Journaling your Experience
Hello everyone 🙂
I thought I would introduce/provide a space for individuals, If they'd like, to journal about their experience (or really whatever they'd like to express in regard to their own individual experience with Attachment Difficulty, etc.). Please know that nobody is required to share or journal if they choose not to.
When commenting on the posts of others', please do not express judgment, criticism, or anything that does not show 'support'. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this thread, my friend.
I am currently learning to accept love from others. I'm not as closed-off to it and I'm not scared anymore as I used to be but it can be challenging for me. I am happy to give love but not be fully vulnerable.
@YourDigitalFriend well, finding proper balance for both being open and vulnerable is important. So I pretty much hope your findings will help you along the way. I wish you success on improving.
Thank you for thread. I think I have my piece to share.
Well, my attachment with others is difficult, insecure one of the most of times, what causes me to have attachment avoidance a lot of time in real life. What to say about my feelings, I typically have to hold them for myself only, have them unshared. It turns sometimes into having hard time to converse with people properly and politely. I never feel I am understood enough, so that scares me that I am too lonely.
Ooo, this is a good one. So I'm a very emotionally closed off person, and I have always held people at arms length to avoid getting close to people.
On the flip side, however, growing up, I lacked a father figure, and now I find myself becoming emotionally attached to men who could give me that fatherly love I missed out on growing up.
Sometimes I'll be at the store somewhere, and a man will say "have a good day, sweetheart" and I feel a pang of sadness in my chest, wishing that my father would have said things like that to me.
So I don't like to open up to people a whole lot (but I'm learning to!), but that emotional need that was unmet has makes it easy for me to attach to any male figure that comes into my life.
I'm trying to work past this, because I would like to heal, but there are days where it's difficult and I just really want a dad.
I can relate to the sad feeling, I also didn’t have a father figure growing up and whenever an older male teacher, coach or coworker would say something nice or fatherly to me, I wondered what it would be like to have had that type of care consistently. For a long time, I liked to think that my childhood didn’t affect me, but I recently went through a breakup with my bf who was 7 years older than me and I’m realizing how much I relied on him to take care of me. I’m doing therapy now and I’m working on myself and mental health.
@resourcefulOwl7361 oh girl believe me I know. I also just ended a relationship with a guy 6 years older than me. I relied on him a lot emotionally because he really just seemed to understand me on an emotional level, and I was attracted by how secure he was. He was so stable in a way that I had never understood before. But don't worry, I think when we realize our tendencies, we can learn how to truly heal from the people who have hurt us in the past. We're all a work in progress :)
Same girl! I relied on him so much for my emotional needs and to feel validated and secure. I’m just now starting to learn to rely on myself, I’m 36 lol but better late than never! I agree, being aware of our tendencies will help tremendously in becoming emotionally stronger and realizing that it’s ok to be a work in progress!
@resourcefulOwl7361 I love this! Good for you, and there is no problem being a work in progress. The worst thing we can do is to stop trying. Sending a bunch of love and support your way, you've got this <3
You’re so sweet! Thanks for the kind words and sending you so much love and positive vibes your way as well! 💕
Oh I understand this more than you could possibly know for myself. My own dad was never there much for me when I was growing up and now that I'm in my thirties I find myself hating him for things that I will not mention on this post but I do understand where you're coming from, feeling an attachment to basically Any older male figure. And the most I can offer you Is that you should work on accepting yourself without reaching out to a guy for acceptance. At least for a little bit to help yourself 😉 And Good Luck 🤞 to you
I’m also in my thirties and it’d been a journey coming to the realization that I need to validate myself! Best of luck to you as well! 🙂
@positiveriver9935
Thank You ❤️.
@positiveRiver9935 Ah, you are totally correct. In this time in my life, I'm focusing a lot on self love, which is the best type of love. When I truly love myself, I will no longer feel like my validation and worth come from a man loving me. So I am happily devoting this New Year towards being single :)
You are not alone my friend. I am glad I found this community to better understand myself and see that I am not alone. I am too realizing how much this father figure lack is affecting me in choosing my partners. For me is always the unavailable, older kind of men that I do not usually have acces to. From the start its a lose situation and I do it more consciously now but I am in a period of time where I am learning how to say yes to the right people. To be confident enough to go for those that I feel I am trully attracted too.
