What is wrong with me?
Hi :) My name is Lilyrose, but you can call me Lily. I am 13 years old. Nearly a year ago, my best friend Melanie abandoned me. I was devastated. We were Mel and Lil, the two shy girls. We were inseparable. I don't want to say that I love her because the word "love" is not strong enough. We told each other everything, she meant more to me than anyone in the whole world. Her leaving me was completely sudden and unexpected. I was horrified. Losing her was basically my worst nightmare.
After the abandonment, I was completely changed. I was always tired and pale. I became even shyer, if that was even possible. My hair was always in my face, to hide my eyes that were red from crying. After I left the school at the end of the year, it felt as if my heart had been left behind with it. Every night I would cry myself to sleep, have a terrible dream, and then wake up sobbing and pleading for Mel to come back to me. I had the same dream every night for two months. Everything scares me; sudden movements, loud sounds, and being touched. I still cry myself to sleep every night and it has been nearly a year. I have constant memories and flashbacks of the incident. I even have flashbacks from my childhood, before I even met Melanie. Everything I see triggers flashbacks and memories of Melanie. I have developed bad trust issues, and I refuse to allow myself to get another best friend, as if this happens again, I won't be able to handle it. I feel as if I cannot trust anyone anymore. Counseling and therapy is not working, as I refuse to talk about it. Whenever I try, I just burst out crying. I feel so distant and alone.
Is it possible that the incident with Melanie was traumatizing for me?
I'm so sorry that this happened to you, Just remember that you have many people who care about you without your knowledge, I know your friend leaving you is very hard and devastating but sometimes you have to turn the page, move on and put on a happy face and try to talk to people so that you can develop your own friendships! Stay strong darling x You seem like a lovely and wonderful person, just keep your hear up!
I don't think that moving on is an option for me. It has been a year since it all happened. The situation has effected me drastically. I have no self confidence or self respect. I allowed myself to be sexually harassed for four months before finally reaching out for help from one of my teachers. My trust issues get in the way of forming new relationships. Moving on is harder than it seems. I have tried, but I just cannot get this girl out of my mind. I am sick of all the flashbacks and the memories. I am sick of crying myself to sleep and having nightmares. I am sick of being reminded of her. The only person I trust is distancing herself from me and I don
If you still know where she is, go up to her and try to make friends again. If not, don't be shy to go to someone else and make a new friend, if you don't try your just wasting your life. I say you either go talk to Melanie or make a new friend
it isn't like that.Ido have friends, several actually.
Try hanging out with them more than, your gonna have to move on eventually sweetie :(
Honey, my heart aches for you. Melanie obviously filled a void and now she is gone. At your age I know it's hard to believe, but people change so drastically. You grow up physically and emotionally quickly and everyone has to go their own path. Sometimes leaving behind very important people. Melanie felt the need to move away from you for her own growth reasons and it hurts when you didn't progress in the same direction. The same happened to my granddaughter. But, she moved on and developed strong friendships with others. Don't let Melanie get you to not trust again, there are ones out there that will live up to be trusted. Just think of it this way.....if you get a bad meal at a restaurant you don't go back there, but you don't stop eating out! Talk to someone, open up to a professional...therapist, school counselor, parent and don't hold back. You are VERY normal and need to get this out....and know you will find it truly healing. You can't make someone love you....but you can only control how you love yourself. Love yourself and cherish your memories but be open to making more with other loving people! Live today, not in the past.....the future is so bright if you just take off the sunglasses!!! (((((Hugs)))))
That just made my comment seem like total garbage
HelloLittleLily,
If I try to summarize what you are deeply suffering from in only 2words, I would say that you have abandonment issues, does it sound right to you? Abandonment feeling is definitely one of the worst feelings one can getin her/his life. Could it be that your friend leaving you triggered an abandonment feeling that you already lived in the past, does that idea ring a bell?
You said that therapy is not working because you just crash down in tears before you caneventalk about your friend, but could you start your therapy by talking about surrounding topics for example, then step by step get closer to the main topic like in a spiral? Do you think that might be worth a try?
You obviously are a person who is trying her best to move on towards a healing path, and I am sure that you can do it. To me, coming here and talk about what you could not yet talk about through voice is already a huge, I mean HUGE step forward!
I wish you the so very best, please take gentle and great care of you,
Gilles
Thank you so much for your lovely comment <3
Yes, I do believe thatI may have abandonment issues. I have done some research on this and I think that I may have it. Is there any way to be sure?
I have tried that idea, in the therapy. Every time I think about it I start tearing up. I also think that it my inability to trust gets in the way, as I do not particulary trust my therapist.
If you feel like you don't/can't trust your therapist, you need to try somebody else. The first person isn't always a good or helpful connection...
I'm an adult with abandonment issues, so I totally feel for you. Have just started therapy in earnest after having a falling out with an important person in my life and am similarly distressed.
HelloLittleLily,
I get that you have trust issues, I am wondering if itmay be completely tied to your abandonment issue.
For example, imagine a person who has been rejected or left alone almost each time she started to trust and share deep feelings and thoughts. After a while couldn't it seem logical that trusting would become a synonym of being left alone and abandoned?
Therefore, that person wouldjustbe terrified at the simple idea of trusting anyone, which would reinforce her feeling of loneliness and abandonment. But that person would feel like bywillinglynot trust andstay alone would at least make her avoid to feelthe tremendous pain of being rejected and abandoned by beloved ones.
Does all that make sense to you?
I also agree with YellowBlackberry, sometimes you have to try several therapists before you find the one that fits you, the one whom you will feel comfortable enough with so that you can start to safely pull down your defenses.
I wish you the so very best,LittleLily, please take gentle care of yourself,
Gilles
