Trauma Support Community Checkin Monday-Tuesday, November 16-17 2020
Hey you wonderful people! We're all set up here for another great campfire. I hope the start of this new week finds you all doing ok. It's ok to not be ok too! This is a place to come as you are :)
So come - grab a seat and tell me what is on your beautiful minds!
*J*
@adaptableLake3534 @AstronomySkies @AveryLove @BeenAKiwi @BillyJoeBobb @blueScarf9326 @BrokenDreamsPalace @CaptainTrev @CaringBrit @CoolBeans29 @crimsonLime6525 @crxxtvfl0w @depressedsatellite1452 @DinaElwy @emylly @Feathersfall @FigureskatingEquestrian @Fireskye13 @Fleggles @Gagaintheroom @gentleLand5245 @goldenSpruce1512 @Grandmaof10 @gregariousBeing5071 @hillsideblues @honestpanda81 @HonestWarrior6624 @HopeNChayil @HumanPersonThingy @Hydrangea03 @InfinityandBeyond23 @Itisbailey @jr50 @jupitermatilde @Kekesea11 @Kickiree @Kimmkimm @Lilly28 @lovehummingbirdsCindy @LovelyOrangeJuice @lowkeyem1001 @Lubo123 @maya6548 @Mellietronx @mkaitx @mytwistedsoul @navyMango2804 @neatBlueberry3608 @NevaehRose @Nolanhm @nonethewiser @NoneTheWiser @notmyselftoday @npos25 @oceancruiser48 @OffDutySeraph @ottersngiggles @pencilmarks @PinkestOctopus @rainbow3140 @Randomperson453 @ReallyRuth @Rebekahwriter13 @Redhawk6547 @redmark @Rosa9570 @SarahAlaina15 @scarletPear1945 @sensitiveShade5337 @Silverviolets @sleepingd0gg0 @SoulSupporter102 @spectacularSunrise7824 @stickercollection @Summer899 @SynSavory @Taylorz27 @tealOak8933 @The0Vetoed0System @ThreadbareThinker @TransparentPuzzle @Turtlegrrrl8 @u1146 @Understandingempath @UndomesticGoddess @WarriorHeartsSystem @weepingwillow5489 @WelcomeToChat @Worrior22Warrior @Writersworld
Hey you wonderful people :) The campfire is still going and I'd like to invite everyone to feel free to stop by today and share anything that might be going on in those beautiful brains :) It's ok if you'd rather not share too - silence is comfortable among friends as well as conversation. Come as you are - good or bad. I think you're all amazing :)
@adaptableLake3534 @AstronomySkies @AveryLove @BeenAKiwi @BillyJoeBobb @blueScarf9326 @BrokenDreamsPalace @CaptainTrev @CaringBrit @CoolBeans29 @crimsonLime6525 @crxxtvfl0w @depressedsatellite1452 @DinaElwy @emylly @Feathersfall @FigureskatingEquestrian @Fireskye13 @Fleggles @Gagaintheroom @gentleLand5245 @goldenSpruce1512 @Grandmaof10 @gregariousBeing5071 @hillsideblues @honestpanda81 @HonestWarrior6624 @HopeNChayil @HumanPersonThingy @Hydrangea03 @InfinityandBeyond23 @Itisbailey @jr50 @jupitermatilde @Kekesea11 @Kickiree @Kimmkimm @Lilly28 @lovehummingbirdsCindy @LovelyOrangeJuice @lowkeyem1001 @Lubo123 @maya6548 @Mellietronx @mkaitx @mytwistedsoul @navyMango2804 @neatBlueberry3608 @NevaehRose @Nolanhm @NoneTheWiser @nonethewiser @notmyselftoday @npos25 @oceancruiser48 @OffDutySeraph @ottersngiggles @pencilmarks @PinkestOctopus @rainbow3140 @Randomperson453 @ReallyRuth @Rebekahwriter13 @Redhawk6547 @redmark @Rosa9570 @SarahAlaina15 @scarletPear1945 @sensitiveShade5337 @Silverviolets @sleepingd0gg0 @SoulSupporter102 @spectacularSunrise7824 @stickercollection @Summer899 @SynSavory @Taylorz27 @tealOak8933 @The0Vetoed0System @ThreadbareThinker @TransparentPuzzle @Turtlegrrrl8 @u1146 @Understandingempath @UndomesticGoddess @weepingwillow5489 @WelcomeToChat @Worrior22Warrior @Writersworld
@mytwistedsoul
You tagged me when I'm at my low point.
