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First time sex
lavenderZebra7651 August 14th

Is it ok to have pain when doing intercourse for first time?

Is it ok to not aroused even though doing foreplay.


married 2 weeks ago and still a virgin

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Optimisticempath August 14th

@lavenderZebra7651

yes friend it's definitely ok and normal to not feel aroused during foreplay ... or to experience pain during intercourse... different things work for different people so you can always talk to your partner about what you like and not ... comfort levels etc

you also don't need to do anything you're not comfy with or want to <3

maybe get to know your partner more first and develop more comfort and intimate understanding 

1 reply
lavenderZebra7651 OP August 14th

thank you for this clarification

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Aayla August 14th
@lavenderZebra7651 some pain on the first time is very common, but if it doesn't go away with time you should not ignore the issue. Sexuality should be a pleasurable experience, not a painful duty. The fact that you don't experience arousal is probably the cause of your pain, if you don't get properly lubricated you are going to feel pain. Make sure to talk about it with your partner and figure out what is more comfortable and pleasurable for you, and don't force yourself to go any further until you're properly lubricated. If you can get aroused but intercourse is still painful, then you might want to check for other medical issues. Don't push yourself, though, and don't feel inadequate because of this. Everyone has different times and needs.
2 replies
lavenderZebra7651 OP August 14th

I didn't do intercourse yet. because when he try to enter I feel pain and I stop doing it. I want to overcome that. and go to next step. everyday I stop when he try to enter

1 reply
Aayla August 15th
@lavenderZebra7651 maybe he should stop trying intercourse for a while, and focusing on getting you more excited instead. The female body is more complex and might need more time to figure out what feels good, and your husband needs to accept that, there's no point in trying to have intercourse if you are not aroused enough to make it possible and comfortable. Of course it takes a lot of communication and empathy from his part, but you can get there if he's willing to slow things down and help you get in the right conditions
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Ashen4 August 14th

@lavenderZebra7651

I should start by saying, everything is absolutely 'okay'. If it's what you're feeling, then it is valid, and you should not be worried about whether you're doing things right or wrong. That said, if you're asking whether it is normal, I'll provide a few thoughts here:

As others have mentioned, some pain on the first time can be normal, but generally should not be unbearable—and if it continues, that might be a different issue.

Additionally, while it's perfectly okay for you not to be aroused (even during foreplay), that does likely mean there might not be sufficient lubrication there to help you—which also be part of the fault of your partner, if they're not helping you feel sufficiently comfortable and pleasured enough to be in the right headspace to enjoy the experience—because you should also be enjoying yourself, as well!

If none of this helps to improve the experience, it might be worth considering a professional (such as a sexual health counselor, therapist, etc.) who can help guide you with more specific actions?

2 replies
lavenderZebra7651 OP August 15th

@Ashen4

I tried with my finger. but still paining. so I decided to meet a doctor

1 reply
Ashen4 August 15th

@lavenderZebra7651

It's awesome that you're taking that step to take care of yourself, and hope that everything goes well with the doctor :) Wishing you the best as you continue on your journey!

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