Traumatic loneliness?
I have another question. I’m a little desperate to know if there is anyone else out there like me, or if it’s just me. Has anybody spent their younger years completely alone? What I mean is, yes I had parents, but they made it understood in words that they did not love me. It was an abusive home in more ways than one. There were no other relatives to go live with or take custody of me. There were no family friends, adult role models, anyone looking out for me. No one knew what was going on. I wasn’t allowed to have friends. When I got old enough to leave legally, I tried to have friends, but I wasn’t very good at it, so at some point I stopped trying to make any. I spent a very long time alone.
I have tried to share my story, but no one understands really. They have sympathy sometimes, and I’m not complaining about that part. I have support now. They can’t always understand my feelings or why I am the way I am though. I’ve never met anyone before who had quite this kind of history. I have even met people who have been through horrendous things worse than me, but for example they had family to help them through it so they moved past it easier. And so when I get depressed, this gets used as ammunition against myself. I don’t want to feel different anymore.
As a disclaimer, I should add that I am finally not alone anymore. It’s taking me some time to comprehend that it really is over and things won’t be like that anymore. It left its mark on me. I wondered if maybe knowing I’m not the only one might help me move on from it some. If you have been through this and have advice, that’s welcome, but I just want to know it’s not just me.
@EmbracingChaos I did. There were other relatives but they were just as abusive. My grandparents wanted me to live with them but nothing came of it until I ran away at 15. I wasn't allowed any friends either. For a couple of years all I knew was those grandparents. They home schooled and while they weren't abusive - they kept me isolated. They passed away and there was noone else. I talk to people here and consider them friends but it's all only online. Mostly I'm still pretty isolated but I do have a therapist now - they've been alot of help
But yeah - I use it as ammunition against myself too. Opportunities come up to further relationships but I shy away from those for a bunch of reasons I guess. Alot of fear mostly
I'm glad you're no longer and that you have support now :) that is awesome!
Hope this is some help
@mytwistedsoul thank you for being willing to share about yourself. It helps to know someone else has had this happen to them. I don’t want that for anyone, but I also don’t want to feel like the only one. It’s good you’ve made some friends. It takes different people. I’m still not good with people for the most part.
@EmbracingChaos You're welcome. I'm sorry you grew up this way too. I keep hoping I'll get better with people but some days even here it can be a struggle. Like you said - it takes different people
I hope things get better for you ❤️
I had horrible parents. It was a very toxic and abusive environment I grew up in and i rebelled against it and got very badly treated for it. They threw me out on the streets when I was just 15 years old. I managed to turn having no one and nowhere to go into the biggest blessing of my life. After they threw me out I had the freedom to make some friends, I got a boyfriend - his family took me in and treated me like one of their own. The childhood abuse I suffered still haunts me - but some people are not meant to be in your life and getting away from them can open the door to finding people who are meant to be in your life. I see psychiatrist and psychologist to learn practical social skills like how to make friends that my parents never taught me or allowed me to learn on my own as a child/teen. Seek out all options for support and just be open and honest with people - yes you are still learning, yes you have experienced setbacks in life, but you are TRYING 💕 trying and not giving up often seems like the hardest thing of all to do. Keep trying ❤️ to not give up is incredibly brave and you can do it 🥰 I believe in you! xx
@lunalove92 I’m sorry I didn’t see your response before, and I’m sorry you have been through this sort of thing too. It’s cool that you’ve had some wins now along the way. I try to remind myself I have wins now too. Right now there’s still some fear that they’ll leave too. Like I can’t understand why after half my life someone finally sees me different than the others did. It’s like it doesn’t make sense to me yet. I try not to give those thoughts too much attention.
I have noticed that it has been hard for me to connect as well, and even with people I'm close to it feels like there's a barrier. Thinking about it, it was hard when I was younger too, and I had something traumatic happened when I was starting college which made it harder to trust and connect.
@selfdisciplinedJar5393 I understand. There were some things that happened here after I left too. I don’t know if it’s true, but I think what happened after made things worse. Like, I still had a lot of hope after I got out of their house. I thought the world wasn’t so bad. But now I just want to hide from the world. It makes recovery longer, the more re traumatized. That might not be true for everyone though. I hope things get better for you.
@EmbracingChaos sounds like you had gone through a lot and I m sorry to hear that no one try to understand because I believe everyone deserves to feel heard or supported but well done for taking your first step! We 7 cups understands you n here for you know your feelings are valid, you are not alone in this fight, one step at a time!
@EmbracingChaos
Omg this sounds just like me. I'm so sorry you had this experience. I understand the inability to feel connected. I didn't learn how to interact with people normally. I can relate to traumatic aloneness. I have a long list of trauma hence I suffer from CPTSD and I can't shake it. I've been in therapy for 4 years and it's helped me alot. I'm not a complete wreck anymore. I still struggle with a long list of issues though. I likely will suffer for years to come but I have more than just childhood trauma. I think your so brave reaching out here on 7 cups. I have found alot of support here. I hope these posts help you in some way. It's all about trust. If you can find a way to trust you can connect. I am still trying to do this. I wish you the best of everything and close loving connections.
Best always ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 we seem to have a lot in common. It’s not limited to childhood trauma here either. When I left there, I got myself into dangerous adult situations over and over, trusting the wrong people, looking for love in the wrong places, blah blah. Retrauma. New traumas. I’ve also had bad workplace situations, and of course relationships of all kinds. I focused mostly on the childhood stuff in this post because I know that’s the root of my loneliness at least as compared to others I know. But I’m not good with even just basic friendships and acquaintanceships. I can almost feel the threshold I crossed some years back, like a point of no return. I think I’m too far gone for help at this point. I’ve been in therapy decades. I know things I need to do to help myself, and I just can’t seem to get there emotionally. Things help for a few days to get me through. But I can’t stop the resentment. I can’t connect properly with people. I don’t know if I want to. It sounds bad, but I think I can only talk to you and others here because I know you’ll never meet me and there’s no risk of rejection or hurting you. I’m a sad pitiful psychopath.
I’m sorry, I’m replying to your post on a bad day. I’m very angry with myself. I really hope this doesn’t come across wrong toward you in any way. You sound like a very thoughtful sweet person. I really appreciate your reply and encouragement. Thank you.
@EmbracingChaos
I understand, don't feel bad I get it. I've struggled in so many ways and your right it's all about those awful childhood experiences. I've looked for love in so many wrong places it's painful to repeat . ( at one point I was suicidalll).
It's the trauma brain, difficult to really understand and navigate. I don't think it's possible for me to connect with anyone. I have people in my life but the relationships are not deep because I keep it surface as much as I am desperate for soul to soul connection I can't do it. The one thing I'm so desperate for , connection, I can't seem to do no matter how I try. It's the fear of judgement and rejection...it's so scary I can't take the leap.( Here at 7cups I feel safe to express and be authentic). Like you said you won't every be face to face here.
I do find some solace in Don Miguel Ruiz' books. He makes a lot of validation for me in his writing. Idk if it will help you but try some of his books. I bought a few used but I have all of his books. I have to read and reread them because of my traumatic brain I have difficulty remembering everything in them. Currently I'm rereading " The voice of knowledge" which is cathartic for me. His books are not expensive and small enough to take along everywhere which I love. I hate a big heavy hard cover 🤣. Feels like a brick to add to the weight of all my issues. I hope my post helps you .
Your not alone in your suffering.
ABB 💜
