I DID it
Hi, Canvas here... well it's a bit more complicated than that actually. I am multiple so I have 12 parts/people that share my life/body/brain with me. It can get pretty chaotic at times, as you can imagine 12 people with different views, needs and tastes. I suppose I should introduce myselves.... Alex is 4 she mostly hides and is quiet but she does come out for the occasional game. Rosie is 5 and is now mostly integrated with Sarah who is 8, they are cheeky and hilarious, they love to play and are inherently kind and forgiving. Ellie is 10 she seems to be pretty angry about everything and I don't see her too much, Jess is 12, very girlie, loves pink and helps me out around the house, Ruth is 14 she is scared and stays inside but we are trying to help her talk more, Marcy is 15 and is starting integration with Charlie who is 19, Marcy is reserved, she loves adventure time and gothic things she is a deep thinker, Charlie loves the gothic grungy stuff too but she's pretty laid back and nothing bothers her so she tends to do the ‘adulting stuff for us. Mystery is 20 and integrated with me (Canvas - old lol) she was a feisty protector who gave people what for when it was needed, now she trusts me to protect us so we are together now, Frankie is 28 she is the cool cucumber to the outside world but she actually worries a lot about stuff. Then there is Vicky, I don't know her age but I think she was my first part she was the one who helped us get through the rituals and helps us fight the programs. If you want to read more about that then you can here: https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaticExperiencesCommunity_60/DissociationDID_919/Shareyourstory_50343/
I'd like to be pretty honest about life here and you are welcome to read along with me, I just hope that you don't find it too triggering a long the way 
2nd video I made was on creating daily/weekly structure: https://youtu.be/SZAOtVzgUEA
This is very wonderful sharing your experiences. Hopefully someone who may need help dealing with this sees it at the right time :) @LifeIsMyCanvas
Today's video is on my Inner World: https://youtu.be/Us5yO_5jOvI
Hi Canvas!
I was looking for something within the forum (we sure could use a better search method, admin peoples!) and I came across this thread of yours. I've skimmed/read down to the bottom of page one here. I shall tell you though - at about 1/2 way coming to this page, I realized you capitalized DID on purpose. Which actually made me kind of sad (I'll say in a moment) but looking at it a bit, it looks to be very helpful for you. Is it? Do you find writing here is helpful for you, and the parts of you?
The main reason I navigated here is the title "I did it!" My long time counselor, we met for over 10 years, it will be her birthday next week - so naturally I'm thinking of her more. But the point ... I used to have homework from her that was to name and write down my "I did it!"s for the week. This is sort of like, "What did I do for self care?" kind of. Or what did I finish that I didn't want to. Or ... anything really that I did or accomplished that day or that week or whenever - but recently.
For an example: I did it! at the end of April I called and set an appointment with another counselor to discuss changing from my current counselor and to ask him for referrals. So next week, I'll be able to say "I did it! I went to the appointment with J.C." and then later, "I did it! I called the person /office that JC gave me as a referral." I'm hoping on/after Tuesday I'll be able to say and write those things. Anyway, this is your journal so I'll be shhhhh now. It is good to stumble across your name here at least, if I can't say hi like in the discussion or group chat. Have a great weekend, Canvas! :) Platy
@LifeIsMyCanvas
@cyanPlatypus6370
Hey platy, thanks for sharing that with me. I really like that idea. I call it my to done list, I started writing it when I felt frustrated by all the others coming out and interupting my day and to do list lol. Also it was a great way to work out what they had all been doing while I was 'gone'.
Writing does help, but i prefer it in a personal journal. I share here because sometimes my parts want to be heard by others as they were not heard back then. My main motivation for this thread is that someone else might see that 1. there is hope for recovery 2. maybe they can relate and feel like they are normal in the context of what they have been through and 3. Maybe something might help someone else and we can all heal together.
Good luck with the I did it's, you will do great
@LifeIsMyCanvas
He life, can I ask some questions about the innerworld?
@MaschaV -
Hey Mascha, I am not Canvas (of course) but my guess is she would welcome questions; or at least for sure be willing to read your questions. Canvas is a pretty cool person so ya know. If you'd rather wait for her to respond I totally get that - but I would say go ahead and ask :) (Right, @LifeIsMyCanvas ?? <3 ) Platy
@MaschaV
Ask away my lovely
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I have a picture of what my innerworld looks like. It is very depressing. It is like a cave with 3, maybe 4, hallways. There is a small open space in the middle. It has a stone table and I am standing there. On the top to the right is a hallway that has light. I can see through the hall and I see different cels with bars that keep them closed. On the top left is another hall. This one is dark so I cannot see what is there. I have a feeling that when help comes it would be from that hall but I don't know why. On the left is a huge hallway. It has a very big fence so I can't go through there. In front of it stands a guard. It is the Queen of Ice. I don't know why. She does not speak, she just stands there guarding.
I was watching your video and I had the impression that you created this space for them. Is this something I could do too? Build a comfortable safe place. Because we live in a cave without any comfort. I am worried that not everybody wants to or can come to the new place. I don't know what en who are hidden in the two left halls. And with the gaurd there I am worried too. She is not there to have fun with us.
Or should I maybe add comfort to the cave first?
I hope this makes sense. I really like what you did with your innerworld <3
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Have you had time to read my question?
I hope you are okay!
@MaschaV
i tagged u on my feed with a video on inner world and my zones
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I can't find it, sorry. Do you have a link so I can have a look?
