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🔍 Exploring the Mental Load: Unveiling Women's Hidden Burden

Mya000 February 23rd
  1. Hello everyone!

    Today, I would like to delve into a topic that affects countless women: the mental load. Women often find themselves juggling multiple roles and responsibilities, from managing households to their careers. However, amidst these myriad duties lies a hidden burden known as the mental load. This phenomenon not only impacts individual well-being but also reflects broader societal inequalities.

    🔹 The Cumulative Weight: Understanding the Mental Load

    At its core, the mental load encompasses a range of tasks, including, but not limited to, remembering appointments, managing family schedules, planning meals, coordinating childcare, and keeping track of household supplies. The cumulative weight of these responsibilities can be overwhelming, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and exhaustion for women.

    🔹 Beyond the Home: The Second Shift in the Workplace

    Moreover, the impact of the mental load extends beyond the confines of the home. In the workplace, women often find themselves juggling professional duties alongside domestic responsibilities, leading to what has been termed the second shift. This phenomenon not only affects women's career progression and personal well-being but also contributes to the pervasive gender pay gap.

    🔹 Societal Expectations and Gender Norms: Perpetuating the Mental Load

    One of the key contributors to the perpetuation of the mental load is societal expectations and gender norms. From a young age, girls are socialized to prioritize caregiving and domestic duties, reinforcing the idea that these tasks are inherently their responsibility, further cementing the unequal distribution of the mental load within households.

    🔹 Recognition and Support: Essential Steps Towards Alleviation

    Furthermore, the lack of recognition and support for the mental load exacerbates its impact on women. Despite shouldering the majority of these responsibilities, women's contributions are frequently undervalued and overlooked. This not only undermines their sense of accomplishment but also perpetuates the cycle of gender inequality.

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    🔹 Questions for the Community:

    What are your thoughts on the mental load? How do you navigate and address this issue in your own life and community?

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Mya000 OP February 23rd
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cafedaydreams February 23rd

@Mya000

I think the main key here is support. If you are a married woman, having a supportive spouse that is willing to share in the mental load and responsibilities is crucial.

I can't relate to much of this because I am unmarried and don't have children to care for, but I do understand that society had a tendency to reinforce unbalanced roles. I think that's a big reason why some women feel they have to choose between a career and family when men often do not. 

However, I don't like getting discouraged and have hope that it doesn't have to be this way and can be changed or at least shifted. 

1 reply
Mya000 OP February 25th

@cafedaydreams Thank you for sharing your perspective! You're right; support is indeed crucial in sharing the mental load and responsibilities. These societal norms are indeed significant challenges for women in balancing career and family. It's heartening to hear your optimism, every voice and effort toward change counts!

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purpleTree4652 February 23rd

@Mya000

Hi, Mya,

I don't navigate it.  I sort of drag it around.  I have PTSD, clinical depression, and a chemical imbalance.  So, tasks and chores are extremely heavy to me.  I do the absolute least I can get away with, and even that is overwhelming.  Luckily I don't have a family.  I only have a kitty, so I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone but myself and my cat.

--tree.

4 replies
Mya000 OP February 25th

@purpleTree4652 Hi Tree, I hear you. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and it's commendable that you're doing what you can, even when it feels overwhelming. Taking care of yourself and your kitty is what matters. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen. Take care <3

3 replies
purpleTree4652 February 25th

@Mya000

I do need someone to talk to sometimes.  Do you have a listener account?

Thank you for the offer.

2 replies
Mya000 OP February 25th

@purpleTree4652 Yes I am a listener, you can send me a message anytime you need someone to talk to, and I will reply as soon as possible!

1 reply
purpleTree4652 February 26th

@Mya000

Ok, thank you.

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ChaoticListener February 24th

@Mya000

Vital topic! This is something I have been researching since I was about 11 years old. I am one of those tired feminists still harping about the lack of an ERA (equal rights amendment to the Constitution) for women because there is nothing in the literature of the Constitution or any other document of the American government that explicitly protects or helps women. The only amendment that explicitly mentions women is the one that gives women the right to vote (the 19th, 1920 amendment mandating women's suffrage).


Therefore, this means that not only things like maternity leave are up to each individual employer, which America is already notorious for lack of good labor laws or practices, but it also means there is no written law, amendment, or policy for women. Whereas there is for men. Let alone non-binary people.


The mental load, fatigue, invisible labor, physical and mental labor, and payment in actual flesh and blood that women are expected to dole out unwaveringly is sickening.


Like some others mentioned I try to do the least I can to get by but yeah that workplace discrepancy in expectation is *** wild especially what men and women both blame women for. The way teachers, nurses, and any other traditionally feminine profession is treated is also appalling. The gender pay gap is embarrassing. We could be doing so much better as an American society and world overall, for all women, non-binary people, and men. But especially women and non-binary people.

1 reply
Mya000 OP February 25th

@ChaoticListener Thank you for sharing your insights! Your dedication to researching and advocating for gender equality since such a young age is inspiring. It's disheartening that despite progress, there's still much work to be done in achieving true equality.

