What is wrong with me?
Hi :) My name is Lilyrose, but you can call me Lily. I am 13 years old. Nearly a year ago, my best friend Melanie abandoned me. I was devastated. We were Mel and Lil, the two shy girls. We were inseparable. I don't want to say that I love her because the word "love" is not strong enough. We told each other everything, she meant more to me than anyone in the whole world. Her leaving me was completely sudden and unexpected. I was horrified. Losing her was basically my worst nightmare.
After the abandonment, I was completely changed. I was always tired and pale. I became even shyer, if that was even possible. My hair was always in my face, to hide my eyes that were red from crying. After I left the school at the end of the year, it felt as if my heart had been left behind with it. Every night I would cry myself to sleep, have a terrible dream, and then wake up sobbing and pleading for Mel to come back to me. I had the same dream every night for two months. Everything scares me; sudden movements, loud sounds, and being touched. I still cry myself to sleep every night and it has been nearly a year. I have constant memories and flashbacks of the incident. I even have flashbacks from my childhood, before I even met Melanie. Everything I see triggers flashbacks and memories of Melanie. I have developed bad trust issues, and I refuse to allow myself to get another best friend, as if this happens again, I won't be able to handle it. I feel as if I cannot trust anyone anymore. Counseling and therapy is not working, as I refuse to talk about it. Whenever I try, I just burst out crying. I feel so distant and alone.
Is it possible that the incident with Melanie was traumatizing for me?