Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Sunday 14th of October, 2018
Hi Trauma Family 
How is your Sunday going so far? Anything fun planned?
Todays boundary topic is Feelings. Lets try and make this less scary…
When we are beinging to look at behavioural patterns after trauma we can often trace them back (with a lot of self reflection and practice) to feelings. Feelings are the motivation behind most of our behaviours (also our attitudes and beliefs, which we will cover next time…).
Usually feelings come from the heart to tell us how we are doing with our relationships, but after trauma this can sometimes be skewed. Weve all heard the rose tinted glasses analogy where you get into a new relationship and the person is amazing, wonderful and totally perfect… Trauma gives a different tint, relationships can look scary and unsafe and threatening, even (or especially?) if they are actually healthy and safe ones.
I thought that a good first step to acknowledging our feelings would be to draw 2 circles, one for you, one for the ‘trauma. If you have DID like me, you can invite your other parts to draw their own circles. The purpose of this is to understand what feelings are from your heart and what feelings are a result of the trauma you have faced. It unblends them so you can work through and process them.
Once you have the feelings onto paper it is super helpful when interacting with others because you know what is yours and what is not. We can only be responsible for our own feelings. Even if someone else triggers a feeling from the trauma circle it is only us that is in control of soothing ourselves. Of course we can ask others to help us, and we definitely should connect with others as part of our healing. But only we are responsible for the feelings because they are in our circle. We need to work out what issue they might be pointing to and resolve it.
When a relationship is healthy each party can freely share what is in their circles, they can let out the bad and share with the other person and receive in comfort. When both parties can do this for each other, it is a very awesome and healthy place to be. – This is a work in progress so be gentle with yourselves if you are not here yet!
What do you think? Will you try out the circle exercise?
If you dont feel up to this topic thats ok, come and tell us about your day. There is a bath of chocolate pudding for @ImperfectCherry and a pudding buffet for the rest of us who dont want to eat out of a bath tub
Hi Canvas :) I am just sort of marking this page here so that I'll come back to it again later. I'm thinking to either copy/paste or just send my friend the link. This thinking on boundaries and feelings, I think would be a really good thing for her and I to talk about. She is a very dear friend and quite honestly, I'm not totally sure why she is still my friend or still in my life. Some things my mental illness is/should be responsible for could have been (or have been, I haven't asked) very hard (duh) and potentially harmful for her. Yet she still sets aside time to spend with me, to listen to me, to give wise ideas or "did you think about ..."
All friends of 7cups, here Trauma Family and anyone reading this, I am so blessed to have this friend C in my life. Yup. .................... After all of that ^, she is still here. She still meets with me :O I am very blessed.
Okay, I'll come back later and perhaps C and I can do this activity of naming feelings together in the near future. Thank you, Canvas! See y'all again soon! <3 Platy
@LifeIsMyCanvas @anomalia @pinkfluffyUnicorns8706 @fluffyunicorns84 - Practicing optimism? myLlama- @Kate @Laura
@cyanPlatypus6370 thats an awesome friend you have to stick by you support you
@CaringBrit - Indeed, what you've said here is very true. I am so blessed! I know there have been times (perhaps many times) that my friend has really not understood what is going on for me (like in a manic episode for example), but she has still not left.
When I stop to ponder this, it basically really baffles me. Thank you (times like 412!) my dear friend C! You are such a good example for me - in many ways - but in particular in how to love someone - the person, through and through ... even when you don't understand or feel angry with the mental illness part of that person.
I still have much to learn. (One being that the hour of "late" is past so it's good to log off of 7cups! 
) ~ tired Platy, sleepy .... must .. go ... outside! [[Oh, friend C, the things we do for our SFOs!]] Good night, 7cups!
@LifeIsMyCanvas
is it possible to separate the trauma feelings from my feelings? It feels like my trauma is me. I am the sum of my experiences in life, and my trauma makes up a large component of it. Less over time but still large
@LifeIsMyCanvas I was talking with my listener about the trauma that I faced after years of abusive relationship after abusive relationship. I just got triggered by a memory that was very traumatic that I had not really talked about since it happened.
There was a time in my life where I lived with an extended family member who emotional problems, low tolerance, anger, was controlling and very self-righteous She also has a "My way or the highway" attitude. This one time, I didn't meet her demands so she threw a tantrum for a few days, pouted and basically projected all her bad behavior onto me. Everything that she accused me of was true of her.
@Summershy oh wow sorry to hear everything youve gone through
@CaringBritm she basically told me in tears that "I will not take abuse from you" and yet she was the one who was abusing me by
1. Accusing me things that were not true
2. Shutting me off from the rest of the house by shutting all the doors in my face
This happened 15 years ago and I have not really dealt with is since...
However, I decided to cut her out of my life because the relationship was really toxic and I just got tired of her controlling behavior and her tantrums and constant putdowns.
@Summershy good on you for cutting her out you dont deserve that and she sounds like a narcissist to me with the blaming others for what she does
Trauma Survivors can have years old Trauma they havent fully worked through we all heal differently i did a checkin on the 12th october if you wish to look at it
@CaringBrit we started growing apart early last year and especially after she made and broke a promise to me and did some really controlling things which led me to hang up on her a few times because she was so pushy. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was the fact that she was mad because I didn't contact her at all when Hurricane Irma blew through our city as tropical storm depression and knocked my power out. She also asked me whether or I wanted her in my life and accused me of being selfish and that I hadn't changed. She did give me time to think it over but after that phone call, I was devastated because we were close did a lot together.
Then a month later, she asked me but I could not get past, " I love you" and everything without her putting up a wall. "No you don't, you don't know what love is. There is no room in for love in the heart of a selfish." I told her that I was looking into other options at that point and then she threatened me. "This is going to happen to you and then you will come back to the people who really care about you. I am the only idiot around here who knows what she is doing." So I got off the phone with her and have not called her since and just cut her out of my life.
@Summershy aww thats alot to be put through
@CaringBrit she did try to email me out of the blue over the summer but she didn't ask how I was doing. Rather, it was about enough money and about remodeling my kitchen. However, I put my foot down with her and mentioned that based on the interactions last fall, we were just going to bring out the worst in each other and that we need a break.
@Summershy good on you for putting your foot down must have felt great