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communicativePond1728 February 24th

@Mya000

My thoughts on the mental load is that there needs to be way more solutions or changes to prevent, heal and allow recovery for these women. It infuriates me that this exists. 

How I cope is just by not participating in it. Not by choice...I saw my mom waste away under the mental load and my family break apart. I've never married or had kids. Won't until it's safe.

So things like meditation, support groups, literature, workbooks, counseling, solitude, self love, journaling and more all are working to make sure that never happens to me.

Lots of bad relationships also are working to show me how my past is effecting my present and future. Taking total responsibility for my life is the only way out. Terrifying but necessary.

1 reply
Mya000 OP February 25th

@communicativePond1728 I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you've faced, but I admire your strength and resilience in finding ways to cope and take care of yourself. Your commitment to your well-being is truly commendable, it's important to prioritize your mental health and happiness. It's empowering to see you taking control of your life.

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Skansly February 24th

@Mya000

instead calling it as a burden isnt it a choice chosen by women what they want to do . what stopping them otherwise. also what domestic duties we speak of differ if these women leave alone . i cannot think of any ( compare it to men who live with family vs alone). then are childcare duties . there are equal distribution of responsibilities between parents to raise a child. if you are talking for single mothers , single fathers have the same burden and they both are responsible for the choices they have made. people can always hire workers to do the same job that seems a burden to them but they just dont do it cause maybe they have beome habitual or its out of their budget.  so its much better always to use people instead of men/ women.

1 reply
Mya000 OP February 25th

@Skansly The burden of domestic duties and childcare falls disproportionately on women, this isn't a matter of personal preference: it's a systemic issue rooted in gender stereotypes and structural inequalities. Studies consistently show that women bear a disproportionate burden of domestic work, even when living alone. Single mothers face unique challenges due to financial hardship and social stigma, which aren't mirrored by single fathers. 

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darkiya February 26th

@Mya000

I do not make space for myself. My needs always come last. My therapist has told me for awhile now it's something I need to work on but the problem is if I don't do it, I don't trust it'll get done.

I am the sole income of my household.

I am the one at work everyone knows has the answer.

I am the rock my sisters turn to when things are rough.

But I am burnt out by life. I  turned to therapy because I couldn't find joy anymore. Each day I go through the motions, I tough it out and I put on the mask. I bail water out my leaky ship and slap another coat of paint over the rotting door.

I fantasize sometimes about leaving. Living out of my car and being homeless... where I don't have any obligations beyond myself.

2 replies
Mya000 OP February 27th

@darkiya It sounds like you're carrying a tremendous amount of responsibility and pressure on your shoulders. It's commendable how you've been there for others, but it's equally important to take care of yourself. Your therapist's advice about making space for your needs is crucial, even though it might feel challenging given your circumstances.

Being the sole provider and the go-to person at work and for your sisters can undoubtedly take its toll. It's understandable to feel burnt out and to yearn for a break from it all. Your thoughts about escaping to a simpler life highlight just how overwhelmed you must be feeling.

Remember, prioritizing your own well-being doesn't mean neglecting your responsibilities, it also means ensuring you have the strength and resilience to continue fulfilling them. It might take time and effort to shift this pattern, but you're already taking a significant step by acknowledging it and seeking support through therapy.

CalmRosebud February 27th

@darkiya

Darikya, I used to have this fantasy, you know, escaping, living in a car, though in my fantasy I was “glamping” and I had a rather decked out van or trailer, so I could travel willy and hither wherever I wanted. 

The closest I ever came to that was digging my own home and living in the desert, but I had done that before having all the responsibilities I did. So that is what makes me think the “need to escape” maybe is part of the human condition.

Of course, during the time I had all the responsibilities like a confluence of events, I couldn’t at that time afford a therapist. I developed the coping mechanism of taking a mini vacation in my mind. This seems to still work. 

It’s something readers do. They sometimes can read and thereby enter other worlds. But that implies time to read, the ability to concentrate and other factors. 

I don’t know if this helps, but maybe knowing your mental load resonates with someone else helps.

I don’t know.

I wish you all the best.

We’re all jugglers when it comes right down to it.

And some days are better days for juggling than others.

Love and Courage, Rose

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March 7th

@Mya000 Mental loads can be a lot to deal with, I know for me personally I always will feel the most inner stress, fatigue, anxiousness, not eating enough. but what I do or at least try to do is I walk to a downtown strip that is a few blocks away from where I live and I just walk around and if I want to buy something then I buy something. I find that getting out of the house is decent medicine for me mentally and physically because I'm not just sitting in my room mindlessly watching videos. so yeah

1 reply
Mya000 OP March 8th

@chipandale33 It sounds like you've found a wonderful way to cope with the mental load and stress you're experiencing. Taking a break from the daily grind and getting some fresh air by walking around downtown is a fantastic idea. Not only does it provide a change of scenery, but it also gives you a chance to disconnect from the digital world and focus on yourself. If you ever need someone to talk to or support you along the way, I'm here for you.

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