Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Sunday 14th of October, 2018
Hi Trauma Family 
How is your Sunday going so far? Anything fun planned?
Todays boundary topic is Feelings. Lets try and make this less scary…
When we are beinging to look at behavioural patterns after trauma we can often trace them back (with a lot of self reflection and practice) to feelings. Feelings are the motivation behind most of our behaviours (also our attitudes and beliefs, which we will cover next time…).
Usually feelings come from the heart to tell us how we are doing with our relationships, but after trauma this can sometimes be skewed. Weve all heard the rose tinted glasses analogy where you get into a new relationship and the person is amazing, wonderful and totally perfect… Trauma gives a different tint, relationships can look scary and unsafe and threatening, even (or especially?) if they are actually healthy and safe ones.
I thought that a good first step to acknowledging our feelings would be to draw 2 circles, one for you, one for the ‘trauma. If you have DID like me, you can invite your other parts to draw their own circles. The purpose of this is to understand what feelings are from your heart and what feelings are a result of the trauma you have faced. It unblends them so you can work through and process them.
Once you have the feelings onto paper it is super helpful when interacting with others because you know what is yours and what is not. We can only be responsible for our own feelings. Even if someone else triggers a feeling from the trauma circle it is only us that is in control of soothing ourselves. Of course we can ask others to help us, and we definitely should connect with others as part of our healing. But only we are responsible for the feelings because they are in our circle. We need to work out what issue they might be pointing to and resolve it.
When a relationship is healthy each party can freely share what is in their circles, they can let out the bad and share with the other person and receive in comfort. When both parties can do this for each other, it is a very awesome and healthy place to be. – This is a work in progress so be gentle with yourselves if you are not here yet!
What do you think? Will you try out the circle exercise?
If you dont feel up to this topic thats ok, come and tell us about your day. There is a bath of chocolate pudding for @ImperfectCherry and a pudding buffet for the rest of us who dont want to eat out of a bath tub
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Hi @LifeIsMyCanvas
I want to just sit here covered in blankets and listen to everyone else.
@humorousBeing8966 we can go hide in the fort if you like
@CaringBrit
Is it going to be safe in the fort? I don't know if it'll be safe in the fort...
Where would I go if it comes crashing down again...it's following me...it's chasing me...it keeps talking to me...I don't know what it is but it isn't going away...
@humorousBeing8966 it will definetly be safe in there
@humorousBeing8966
yay you are here with us
Definately! We can build an epic fort and hide together and ... maybe eat some puddings?
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I need to escape somewhere...I need to run far far away.. I need to find elysium....
@humorousBeing8966
Sounds like you have been triggered and are in flight mode. Is there anything you can do to calm the nervious system, like go for a run or run on the spot to get rid of that anxious energy? Is there something that you have done before that works for you?
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I escaped to my workplace... watching a lot of food videos and doing stuff to occupy my mind... but I can't concentrate on reading or sitting still
Usually if it's too intense I end up self harming...I guess I need to convert it to productive exercise but being outside out in the open especially at night still needs a lot of getting used to...
@LifeIsMyCanvas another awesome topic canvas
@CaringBrit
ty hun, i'm going to go read yours from yesterday soon, I was crazy busy yesterday 
@LifeIsMyCanvas aww understanding there but youll love it im sure and im a FS in Trauma now think ill be doing a regular day
how are you feeling today
Can I join you in the pillow fort
@crimsonLime6525 of course you can
@CaringBrit thank you
@crimsonLime6525
Always Want some pudding?
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I don't really know feelings. I don't know at what stage people are supposed to learn to identify them, but I missed that stage. I can tell the physical symptoms of a feeling and sometimes whether it is good or bad, but a lot of times I can't name it. I would guess that the feelings that make me want to hide from people are probably trauma ones.
Right now I want to cry and I want to hide. I'm not feeling safe.
@practicalIdeal2007 their is absolutely no right or wrong at what stage to be on when to be at that stage or the order we heal differently
@practicalIdeal2007
Hey Ideal 
identifying and naming our feelings is a very difficult task for trauma survivors, so don't worry, it already is a great achievement that you can recognise the physical symptoms and if it's a good or a bad feeling, this is a wonderful first step Is there anything what could help you to feel a bit safer? wrapping a blanket tightly around you, listening to some calm music or perhaps watching your favourite film? don't give up hon, you will get there....
@ImperfectCherry
There was someone at my house at 4am this morning and I don't know who. My mind has lots of ideas for why they were here, but I don't know really. I'm just in my corner hoping they don't come back.
@practicalIdeal2007
that indeed sounds like a scary situation Ideal... I understand that that makes you feel very unsafe.... but as long as your house is properly locked up, nobody can come in easily... and please don't hestitate to call the police if a situation seems threatening to you... Hugs hon, you are not alone, we're all here with you
@practicalIdeal2007
hey ideal,
Physical feelings totally count to put down in the circles. I noticed that when I'm angry my wrists hurt, our bodies are a good listening tool for our feelings and it sounds like you are doing a good job of identitfying them
As Cherry said, most important thing is to have you feeling safe, if we are feeling unsafe then it's too hard to process feelings and it can actually make us feel more unsafe and we definately don't want that for you!
