Diary *Possible TW*

I think the other day it wasn't so less as it was more in the shapes. I don't like touching plastic at all. I think it's stretchy and I see reflection. I don't like how plastic makes me feel. It hurts my csection wounds. It's been day and night and it repeated like the same for the same day and night and it was repeating a few times. And inside all the few it was hurtful. And hurtful to sit or bend. The glass window is another thing. It has reflection but I'm pretty sure it doesn't have plastic because it has glass!! It's called a glass window and not a plastic window!! But how is it reflecting. I don't like glass now if it's plastic. I don't like touching it. It's very slippery. It hurts everywhere to sit. I think one thing is the bowl. And the other thing is what happens. Because of round shapes and increasing. I don't know who is saying what. How do I figure out if the voice is coming from a real human person or the voice is coming from something THE PLASTIC. I don't know? I know that it hurts. It's like I don't want to touch it. It feels weird and I'm not sure where are the bugs. I wish I can drown in bugs. If they can get from 127 to 4949. I counted all of them because I'm good. It's the right things to do and I'm scared if I missed any bug but no don't be scared. The bugs aren't plastic!!!!

I try a new technique to not mix up numbers and not to forget when I'm counting bugs because it's very stressful to count them correctly and I can't do with stress anymore. I'll see how it goes with paper and maybe things will change from many to small like the bugs. Which are small but many. I don't like talking. I never know now if what a real person saying to me are there voice real and is the voice really coming from a real person. I don't understand and its becoming more hard to understand what is the real voice from a real person. What to do and who to trust now. Nothing can be trusted because is it coming from real people and people who are real or is it like a thing which mixed up. My dad helped me brush my hair. I had forgotten to brush them since a few weeks I just remembered. But I forgot I was supposed to do that. Something happened to my body I started clapping really hard again when I didn't want to clap. My body automatically did it. All the clapping makes the glass cuts on my hands hurt a bit more. It hurt when he made me do sexual things. I was only a child. And it comes to my mind and then I feel very blank. It's like I'm only myself for a few hours in a day and the rest is just feeling very blank and starring. Why did he do it I was a child. And now I need to count like with numbers which are from the number groups because my hands hurt and also my body. It still hurts to sit up and also sit up or stand up suddenly. It makes me feel dizzy. But only if I count without stress than it'll be better. It's the right thing to do

My baby's clothes and blankets which I bought for my baby

I am making a list

@hillsideblues Hey you :) I was thinking about you earlier today. How are you?

I don't like shouting either or loud voices. I hope you don't hear many mean things. You deserve to hear good things

I don't think you're ungrateful ever Hill. That's just something she says because she knows it hurts you 😞 You're a good - kind - thoughtful person Hill. Try not to let anything she says weigh on you but I know it can be hard not to think of things like that

*Sends hugs* ❤️

If I investigate loud from throats then I can finish it all. I've so many investigations I need to make a list and then I can do all investigations without sleeping

If the chair doesnt feel good looking at it because it is giving out signals which is bad and no one should be going towards it. Which is good because it's at home and no one really comes to home. So everyone is safe. It can be from another dimension. The same dimension in which the shadow people are from. They're from another dimension. It's also something I'm investigating. I'm also investigating loud voices from throats that goes and floats in the room and than they land in my ear. I don't like hearing loud voices and I need to investigate how to stop making them float in the room so much. I'm pretty sure it can interfere with all the colors which are only there because the outlines are holding them in. If something happens because interfere than the outlines move and colors will start coming out and go to another dimension. It shouldn't happen. I felt really hungry all of a sudden. And investigate why. It doesn't feel. I was eating and again the 2 girls without any lips or nose came to stare at me and make me feel bad about eating. I hate it. I hate them so much. Please go away. I don't like you staring at me!!!! I wanted to throw the ball at them because they never leave!!! It fell on my own head accidentally becahse they are so tall and their face on the ceiling always and they don't move. I don't want to see. I don't want to be stared. It'll never stop it'll only stop when my eyes go and loud voices floating in the air. No one has a proper face. Always eyes missing or lips missing or no face. Everything feels hazy in faces when I look and it doesn't make sense because of the chip inside my mind. It's making it all difficult because of the chip which has to leave me

@hillsideblues Hey you ❤️ I'm sitting with you ok? I'm sorry you're hurting so much right now. I wish there was something I could do or say to ease your pain. You're in my thoughts and I'm sending you a million hugs ❤️

❤️ the biggest ever hug to you and I hope you're not feeling any pain anymore ❤️

I think my dad is planning to take some days off from work for holidays of his eoek be goes to job which means he'll be at home. I try to help at home but I think also the lights. I don't go so then I just eat dinner and they still stare. But I will try help more