12.27 am and I'm crying.
Would love to be in that campfire.
It looks nice and warm...
@UndomesticGoddess Hey it's nice to see you here :)
I'm sorry you're having a low point but I'm so glad you reached out here. You're welcome to share anything you'd like to here but I also understand if you would rather not. I just want you to know that we're here for you - to listen - to offer you comfort. I'm sorry you're crying :( I know sometimes crying is a good thing and can be cathartic at times but I know that it also shows how much pain we're in
While the fire is nice and warm - it's better to watch it from the outside of it. I'd like it very much if you would sit beside me instead - no pressure though of course
*offer's you a hug* No pressure though
Please be gentle with yourself and your thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
I'd like to enjoy the silence. Listen to the fire and just reflect upon life. At work, as a teacher, it's never quiet and I just want the peace and quiet for a while. Rest the brain from all impressions❤
@mytwistedsoul
Hello
Not sure what's going on but I'm not at my best. I'm just trying to be okay
@sensitiveShade5337 Hey it's nice to see you :)
This is just an unofficial check-in. I usually pick a campfire because I think it's a wonderful way for us all to come together and talk :)
I'm sorry to hear that you aren't at your best. I know there's alot of things going on in the world right now that have just turned everything upside down for alot of us :( It's been hard to deal with
I hope that you've seen me around here and there that you'll feel comfortable to talk with me if you'd like :)
I'm allmost positive that you've heard that its ok to not be ok - here in this thread - I would like people to come as they are - ok or not. There's never any pressure though - I give you my word on that. You decide what you're comfortable with ok? We can talk about any and everything or we can sit quietly and offer support
Thank you for joining me today - I hope you take good care of yourself
@mytwistedsoul
Im just seeing you for the 2nd time, not sure if you have seen me and knew me before? Your username doesn't remind me anything so if we get to know each other now, nice to meet you.
It generally does take some time for me to feel comfortable enough to share but sometimes I do it either way.
@sensitiveShade5337 I have seen you around but I think it may have been awhile ago. Usually on these checkins but I think it's the ones that @NoneTheWiser does. I don't think we've ever actually talked though - normally I keep to myself but I have my anxiety locked up right now. Tbh - I tend to isolate alot and this helps me not to
I can understand that - it does take time to get to feel comfortable enough to be able to share
It's very nice to meet you :)
@mytwistedsoul
Oh yeah, then that makes sense. I know thewiser for a long time now so I usually post on their check ins.
It's nice meeting you tho and thank you for taking the time to answer me :)
@mytwistedsoul
Hi! I'm ok, a little lonely since my fiance is in quarantine but video calling helps :) The one class I was supposed to have today didn't record/stream so my routine is a bit thrown off, but that's not too bad. I had a really interesting theological discussion this morning (those kind of discussions fulfill me in a way that's kind of hard to describe; deep conversation is just really satisifying) while drinking hot chocolate, so that was really nice. In case anyone else here is lactose intolerant, oat milk tastes exactly like normal milk in hot chocolate! I wasn't very hungry but made myself eat a big lunch since I haven't been eating as much recently, so I'm proud of that. Ooh! & I got to see pictures of my friend's newborn! That's about it for now :) thanks
@HumanPersonThingy Hey its nice to see you :)
I'm glad to hear that you're ok - it would be lonely not having your fiance with you :( and then knowing he's in quarantine would be alittle scary. I hope he's ok and doesn't get sick
When you said your class got canceled - it would throw off your routine but I bet the free time was kind of nice too :) a chance to maybe lounge alittle and relax
Deeper conversations are really nice - it is hard to explain lol - I guess its that those kinds of conversations let you see alittle deeper into the minds of others - it shows a fuller picture of their thoughts and of course add hot chocolate and it's allmost perfect :)
I'm glad you are some lunch even if you weren't hungry and it is something you should be proud of doing :) sometimes food can be an issue - whether it's anxiety or depression - sometimes the appetite is the first thing to go
Oh I bet the baby was adorable!
