Thoughts
I'm not sure how this is going to go but I should probably give it a try. Don't use my voice very often but I'm choking inside so have to get some of this crap out......
I have survived the first day at my new workplace
why did I have to be the one to move?
scared
what if I am totally useless and mess this place up too?
am I really rubbish at my job? Surely I would have an inclination if I was?
does 19 years service count for nothing? Am I being punished?
lost and alone
I have no one I can turn to
Hard to trust when all you know is hurt and rejection
So much going on inside but it's all jumbled and knotted together
scared I will end up back in the dark place, can't fight it again....
Drowning in the darkness.....
@crimsonLime6525
Hey there, what's up, want to talk about it? I am so sorry. If you are feeling shipwrecked, there are pieces of the debris, grab a piece and hold on. It will keep you from sinking. Know that we are here for you and we care about you. I don't have a family so 7cups is the family of choice and you are a part of this family. My heart goes out to you. For I two have sailed on that shipwrecked boat but I made it to safety and so will you. I am counting on you! I know you can do this.
hugs
ðŸ˜
@crimsonLime6525
I am here to, sitting with you and a box of tissues to wipe your tears away.
Lost
@crimsonLime6525
Lime do you care to talk about what is happening right now that makes you feel lost?
@crimsonLime6525
Lime, just checking in on you. How are you doing today?
@scarletPear1945 I don't know how to explain my feelings
@crimsonLime6525
I understand that can be extremely hard. Especially if you are emotionally numb. Can you go to this website and download the Feelings Chart?
https://positivepsychology.com/emotion-wheel/
This chart will help you identify your feelings
It's almost the anniversary of that night
how do I stop the thoughts
nightmares
scared
overwhelmed
@crimsonLime6525 Hey Lime - I'd like to sit here with you of that's allright
@mytwistedsoul thank you
@crimsonLime6525 You're welcome - is there anything you'd like to talk about? Something that would maybe help you distract from your thoughts?
Sorry for saying anything
@crimsonLime6525 You've nothing to be sorry for Lime - this is your space to talk about what ever you want.
Hey crimsonlime. I've red through all and I've clinged through the whole discussion, message by message, hoping for your next words to suggest a little more hope, jus a little bit of light, and I'm so sorry this has not been the case yet. When I've red of the possibility of being moved again I literally felt something drop in my chest. You didn't need this to deal with right now, I'm sorry. It's not fair, and I'm sure you did nothing wrong to deserve this, because sadly the world goes his way and the course of events does not have a moral or any regret, it doesn't care for people. And that's why people should care for each others, because when life hits someone, others should be there to smooth the hardship and make it livable. But sometimes the course of events makes so that the people around you don't have what it takes to be a proper support (sometimes it's them who hurt you the most), and you find yourself taking all the hits of life directly on your face. For no reason at all. Things out of your control just lined up that way. And you pay the consequences for things that had nothing to do with you. Fair? Nope. And you have just one human brain to deal with it. It does what it can, but sometimes it's all too much. And you're not expected to be stronger than the fathomless thing that the course of event is and of the strain it can cause when certain situations are created. It might very well be stronger than you and more than anyone could deal with confidently. I say confidently because you ARE dealing with it, you're still alive, it's so hard that's almost impossible to explain, but you've done it until now, you ARE winning for now. It's a lot already, what else do you you expect from yourself? You're not wrong, there's nothing wrong with you in how you feel. It's just sad that you're suffer so much, and that's the only reason why we're all here hoping for you to get better, because we all think you don't deserve this pain. Not because we want you to be a better person than you are. I think you are enough already, but please, please stop doing this to yourself, it hurts my heart to know you're in that pain and I know your heart hurts even more. I actually think I know the place you're in. I recognized almost every word, every feeling you described, they spoke pretty clearly to me, because I would have thought and maybe written the same things a couple of years ago. And I know all this speach will likely have little effect on your situation, because you won't allow yourself to think you're strong or deserving of love and good things. It probably feels like a crime just thinking a little positive thing about yourself. And I think you've got so much strength in you that you can't even imagine, but you don't allow yourself to use it. Because you feel the only way you should use it is to endure this pain as long as you can, because you deserve it. And you don't even remember how it's like living without. And I know you won't come out of this just because I told you. That self hate part of you that wants to keep you closed in the hell it created for you, and be free to abuse you and destroy you day after day, won't relent so easily. Why does that part is so angry at you? What is it and where does it come from? What's its purpose? When did it all start? Why does it need to turn on you like that? I found my way out of the place you're in answering those questions, but they may or may not help you. I hope you'll find your way to feel better, because you deserve it. You do. Oh, and your words matter. I really wish you the best
Sitting here with you all, I am so sorry @Crimson