Diary *Possible TW*
I thought about starting a diary place to share and reflect on my feelings. I am trying to navigate through schizophrenia and ptsd and trying to not let it define me. I hope writing about it is productive for me. Any replies are welcome!!
I tried going for a walk today outside but I don't know what happened. It made me feel dizzy and everyone was very loud. It was so loud that even the voice started being really loud because it was a competition of who can be the most loud. And it made me feel dizzy. But I didn't listen to anything. I just start counting almost to 72839. But I also feel something in my heart because I try to do something but it's hard. I think I didn't. I end sleeping alot but I think that's bad. I don't know what to do. Only when I sleeps I don't hear voices and I'm not confused. But when I wake I just forget and what to do. I had an orange for lunch and felt really ill and confused. Maybe because I ate all the orange peel. I forgot you don't eat orange peel and my dad said I wasn't supposed to eat the orange peel. But it happened and I feel really bad about it now. I forgot it was an orange. I think I here
@hillsideblues Hey you :) It feels like forever since I talked with you last. I miss seeing you around. I'm sorry I left so much time pass without stopping in to say Hey. I saw you had an orange and went outside. That's so great Hill! It sounds like it was overwhelming though. Maybe you can try again? Alittle at a time. They use orange and lemon peels in desserts sometimes. Zest I think they call it. I can see how easy it would be to eat the peel. I'm sorry you didn't feel good afterwards
I'm glad you're doing good things for yourself Hill ❤️
*sending a million and one hugs* ❤️
@hillsideblues Hey you ❤️ You've been in my thoughts quite a bit the past few days. I hope you're ok. A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Hill ❤️
@mytwistedsoul happy new year and merry Christmas to you too. ❤️ sorry I've also been away. I had to go to the hospital I accidentally hurt myself. But I came back to my dad's home on Wednesday without any insects. but I didn't realize it was home because something was so different. It felt like the hospital and I thought someone had send me to the wrong place and got very confused. I thought I had no where to go except for maybe in the wall patterns and another reality. How are you. I hope you're ok
@hillsideblues Aww that's ok Hill ❤️ I'm Sorry to hear that you hurt yourself though. Are you ok now? That must have been scary coming home and it not feeling like home. We're things moved around? Like furniture and stuff? Maybe that added to the feeling? Does it feel like home now?
I've missed talking with you. I hope you're staying safe and taking care of yourself
*sending hugs and lots of love to you* ❤️
@hillsideblues Thinking of you ❤️ sending hugs ❤️❤️
@hillsideblues Hey you ❤️ I just wanted to drop off some hugs. I've been alittle concerned about you and I'm hoping you're ok. Take good care of you ok Hill? ❤️
@mytwistedsoul hi. I'm jane. I think I'm one of the alters and I think we've other alters. We got hospitalized for 2 months in the psych ward. I don't think I've been around much. I'm not sure if the alter who wrote the posts can read it. But I think we are doing ok
@hillsideblues Hey Jane :) it's very nice to meet you. I'm sorry to hear about the hospital stay. It's definitely good to hear that you're all doing ok. Have you tried to talk with any of the others? Maybe you could leave them a note to get some names?
@mytwistedsoul I've never tried talking or leaving notes. Jane is gone, I think so
Hugs for you if that's ok ❤
@hillsideblues Hey you ❤️ It was really nice to see a notification from you. Are you doing ok? We leave notes here for each other to share information and get to know each other better. It's been helpful
@mytwistedsoul I'm doing ok. I feel better then before the hospitals because they were really confusing
@hillsideblues I'm glad you're doing ok. Hospitals can be really confusing. Especially since it's unfamiliar territory 😕
*sending hugs* ❤️
I saw an ant today and I'm also thinking of maybe starting college again. I had to drop out of college to live in the hospital home facility. I never finished college. But college is really hard and I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it or not. What can I do. I don't think so
@hillsideblues Hey you ❤️ Maybe you could start small and just take a class or two? Or maybe you could do some classes online? It might be less stressful that way and you would have more flexibility with your schedule
@mytwistedsoul I saw the future and there were so many ants. But I used a mirror to see because it doesn't show up in mirrors some outlines of bugs and ants. And I tried contacting the shadow people but I didn't see ants
@hillsideblues Hey you 😊 Is there a reason you're trying to contact the shadow people? Does it bother you to see the all the ants and other bugs?
@mytwistedsoul I try to contact because I met them in the past future and present. And they also met me and told me. But there isn't. And the bugs and ants I don't like. They change colors and like static waves on my arms. I get scared. But with a constant buzzing like hmmmhmmmhmmm coming from shadow people and we were talking in the hmmmhmm language in the afternoon but they can also speak other language english but still with hmmmmm
@hillsideblues Hey you ❤️ Sorry it took me so long to reply
@mytwistedsoul I can't because they're from another reality and my doctor has been slowly trying to poison me and it has reached me from the air. I write with hmmmmm. I hope you're ok
@hillsideblues Hey you ❤️ That would definitely make them more scary if they're from another reality. What about the shadow people? Can they make the bugs go away?
Is this a new doctor or the same one you've been seeing? Does your dad go with you for appointments? Would an air purifier help you feel better? It takes dust and stuff out of the air
Sending a million and one hugs to you and lots of love ❤️
@mytwistedsoul Thank you. I really needed the hugs. Hugs for you as well ❤️
My doctor is the same and my dad doesn't come to my appointments. I don't think anything happens in appointments. I sometimes have them. I think I need to try the air purifier because I think it'll help with the bugs. The shadow people don't help with it. I started to get seizure like episodes almost every day now and I think I need clean air
@hillsideblues You're welcome ❤️ And thank you too for your hugs
Trees and flowers
@hillsideblues You've been on my mind a lot lately. I hope things aren't too bad in your world. Miss you Hill 💜
@mytwistedsoul it's really nice to see you. I've not opened this in so long because. I was always going to hospitals and hard to understand sometimes. I'm living again in a hospital facility to help with catatonic schizophrenia. Not sure if it is go help or poison me instead. I get so many episodes almost every day of being in a stupor state and its scary. My doctor said I started waxy flexibility symptoms. But I feel clear for some time before it starts getting really confusing
You're always so nice. I hope you get everything nice and cozy and nice smelling and everything you love and want and feels nice and cozy to you
@hillsideblues It's so nice to see you! I hope your being there helps. I hope that very very much. I hope it's a nice place with good people working there and keeping you safe. These episodes sounds very scary. I wish they could find something that would help. Feeling clear for a while and then having the confusion start must be frustrating too
@mytwistedsoul ❤❤
@hillsideblues Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas ❤️
@mytwistedsoul Thank you. Merry christmas to you also. I forgot it was christmas. It's hard to keep track in the facility. But new year suddenly came and I think it skipped christmas. Happy new year. I hope it's really and very nice for you
@hillsideblues 
@hillsideblues Thank you Hill ❤️ It's hard to believe it's a new year. The old year was just a blur and I'm ready for this year to move into warmer seasons
I made a new friend at the hospital facility. But I'm not sure if she is real. I'll have to ask the nurse when I see her. She is really nice and can also see shadows. But she don't speak so that's why I don't understand if she is real and sometimes it hurts my head alot
@hillsideblues
Hello, glad to see you here. I hope that the friend you met is real, and I am sorry that your head hurts. I hope things get better for you. Take care❤️
