Rising From The Ashes

But you act so… normal. Are you seriously serious?!?

yeap. Thats what I got from the first human I told about having been abused (Should probably give her some leeway considering we were 14 and she made up for it and became my bestie #HowToMakeBesties101. Clearly I know the deal :P)

The point is, most of us do look just fine. Most of us seem to have survived the abuse, even though were still dying on the inside. We act normal, not like the broken down worn-out battle warrior we've become. Like the winds been knocked out of us. Gasping, struggling to keep our head above the water. Waking up at 4am in cold sweat; Flinching when anyone shouts - even in celebration; Shuddering from the tiniest reminder.

Recovering, healing from abuse of any kind is one of the toughest things to ever have to do. Unravelling that immense gordian knot of emotions is not easy, and unfortunately, just snapping the rope is not the way to go. Somehow, Ive almost managed it (after 9 years of tedious unravelling), and in the journey of working through these emotions (tedious. so heckkity tedious. why isnt there a big red button for this again), here are the things I learnt and want to impart to my sisters at heart (yes, thats you~ my lovely strong survivors)

➊ Establish a support circle~ Make yourself feel safe again.

Abuse is a bit like an earthquake. It throws you. Your world is all rubble. Sometimes youre trapped under the rubble. Its important to call for rescue. Its important to find stability and security. Self-reliance. Of course, this can mean multiple things- to each their own. But find what you need, and chase it down.

➋ Its NOT your fault. Its not because you deserved it (no one does) or are weak, or stupid or flawed.

I remember, ages ago, when someone shoved me and my shoulder popped out of place, I never once thought Why did I let this happen to me?. I never thought I deserve this. I never thought It is me~ theres something wrong with me.

But when it comes to abuse, all of that flies out of the window. To us, abuse becomes a reflection of who WE are, rather than who the perpetrator is. It is not. Remind yourself, this is something that happened TO you. Someone hurt you~ it reflects tons more about them than you.

You did not let it happen to you.

➌ Your abusers words arent gospel. Theyre a book of lies.

Every emotional abuser NEEDS you to believe this. To maintain their power. They need you to believe every cruel venomous word they spew~ dont. Take that power away. Its tough, emotional abuse is … brainwashing for lack of a better word. But, try anyway. Believe in yourself~ not in the words of an *insert loads of swears ‘cos they is suckkity*

➍ Let yourself grieve. Rising from these ashes takes time.

I know youre thinking you should be over it by now. You know what Im thinking? (well, other than nutella. Im always thinking nutella) Im thinking, if you rush to move on after you pop that shoulder back in, well its just going to pop right back out. Release those feelings, and let them fly~ dont cage them in. You have lost many things along the way of abuse. Let yourself cry for them~ you dont have to block your grief. Thats not what being strong means. Being strong is letting yourself feel that pain *huggles* (Its just appropriate at this juncture?)

➎ You could crumble again. It happens. Recovery is a process, and there are relapses.

There are honeymoon periods (hella deceiving by the way), they make you feel like everything is fine. Hooray recovery over *dances* Erm, sorry for crumbling those dreams (keep dancing though ^-^) but its never just over. Not for a long time. Some days are bad (like. no-nutella-in-the-world bad), but thats okay. Give yourself time to refocus, time to heal right over again. I can promise you this ~ its just a bit easier every time, until it comes as naturally as breathing.

➏ The pain needs to escalate to settles down completely.

Sometimes, you just want to sit right where you are and be a couch potato (not a bad option, sometimes to be honest xD). Its painful, terrifying and nightmarish to get up and move forward. To trust others again. To open yourself up, let yourself be vulnerable. Talking about trauma, is heckkity painful and heart wrenching~ I might have cried. Multiple times. Writing this brings up memories duh. But it is catharsis. I feel freer, not as wound up. *tough love* We have to do it for the sake of our long term goals ~ wanting to move on, wanting to find someone we trust, wanting to genuinely smile.

(At this juncture, I would like to insert a GIF. because who cares about appropriate sometimes right?)

➐ What you believe in, are the things that get stronger.

I am worthless. Undeserving. Unlovable. I cant do this Typing these words feel awfully familiar. These are the words I had every single day for years in my own tiny head, and they relentlessly worked to strengthen my depression and anxiety and PTSD and *insert multiple issues whoops*

Try hearing this instead, everyday, to strengthen your resolve, self-worth and happiness~ Im going to get through this, I have people to help me, I am more than something that happened to me, Im beautiful Suuure, it sounds completely fake right now. All I ask is that you keep saying it until its the truth you believe in <3

➑ It is temporary.

Ooooh, cliched phrases make me cringe but theres a reason theyre cliche after all. Theyre true. Pain is temporary. Somedays, it might feel overwhelming, like there is no end in sight. Its understandable~ youre the eye of a tornado, and all you see is pain and flashbacks and the debris of your life swirling around you. But remember, even tornados end.

Our feelings like to flip flop all over the place (told you theyre tedious). Remind yourself the horrible and the miserable will pass; Cherish the good and great while its around.

Of course, even after all this, we all have one question in our mind. Why me? Is it because Im a bad human, because I made myself weak, because I- stop right there. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it happened. Dislocated shoulders are just part of the life (unfortunately). ❤

And for anyone with a friend whos been abused, my besties method of replying is not recommended ;) But the super squishy hugsie I got afterwards DEFINITELY is xD

Thank you for reading this uberlong ramble~ Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. This is my tiny contribution to it. When we rise from the ashes, we can help others heal too, (Oh heckkity yeah my phoenix metaphor works :O) and we can empower ourselves. ❤

Tagging friends and mentoreos. Cos they have to deal with me. And because I believe this message should be spread, and also, they're geniuses who will probably have insight <3 @amazingrea @RocketsMom @NewRomantic677 @MelAllyouneedislove @Ila @Ace13 @AmyBear @YayyySphere @MidniteAngel @cristiana33 @Alicattt

Tag anyone else, whom you think might find something helpful in this ramble <3