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amel47enna
26,016 M Aiming High 6
PathStep 21 Compassion hearts125 Forum posts31 Forum upvotes37 Current upvotes37 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2016 Member sinceNovember 17, 2015
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A Murder of dignity
Trauma Support / by amel47enna
Last post
 December 11th, 2015
...See more Okay, this is the first time I've ever posted on a public forum. I'm not going into gory details. I was first raped at the age of 17 by an immediate family member. It's my biological father. He always stayed away from us (geographically) because he used to work abroad and we'd see him once or twice a year. It was a good father-daughter relationship (I'd say). But then, around July 2014, my mother fell critically ill. Dad kept his job on hold to come take care of her. By September 2014 my mother became incapable of functioning on her own (still cannot). She cannot eat, bathe, walk on her own. She has amnesia to date and cannot remember who we are. So it was trying time for us but as a loving family, we co-operated and somehow managed. By end of Oct 2014, my sister got a job in another city and left. So it was just mum, dad and me. One day in mid November 2014, he just pulled me to a room when we were alone and hurt me. I was devastated because he was a man I held with high respect. I was an excellent student and literally overnight began failing most subjects. And it happened over and over and over again. I wouldn't be able to talk to people, even a general conversation. To date my situation remains the same with varying frequencies. I was given tranquilizers when I mentioned it to a psychiatarist. It absolutely did not help. I cannot get myself to eat more than one proper meal a day and just cannot sleep because of flash-backs. It's just horrible. I feel dirty and violated. And the worst part...I come from a country that wouldn't give justice to a victim who died due to rape. What justice will I get. I once approached authorities and they'd ask if I 'provoked' it. I came here because I needed comfort and the worst of it...I found a listener who actually asked me if I was 'faking' it, only because I wasn't able to answer her in too much detail without taking time. I'd appretiate it if people would be sensitive to how hard it is to talk about this stuff. Since then, I can't be within a 1m radius of a guy without panicing. I think People like me are better off without being condemned although it might be our fault. I don't know. Thanks for patiently having read.
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Looked for help online.
Newbie Hub / by amel47enna
Last post
 December 9th, 2015
...See more I was extremely upset over a few things and really needed to talk to someone. That's what I searched for and I'm surprised that I found exactly that. It's an unintended bond that exists when I talk to anyone here. It's like a whole world of people ready to help. More like a new family, at the ready.
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