A passing glimpse
Before you read any further, *triggers will show up in my poetry posts*. I will clearly mark these at the top of each post. My other, general posts, I'll keep them clean. I promise. <3 This post is safe.
I couple years ago, I was involved in a terrible event. It lasted for three months, and at the end of this horrific experience, a family member died. I was right beside him the whole time. It's really hard to talk about. I actually never talk about it. I miss you Bruce. I never really talk about this experience, and I'm ok with that.
Last year, a bear came into my house and mauled my cat. She died - there's so much more to this story and I can't express it. I am so deeply upset by all these violent deaths. I don't understand life. I don't understand why I am here. I don't understand why we are given life at all.
I have tried to keep journals, but I lose them. lol I'm a disorganized person. There's a lot of things that I desperately want to say to someone, but I literally cannot speak about it. Even though I'm dying to tell someone, every time I approach that subject, the words just stop. I get very mad at myself for not being able to speak. I am not a coward - in fact I've done some very difficult and brave things. I don't understand why I have this inability to speak.
I have been successful at writing poetry. I write it all the time. Most times, even these poems dart around the actual issues, but they express things that I feel unsafe speaking outloud. I don't know if I'll ever be able to express certain things, but for now, poems are all I can lean on.
I've had a lot taken away from me, in very sudden and violent ways. To anyone who has suffered violent things, or lost something in a terrible way, I'm so so so sorry that happened to you. I hope you have a place you can feel safe, somewhere.