You're welcome :) Thank you too! I hope you take good care of yourself
@mytwistedsoul
Hiya, ima Trying to hang tough. How gos with you?
Hello:
I got a lot on my plate right now and just need to hear a few encouraging words from anybody. Even a safe hug would be acceptable right now My daughter has tested positive for the virus and I am worried about her and me and my husband's safety. I don't want to get overwhelmed with emotions and make things worse than they are. My husband is suffering with early Dementia and that is tearing my nerves up. Seems as soon as I get one thing handled other pops up not giving me a chance to catch my breath.
@scarletPear1945 Hey it's nice to see you today :)
*offers you a safe hug*
I think that you are doing so great - just by coming and talking about these things. I can imagine how worried you must be with all this coming at you right now. It does often seem that way doesn't it? That there's allways something - you never really get a chance to recover from one thing before another thing comes at you - it is so unbelieveably overwhelming sometimes :(
Dementia is so hard to deal with - my grandmother had alzheimers and they're both just devastating to watch and deal with. You really do have alot on your plate :( With the virus and with the dementia and the constant worry of if any of you get sick - Please remember that we're here for you - there are people here who care for you and we're all more then willing to listen if you want or need to vent. Even if you just want to sit quietly - please know you don't have to sit alone
You'll be in my thoughts - Please be gentle with yourself and take good care
@mytwistedsoul
Your kind words bring tears of gratitude and thankfulness to my heart. Not words that I hear very often. Well that I have rarely heard in my lifetime. So again, I say thank you from all that is with in me. I needed that hug...sending one back at you.
I think that I will just sit here quietly in a corner and just observe.
I'm new to this forum but I dissociate I think from my complex trauma and it's very scary. Can anyone relate to this?
@basunicorn1313 Hey it's nice to meet you and welcome :)
I can relate - You're right - its very scary when it happens :( Do you have any methods to ground yourself? Grounding can be very helpful. Of course it can be really helpful to have a good therapist to help you work through trauma you have. And stress - stress is like the bad guy of everything. Stress seems to feed alot of things that can cause dissociation
Thank you for joining me here today - I hope to see you around :) Take care of yourself
I'm grateful for cups. It's a helpful distraction from everything.
I'm learning to forgiver my abuser and move on. It's really difficult, because I was just a small child when it happened, and the fears and panic have lingered for several years now. I know I need to let go in order to really live a more normal, peaceful life, but it haunts me everyday when I wake up. I don't really know how to let go.
I've been trying to be kind to myself, because I know that I can't change what happened, and it wasn't my fault I was hurt. I hope I'll get better soon, I want to be free from all of this.
