Recent Breakup
I had a really recent breakup and I'm not at all coping well. There were issues beforehand, often on my side, and I think we often drained each other and felt stressed out. I think we were both willing to make it work until I had a really bad, almost a break from reality type of panic attack in his care where I screamed to be let out and sobbed all the way home. I knew the relationship was coming to an end, so I told him it was best to break up and he left. We texted a bit later once I'd de-escalated and called my therapist, and we got to the point where he said the panic attack scared him and he didn't even know what to do anymore and knew he was in over his head, and that he didn't love me enough to continue being with me, especially if there would be more days like that.
I just feel so terrible. He really was the whole package to me. I'd never been treated so well, it was really wonderful most of the time, but my mental illness got in the way a lot and made me turn on him and feel low self-esteem and paranoia and sensitivity. I was often worried he'd abandon me for something better because I always felt he was too good for me, at least in the looks department. This could sometimes make me lash out. I'd always apologize quickly, but I see how it could be draining.
I'm really crushed. I feel like I'll never find something that great again, and it hurts to know he'll move on soon enough even though I'm already trying to. I keep blaming myself and feeling like if I wasn't just so crazy he would still love me and none of this would have happened.
@americanguineapig It can be very tough to feel separated from love by something inside that we wish we could control. Wanting the love to be healed, yet that healing seems to be more distant with the wounds that some of us carry. Who can love us when our greatest need of being loved, also may push away that same love?
I can relate to this at so many levels. I was cheated on for a year because my partner wasn't happy with me because of my mental health issues.
Some days I feel so broken. I don't think I'll ever trust humans. I blame myself everyday because of which my mental health is getting worse. I always thought he was perfect for me and he used to feel the same...but he cheated on me with a mutual friend. I lost two people and my hopes at once because I was truly fighting this time.
I send you hugs and healing. It hurts when people leave but your mental health doesn't define you. You deserve a love that you're not scared of losing đ©·
@Stormandshelter
So sorry to hear your partner and friend betrayed you like that. Sending love and healing for you as well! Thank you for the kind words <3
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@americanguineapig sending you a whole lot of love <3; hope you're feeling better
@americanguineapig
Hi Gunieapig,
After reading your statement, I have come to the following conclusions:
1. You and your ex are emotionally close, and he is almost like an antidote to your mental illness.
2. I am sensing that, since you feel like he is so right for you, losing him could potentially means that you will never be able to find someone that can cope with your illness again, or in other words, a small part of you feel like the illness is causing you to not being able to maintain any intimate and meaningful relationships.
3. And since you do not see the illness going away anytime soon, you feel hopeless, dreadful.
4. You feel like you are responsible for this break up, also the sadness, anger, even relief that he finally notice 'who you really are' and left you. The mixed feelings has been chaos, so you feel disoriented.
I hope I am not being intrusive. To discuss in detail, or just have someone to listen to you in a non-judgmental and caring way, feel free to give me a chat.