@LifeIsMyCanvas
lol I just read your pudding bathtub comment lmao 
who said I want to eat from it? you're just awesome Canvas *hugs*
and your topic, again, is amazing.... I love that circles exercise, that's a really great idea... I think sometimes it's really hard to say what feelings are our own and what are our 'trauma-feelings'.... I often find myself describing my feelings with a but, like 'I am happy, but I'm sure that won't last', sth like that.... so I found out that the feeling in front of the but are my true feelings, the one behind it is my 'trauma-feeling'... so what I sometimes try is just to not say the but works sometimes 
Hope you're all having a good sunday
@LifeIsMyCanvas Good morning!
I love the idea of doing this circle exercise and getting my feelings out. Do I just make the circles or is there more to this?
Do I put all my traumas in one circle? Can they all fit in there, Lol?
I feel like I am missing some understanding in the instructions. I think it's my fear clouding my brain!
I have been challenging my fears lately by facing things I feel anxious about and have been avoiding, so
last night I went to Nordstrom and walked around and bought a few things I have been really needing.
It ended up being a calm and positive experience.
I am going to try and get out again today and try another shop and work with being present and breathing through
my anxiety and fear. I also get memory scramble which leaves me confused and I need to find a way to tackle that too.
I think it's my minds clever way of keeping me safe, but I am just isolating myself with this behavior.
The holiday season is around the corner and that is adding a lot to my anxiety pile and not sure how to begin
working on that. One moment, one thing, at a time, right?
Thanks so much for posting this. It gives me something constructive to work on and a way to move forward in trauma
@emotionalMaple9419
You dont need to write all the trauma feelings at once so maybe start with 1 circle and write what you obeserve and process that bit. You can always do the exercise again later... especially as feelings change a lot! I tend to focus on the ones that occur the most or are troubling me.
I'm glad you had a good experience in the store, it's a really big step and I am proud of you
💜
My Sundays been ok kinda calm for once
Have/had a lot of fear anxiety some boredom stress loneliness physical pain lately
But every day has at least 1 good thing in it I got a new job the "client" let's say is such a kind person it makes my job so much easier and motivated they're easier to teach
Good sermon today the pastor was like listen to young people, husbands bake for your wives if you haven't do different things
Then I am going on a hayride or something at a farm that will be fun I love farms
Can't believe it's almost halfway through October. I'm trying not to freak out about things I thought I would have done by now.
But excited for Halloween bc my friends and I are throwing a party
I just hope this month goes ok for all of us for so many reasons
@wittySpruce8187
aww I am so happy you had a calm day and have found and kind and motivated client.
Your church sounds fun, I wish I could convince hubby to bake me a cake! He did just bring me tea tho
I've not heard of hayrides, would you come back and tell us how it went? I love animals!
This year is going fast, maybe thinking about what you have done might help not to freak out as much?
I'm so happy that you have the farm trip and party to look forward too
@LifeIsMyCanvas
💜💜
The farm went really Well!
We didn't actually get to go on a hay ride but that's when you sit in a truck filled with hay or just a truck used for transporting hay or other farm goods and you take a tour of the woods or farm or whether
But we had a lot of fun there were corn mazes and pumpkins and giant tires to run in like a hamster on a wheel, we got to slingshot potatoes into a field and my favorite part we got to literally swim in corn
Just this giant vat of corn up to our knees it was so cool
There were a lot of animals! There were goats and birds and chickens and cows. This 1 cow I worry for she was alone in her pen and so skinny I kept trying to feed her hay and bugs were crawling all over her I hate when they do that
It was also nice to get back in the countryside bc that's where my family from and I miss it a lot. The people I think are just gentler and kinder in the farmlands and seem to value different things than in the suburbs
We were there to meet with other people of our religion so that was fun to meet new people. I was really glad to see a more accepting and diverse population not only in our meeting but everyone at the farm
I can only relate from my mom's family a bit about being ethnically different in a small town like that so I understand a bit how it feels so I'm so glad people are not alone
Especially bc I feel like that's everyone's home. That's their land it's their home it's all our home not just as God's children but as they made the small town just as much as anyone else. I think understandably people have an idea of what the rural Midwest is like as homogenous and narrow minded and yea it definitely can be but there's also people who have been there and are coming here and they made this the beautiful place that is just as much
@LifeIsMyCanvas
I think Iwould like to try this exercise. I, too, am DID and I have a lot of issues with feelings that come up that don't pertain to my current situations. My internal fight or flight can be raised even when there is no apparent threat. I understand that these feelings can be linked to past trauma but I become such a jumbled up mess inside that it is easier just to get away from what is stimulating the trauma. I have tried to stay and fight it but found that the emotional mess just gets worse and somewhat louder until I feel completely unstable. Maybe this exercise could be a way for me to understand why or from where the problem is coming. Thank you for the post. :)
@TeenyTinyAppy
Hi Appy
Yeah lot of parts in different fight flight and freeze states is really hard to navigate. Once I got mine to write in there circles they also got the responsibility for the feelings in the circles because I have the information i needed to un blend myself with them. I think it's a great idea to get away from the trigger first. We can't process our feelings when they are intense, maybe when you get to the calm space your parts might be able to work through their feeling circles with you.