I'm gonna go have an ice cream now, and watch a cartoon. Some days you just need a break
@honestpanda81 Hey it's nice to see you here :)
You're right - Cups is a great distraction and a great place to meet and talk with others who may understand the things we're going through and dealing with
You're right - it is difficult to forgive our abusers. For myself - I have many conflicting emotions about it. Its normal to want to let it go and move on - to want to live a life free from fear and panic. I know that some things take time and we need to try and be patient with ourselves and our healing process. There are times when it can get frustrating because we may feel it's taking too long
I think it's great that you're trying to be kind to yourself. You're right - it wasn't your fault and I hope you find the peace and healing you deserve
I agree! Some days we do need that break - we need that bowl of our favorite ice cream while we watch some cartoons - I think it's a great way to do self care :)
Thank you for joining me here - I hope you take good care of yourself
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you, you're so kind. I wish I could say I deserved to heal, but I feel like I've messed up so much. I know I've hurt people because of the broken person I've become. Even though what happened wasn't my fault, I should've tried harder to run. I should've tried harder to stop it. I should've told someone about what happened. I shouldn't have let it hurt other people. Maybe I deserved it
@honestpanda81 Hey :) Please believe me when I say you do deserve to heal. We all make mistakes along the way but there is nothing that can justify what was done to you. You were a child - I know we often put the blame on ourselves because in our minds it makes it easier for us to understand. If we think that we were bad kids - if we think we're the ones to blame - it's our explanation to ourselves for the why's. Sometimes the people who hurt us told us those very same things. They use alot of things to ensure our silence - fear - threats - even being told that it's ok - and many times we do try to tell someone only to not be believed
Our path through healing is messy and there are many time we say and do things that may hurt other's - but it's not done out of malice - we lash out sometimes because we're hurting and confused - often feeling lost and alone and afraid. There is nothing that you have ever done that justifies and says that you deserved what happened to you - I know you may not believe that - at least right now anyway but I have hope that one day you will :)
Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
I think in my mind I can understand that. I know that this wasn't really my fault. But the feeling lingers. I can't bear to tell anyone, even now, several years later, because it still feels like I somehow brought it upon myself.
I want to heal, and to make up for everything, but I don't feel strong enough to do that. This is exhausting. I'm trying to forgive what happened, so I can move on, but somehow I keep sliding back, falling into this trap. Some days it's just too much.
Thank you for your kind words. I hope I'll learn to internalise them someday. I know the journey is full of ups and downs, so I'm not giving up. Maybe I'll get there if I keep trying
@honestpanda81 It can be really hard to open up about what we've gone through. Tbh I have this problem myself. There's alot of fear of judgement
Healing is exhausting. It's hard work and there are days when we feel we simply don't have the strength to deal with it. Its ok to have those days. Those are the days when we should have that ice cream and watch cartoons :) And forgiveness can be so hard - Tbh alot of people think you need to forgive in order to move on and tbh I think in some ways that expectation can make it worse. Because it seems as though you're expected to excuse what was done to you. You yourself should decide - if you want to forgive your abuser. Any and all emotions you feel right now are valid and you're allowed to feel them - even the dark and negative ones. Sometimes allowing those emotions a voice helps to soften them. I hope this makes alittle sense :)
It takes time and you're allowed to take as much time as you need. No ones path to healing is the same as anyone else's and we all go at our own pace - you'll find people who will walk with you along the way and there will be times when you'll see people farther up ahead - that doesn't mean that you aren't still making progress. I think we'll find our healing if we give ourselves time - we just need to be patient with ourselves
Anytime you need to talk about anything or if you just need to touch base with someone - the people in the trauma community are here for you - no judgement - no expectations - come as you are :)
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you, J, from the bottom of my heart, for being so kind to me. I don’t know how to tell you how grateful I am that you’ve taken your time and effort to write another thoughtful and sweet reply.
You’re right, all of this is so difficult. Sometimes I try to run from the memories of what happened, and sometimes I try to distract from it with ice cream and cartoons. I know it’s not a healthy coping mechanism, but it’s nice to know that it’s okay. I guess I don’t have to be healthy yet, I just have to try.
It’s interesting, what you say about forgiveness. It’s true that there is a pressure to forgive, and that makes things harder, because all you want to do is get it over and done with. I haven’t fully processed the things that happened, and I’m not ready to forgive, but that’s okay. Time closes all wounds.
I learnt the hard way that the negative emotions don’t want to hurt me, they just want to be heard. You’re right that simply listening to them and giving them a chance to speak helps to pacify them, at least until I’m ready to really feel them.
I don’t want to stay stuck here forever, but I guess if that’s what the trauma needs, that’s what the trauma will have.