"Severe depressive disorder with attachment disorder"
This is one of my 'qualifications '
But still don't know what the attachment disorder is exactly. Or why it's useful to label it as such.
Seems like a cool idea
I don’t have any friends and I don’t let anyone close because since a baby I was hurt tremendously by those closest to me. Throughout my life whenever I did let anyone in I was also abused horribly. I’m not safe with anyone close…so I’m very isolated and alone and terrified of people now.
It's not good , but be aware you're not alone there are people who can help you but in the end all efforts will be your
I always have this nasty inner critic in my head that makes it really to try to socialize and be present with friends. This constant narration and critique of everything I say and do. And I am so worried that people are judging me or thinking negatively about me ( projection on my part, I am sure).
I do not have any close friends now...let me be honest, I do not even have Any friends that I hang out with or are even in the vicinity of me. It is not that I have not tried, nor others not trying or even not having friendships - I have such a deep fear of people hurting me or backstabbing me ( in a different way that paranoia - it is more of ...like living in a flashback that never ends and constantly warns against this happening again).
In my friendships, I put all the attention on them to open up and talk and I am very guarded with innermost thoughts. I never really knew this until my best friend/sister by love - not blood, responded to me saying a random story about my past by saying, "omg sissy, i think that is the first deeply personal thing you have ever shared with me about your life. Ever." I felt this in my gut. She was right.
Part of it is that inner critic, part projection onto others, part self hate and shame, part feeling i am so different from everyone else that no one would even understand me anyways.
Hello Im new here. This is a good one to journal. I'm the opposite with this. Growing up I was always loving and connecting with other's wearing my heart on my sleeve.
Now basically since 2009 I've changed. Now, I'm detached from everyone and the world. I did remarry and a 3rd child but, they are the only ones really in my life. I 🍩 even talk to my 2 older boys anymore. I'm on meds again doing emotional support groups online. I would love, to love once again but, I don't think I well.
@alleywood13
I'm so sorry alley, I can relate to what you said. I too am getting distant from other people. I feel hopeless.
Don't feel like your alone. It's ok you can do this. Im here if you want to vent talk or have me listen. Im trying to process my feelings of this lonely thing. I've always been in with others. But isolation is my new thing. I do go out and do the errands I need to do. Don't give up.
@alleywood13
Thank you Alley, I appreciate you taking care of yourself. Hope we can overcome this.
@munchiegoosie
Thank you munchie, for this thread and everyone for sharing your stories.
My experiences with attachment difficulty are various and of many varieties. Most often, it is about my "ideal expectations" from people that they obviously don't meet up to and I let that justify my keeping my distance from them instead of shifting my expectations to be better adjusted to reality or to just be practical. Part of it is due to a certain lack of empathy on my part, as I have been thankfully told. As a first born, I also have been very pampered in my childhood. I have an independent avoidant type of attachment style which is said to be the worst type of the four types there are. I think, the key is to learn to listen and be alert to signs to intentionally and persistently learn to connect and allow for mutual attachment to happen in your close relationships. I'm grateful to be able to now have and work towards better experiences of attachment, love and caring. I wish you best on your journeys of growing towards securely attached adults x
@fruityHoliday63 you're awesome for becoming aware, being open to learn and work on yourself and practice healthy attachments in life. Way to go. ❤️
I like how you mentioned about the unrealistic expectations and how it is a better option to shift our perspective towards a realistic/ practical one ~ something i could resonate with alot and am working on, as well! Wish me luck lol. 😊
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
I wish you the best, slowly but surely you'll get there. xoxo
Hey @munchiegoosie, I really appreciate you for creating this space where everyone can share their experience(s) with each other, as well as receive supportive comments, assuring they aren't alone. And it is super okay to feel as they do! ❤️
If you'd like to share something too, please feel free. 😊