alot of questions and be a pest if you have to.
Best always
ABB 💜
Hello! Thanks for sharing. What you've been mentioning in your story has resonated with me on some levels.
I was having severe bleeding for a long long time, while i felt it wasn't ' normal' every Doctor told me it was.
Fast forward i needed to see a specialist who performed an ablation on me. Its been 6 yrs now and i've never looked back.
I understand the frustration ,mood swings and embarrassing accidents😒 i dont feel i need to go into great lengths about my own experience so i will extend the olive branch and if you need to ,
Please feel free to message me if you want to talk more in depth and ask questions. I will be happy to support you in any way i can.
@LovelyPlace4774 I think finding a new doctor is important and there is a subreddit called r/childfree that has a list of the best doctors who actually help women. The name of the sub comes from a desire to find doctors who will perform sterilization without ridiculous requirements but those same doctors also help women with so many other things. I hope so much one of the doctors on the list is close enough to get to for you and that you can get the help you need and deserve.
We were not warned because it is different for everyone....have friends who have had miserable times from peri- to after and had years of hot flashes and other things
then there are still others that had very little if any issues with it...hard to prepare someone ( a daughter ) for symptoms you never experienced or could not relate to
