Is it my fault? TW SA
*TW SA*
When I was 5 I never wear underware and just shorts and tshirts. One day I went to my cousins house to play with his sister but she is not there.... I found him *** and watching p0rn.
I asked him to pkay with and he let me in, inside the house, he let me sat on the same couch as him. He takes out his phone and asked me
"Can I take a picture of your ***?" as a child when a grown up ask me to do something I would do it. He layed me down as my legs faced him he took off my shorts and spread my legs. He then touch me there to spread my opening and took a picture of it. I remembered he played with it a bit.
He then stand up and went to the restroom with his phone.
When he get back he let me go home.
I was too young to comprehend it so when I got older at 9th grade I was heavily disgusted with myself.
I was never the same as before. I was confused i gave him permission? Was it my fault? I don't know what to do.
@SHmau
It was not at all your fault. However, I understand and relate to your feelings of feeling as if it was your fault. When something happens to us in our childhood we are not able to compare it as good/bad or appropriate/inappropriate. As we grow up and start realising what happened to us we start feeling embarassed, shocked etc and blame ourselves for the things happened.
It is very very disheartening to know that these things happen to kids too in our society. We are here to support you ❤️ As a kid you could have never really understood whatever is going on and that's why there's no way you could do anything about it at that time. Sending you lots of strength my friend.
How do you cope up with these feelings? Are you having difficulty in letting go of this thought that you were responsible?
Thank you! :)
I'm slowly moving on from it but the coping mechanism I had 2 years ago was terrible I would detached myself from reality and just sit and feel numb. However, I have someone to talk to about these feelings and help me throughout my healing journey.
I still get thoughts like this when I revert back to episodes of depression (undiagnosed).
@SHmau
I am so proud of you for having support and opening up about your issues. All the best!
@SHmau
Hi! This was not your fault, in no shape or form. I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. You were way too young to understand what was happening. At that age, we trust people, especially those who are family. I am sorry that your cousin betrayed your trust. I hope you find a way to heal and move on past the guilt and disgust towards yourself. We are here for you.