@MaschaV
oh maybe i did it wrong or something, been having insternet issues.Here ya go!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfwSHbJxWns
I just realised that I forgot to post my last video upload in here opps: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5SviDWWKPw&frags=pl%2Cwn
Mute & Non Verbal parts
So I got a little one called Alfie, he doesn't talk at all. Only sounds I hear are screams and I only know what is going on with him when he is overwhelming me with emotions. It's more difficult to do the unblending process when they cant communicate with you but I'm hoping one of the other littles can help with communicating... we shall see. Just makes me very tired when he is about as all the emotions and memeories are heavy going.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I have one (that I know of) of those too. I find it hard to work with because I don't understand what she wants. She quiets down a bit when I read to her or play along but if I am not careful she will take control and leave me behind. So I am a bit scared of her.
@nolongerafraid
i'm looking into playing music and things like that. so i can sooth them without the grab to take over...not sure if it working yet. let me know if u find anything elsethat works and i will let you know. maybe we can find stuff together <3
@LifeIsMyCanvas Singing seems to work if I start on time. Before she acts up because I really don't feel like singing when she does.
Something needs to work. I'll keep you posted too, sounds like a great idea.
Bury me underground so deep,
So my soul can't hear a peep,
Let me slip into peace,
Broken here, needing sleep.
Carved on my heart such suffering,
Each strike that corruption brings,
A silence to the soul within,
Lost in confusion, so puzzling.
All I tried to do was heal,
And in so show others, how I feel,
Shot down in flames my words with arrows,
Hitting hard on your cold steel.
Not allowed to make it safe,
The system it rubs, it chafes,
I can't ignore the warning signs,
This place simply is unsafe.
@LifeIsMyCanvas Oh Canvas, this is painful! I am so sorry Canvas.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Oh buddy, those words resonate so much. Please stay safe. You will come out the other side.
Sitting with you in solidarity ❤️
@LifeIsMyCanvas Beautiful and poignant :(
Tribute to my sister Raven. I miss you and I will never forget your compassion and love for all. Especially my system of little ones whom you embraced with utter kindness and respect. Love ya forever sis
She stabbed you in the heart my friend,
Her actions I shall not defend,
She left you on the battlefield,
And let her truth be revealed.
She defended the lust of the wicked ones,
My anger like a thousand suns,
To deny your wrongs so brutally,
Leaving you alone at sea.
My dear friend what she failed to know,
Is the bond of friendship I saw grow,
I will never deny the wound you bared,
Because in the scars your beautys shared.
@LifeIsMyCanvas .. :) i hope somehow this message reaches your dear friend, so she feels conforted by your kind words and the sister love you shared <3 <3 Stay Strong for that i know you are <3
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Beautiful Canvas
@LifeIsMyCanvas
that's a really beautiful poem made a single tear run down here....
@courteousNorth5140
Aww thanks hun, thought Raven deserved a tribute after all the work she did for us in the Trauma Family
@LifeIsMyCanvas
yes, she deserves much more than anybody of us could ever give back... just sad when good things have to end that way... but I'm sure she won't be forgotten
@LifeIsMyCanvas Raven would have loved to read it i hope she had chance too also was very beautiful Canvas
@LifeIsMyCanvas nice i like it if i can find this in either black or blue ill put it on my profile down at very bottom 
Wow Canvas that was very touching, I am very moved.
Thank you everyone for your kind an supportive words
Much Love to Alle 
@Raveninthelabrynth
Good to see you my dear ❤️
Self Care day
I'm feeling pretty exhausted all round so today is a self care day!
I had a lay in which helped a bit with my tiredness.
I'm planning to make myself some vegan treats later if my shoulder is ok.
I'm walking around my house enjoying all the lovely clean spaces and letting it soak in that I finally got on top of everything!
I'm going to have some fun time in my craft room, I might also do some of my art course.
Then there will be lots of play time for the little ones, legos and colouring are todays votes and they want to make chocolate cornflake treats with me later 
I'm also going to spend some time journalling. I've got a lot of emotions going on that I need to sit with and find some sense of peace in. I know in my heart my intentions are good for wanting to be here and help rebuild a safe space but it's been very hard to hold on to that with everything that is happening. I want to make sure i'm not swept up in anything unhealthy and some reflection time will help to keep me away from second guessing myself and to learn and grow. I also need to check on my inner family and make sure they aren't triggered or needing to process things happening here too.
@LifeIsMyCanvas if you ever want someone to talk to just message i get on here every day i have some experience talking to people who have DID
self care is important i am happy your finding time forthe things you love <3 @LifeIsMyCanvas
@Helping2findAway
I've missed u sis ... I made a card last night, i'll pm u a piccy later! Am off to my mum in laws to seal her decking. I repainted it for her and I want to make sure it's protected before it rains 
@LifeIsMyCanvas.. i cant wait to see... and have fun at the mum in law :)
Body Memories
Ya today the body hurts a lot, took meds to be able to walk this morning...thinking I might need to move them closer to my bed but then I'd still need to get up for a drink, idk.
Did something v brave for me and called the helpline to get some financial help today. Hate phone calls, so triggering and everything in me was screaming hang up but I did it. Felt horrible after but I done it now so first box checked. Took me all day to recover and still not 100%, about 60/40? Gonna go now before I think about it too long and bubble back into derealisation... although not feeling my body would be nice right now lol.
@LifeIsMyCanvas.. that's a wonderful accomplishment Canvas overcoming that, i am sorry to hear your in pain..
Do get better soon Sis <3