A Murder of dignity
Okay, this is the first time I've ever posted on a public forum. I'm not going into gory details. I was first raped at the age of 17 by an immediate family member. It's my biological father. He always stayed away from us (geographically) because he used to work abroad and we'd see him once or twice a year. It was a good father-daughter relationship (I'd say). But then, around July 2014, my mother fell critically ill. Dad kept his job on hold to come take care of her. By September 2014 my mother became incapable of functioning on her own (still cannot). She cannot eat, bathe, walk on her own. She has amnesia to date and cannot remember who we are. So it was trying time for us but as a loving family, we co-operated and somehow managed. By end of Oct 2014, my sister got a job in another city and left. So it was just mum, dad and me. One day in mid November 2014, he just pulled me to a room when we were alone and hurt me. I was devastated because he was a man I held with high respect. I was an excellent student and literally overnight began failing most subjects. And it happened over and over and over again. I wouldn't be able to talk to people, even a general conversation. To date my situation remains the same with varying frequencies. I was given tranquilizers when I mentioned it to a psychiatarist. It absolutely did not help. I cannot get myself to eat more than one proper meal a day and just cannot sleep because of flash-backs. It's just horrible. I feel dirty and violated. And the worst part...I come from a country that wouldn't give justice to a victim who died due to rape. What justice will I get. I once approached authorities and they'd ask if I 'provoked' it. I came here because I needed comfort and the worst of it...I found a listener who actually asked me if I was 'faking' it, only because I wasn't able to answer her in too much detail without taking time.
I'd appretiate it if people would be sensitive to how hard it is to talk about this stuff. Since then, I can't be within a 1m radius of a guy without panicing. I think People like me are better off without being condemned although it might be our fault. I don't know. Thanks for patiently having read.
Hi Amel,
How r u feeling today? I really hope that the pain is less by now...
I wanted to check on you and let you know that U r in my thoughts.
If I'm asking too much just let me know :) otherwise I want to let u know that i care to hear ur daily struggles , feelings & thoughts.
<3 <3 <3
@politeCup86
Thank you so much for your love and concern. I joined this site 20 days ago almost by accident. I was going to make a bad decision and Googled help. I randomly clicked the link and wanted to see what happens when I 'connect to a listener' and wow here I am. Being loved and cared for...after years. I'm doing a little better with opioids. Well, tomorrow...it's scary to think about it. Sends shivers down my spine but it can't be worse that what happens every other day of my dammed life. So, hoping for the best. Thanks again. I hope you're okay, too. Lots of love,
Amel
Oh I'm so thankful for Google to bring u here. It's amazing really! I'm so glad that the bad decision has gone and replaced with ppl who truly cares about u.
What will happen tomorrow if i may ask? Are you going to see a doctor? If yes who will take u there?
I'm doing okay. Some days are better than others. Small things happens all the time that triggers things in my mind. Like my mom tickled my feet today and honestly it is very small things but the massive amount of memories that comes along with that move is unbearable.
<3 <3 <3
I hope u will get well soon! And i really hope that they will give u effective things for the pain.
Please write to us when u r back and able to check the Internet....
I really really really really hope u will be okay before u know it.
Lots and lots of love to u Amel and may all the kind ppl run into ur path whenever you go <3
Oh don't thank me :) I feel honoured when i talk to such a kind soul like urs. It adds a lot to my life. It makes my day honestly. Ur strength is amazing and inspiring. Just know u r not alone. Even when u r scared and it's all dark just close ur eyes and remember the love u have from 7 cups. It's how i survived in a lot of hard situations ;)
U take the best care of ur self <3
Thinking of you. Wishing you are in a better situation now. Sending you good vibes and a lot of virtual flying hugs <3
How r u feeling now? How was the past few days on u?
I'm doing alright, really i prayed for ur pain to go away. And for joy to come in :)
I'm okay. Past few days...I've seen better but I've also seen worse. Thanks for your concern. I prey for you too. The pain going away, maybe. Joy coming in, I don't think anytime soon.
I'm sorry for what I've experienced in the past few days. Please keep in mind that I'm always here to hear u out :) we can always hope for the joy to come in.
I can sence extreme sadness between ur lines, I'm really sorry for that. One day things will be better. If not much better at least lighter. Nothing remain the same.
I'm sorry if i talk a lot Amel , I am just glad to see msg from u :)