Thank you, again, for your gentle words of encouragement. I have taken them to heart and will do my best to remember them
I woke up anxious this morning, thinking about the Online Degree I am going to be pursuing in January. Just had thoughts of I am too old, what am I getting myself into, etc. I was also thinking about my MIL who is in ICU with Double Pneumonia. She is getting better, and spent some time off the Ventilator yesterday and did well, but the Hospital wont let us visit her. Guess it is just a difficult time for me and my Husband and we just need to get througgh it.
@Breezy2013 It's hard waking up with anxiety :( I hope you were able to get it too ease some as the morning went
I don't think anyone is ever too old to learn :) I think it would be alittle scary though - simply because it's something new. But if it's something that you're interested in and something you enjoy - I think that that's half the battle
It's really great to hear that your MIL spent time off the ventilator and that she's getting better. I can understand the hospital's precautions with visiters - especially with this virus still going :( Of course it doesn't make it any easier for you and your husband. Maybe when she get's alittle better and off the ventilator - you could arrange something with one of the nurses to maybe do facetime or skype or something just to touch base with her :)
I think maybe we will do a video chat of some type with her. I am pretty sure my husband said she has her phone with her, so it may be possible.
Today went pretty well. My husband fixed a woodsplitter he borrowed and split some firewood and we went to the store and picked up a few things. This morning I called the College I am starting classes at in january and found out I got the financial aid I applied for so I set up my first two courses. I am less nervous about it now that I am actually going through the steps and doing what I need to do to accomplish this. I think I will do okay, since I already have an Associates degree in the Bachelors of Psychology I will be taking classes for.
@Breezy2013
@Breezy2013 Hey :) It's great to hear that you'll be able to do a video chat with her! I'm sure it will probably be a good thing for everyone to be able to see and talk with each other - a morale booster of sorts :)
I'm glad your husband was able to fix the wood splitter - it sure does make the task of firewood alot easier doesn't it? It's one of those job's that really makes you aware of how close winter is to knocking on our doors
Congratulations on the financial aid! One less thing to have to worry about. I'm glad to hear that you've set up for two of your courses and really glad to hear that you're not as nervous now that things are in motion and falling into place. I bet you do great!
Take care :)
Sorry, hit reply to my own post. I think I am just tired tonight.
Sorry, hit reply to my own post. I think I am just tired tonight.
Good morning to everyone:
Just checking in today. I went yesterday and got my test done for Covid, since I am taking care of my daughter who tested positive. The up and down the stairs and becoming highly creative in ways to get food and other stuff done while still trying to use universal precautions. She has a few new symptoms, but all is well. I conversate with her through video chats so I can look at her to make sure she is ok. I have to work on more patience when it comes to my husband. Yet it is all worth the time and inconvenience.
When I get overwhelmed with to many things my mind seems to go in a lock down mode. But I find I experience more flashbacks and critical thinking which is not good because that produces anxiety that leads me to this obsessive cleaning rituals I preform.which maybe good because I can't think on the bad stuff.
@scarletPear1945
You sound like a very considerate and kind parent to your daughter. I think she'll be lucky to have you <3
@pencilmarks
I thank you much
@scarletPear1945 Hey :) I'm really glad to see you checking back in and keeping us updated!
I hope your test comes back negative and I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has new symptoms but really glad to hear that all is still well. It's great that you can check in on her through video chats - it gives you alittle peace of mind I'm sure :)
Oh patience is a tricky thing isn't it? We're tired - we're stressed and we're irritable at times. It's hard to hold onto that patience sometimes. But you're doing the best you can right now with so many over whelming things coming at you. Sometimes it helps if we can take just a small break from things - even if it's just to step around the corner and take a few deep breaths
I think alot of times when we're overwhelmed and we fall back onto those rituals - for some reason it allways seems to be cleaning doesn't it? I think it's because it's the one thing that we can control. When everything else seems so out of our control - we can clean and it keeps us distracted from the things we can't control. I hope you're able to find time for yourself - even if it's in small doses - just to have those moments here and there to relax alittle and catch your breath
Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts
