Support check-in for November
Hello to all! I didn't ask for permission to do this, so if I've overstepped, I apologize and ask for forgiveness. It's been quite a while since there has been any check-in. So I thought perhaps an unofficial check-in might be nice. So please, come as you are, pull up a chair and let us know how things are in your world. I will reply as quickly as I can.
Forgot the magic list! Apologies again if I'm over stepping.
@adaptableLake3534 @adequatelyInadequate @adventurousBranch3786 @Amelia2324 @AstronomySkies @AveryLove @BeenAKiwi @BillyJoeBobb @blueScarf9326 @BrokenDreamsPalace @BrokenMedic @bubblegumPuppy68 @CalmCoral @CaptainTrev @CaringBrit @clare7199 @Colorfulcatsofhope @communicativeYard2325 @CoolBeans29 @crimsonLime6525 @crxxtvfl0w @Dannc7c @depressedsatellite1452 @DinaElwy @domesticEmerald50s @emylly @FallenAngel0128 @Feathersfall @FigureskatingEquestrian @Fireskye13 @Fleggles @Gagaintheroom @gentleLand5245 @Ghxstie @goldenSpruce1512 @Grandmaof10 @Greenchoice1 @gregariousBeing5071 @Grits1910 @hillsideblues @honestpanda81 @HonestWarrior6624 @HopeNChayil @HumanPersonThingy @InfinityandBeyond23 @Itisbailey @jovialButterfly6752 @jr50 @jupitermatilde @JustSmilingThruHell @Kekesea11 @Kickiree @Kimmkimm @kindTurtle3738 @LightofWorld @Lilly28 @lionsaether @littleHuman9247 @littleOtter1342 @LordFireStorm71 @lovehummingbirdsCindy @LovelyOrangeJuice @lowkeyem1001 @Lubo123 @Luchelle @lyricalAngel70 @maya6548 @Mellietronx @mkaitx @MVObserver @mytwistedsoul @navyMango2804 @neatBlueberry3608 @neonDog3649 @neonOwl3442 @NevaehRose @Nolanhm @nonethewiser @NoneTheWiser @notmyselftoday @npos25 @oceancruiser48 @Oceanwaves16 @OffDutySeraph @OneWithSugar @ottersngiggles @Parvlakin @pencilmarks @Pidgeymon @PinkestOctopus @politeBunny7572 @purpleWheel873 @QuietLotus @rainbow3140 @Randomperson453 @RansviewTheWizard @ReallyRuth @Rebekahwriter13 @Redhawk6547 @redmark @Rosa9570 @SarahAlaina15 @scarletPear1945 @selfdisciplinedTiger5523 @sensitiveShade5337 @ShapeshiftSystem @shellofashell @shiningDay80 @Silverviolets @sleepingd0gg0 @SnippyHam @sofiamartino18 @SoulSupporter102 @stickercollection @Storyhymns1234 @Summer899 @SynSavory @Taylorz27 @tealOak8933 @The0Vetoed0System @TheFisherKing @ThisIsLogan @ThreadbareThinker @TransparentPuzzle @Turtlegrrrl8 @u1146 @Understandingempath @UndomesticGoddess @unique73 @uniqueDaisy @Verysadperson101 @WarriorHeartsSystem @weepingwillow5489 @WelcomeToChat @Worrior22Warrior @Writersworld @Xe
A gentle reminder for everyone! ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Please add me
@bubblegumPuppy68 Hey :) How are you? Its nice to see you. I'm afraid I can't add anyone's to the tag list I think you have to do it here - https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaSupport_60/TraumaSupportCommunityTeamEvents_2333/TraumaSupportAutomatedTaglist_219256/
All you have to do is reply Please add me and they should add you when they update the list. If I do another check in I will definitely try to remember to add you to it myself before I post :)
@mytwistedsoul
Aw thanks so much for the checkin!
Things are rough atm, but hopefully *crosses fingers* things are on the up and up soon. <3
-Shape :) <3
@ShapeshiftSystem Hello to you all! Thank you so much for stopping in!
I'm sorry to hear that things are rough right now. If there's anything you'd like to talk about, you're welcome to share here. Of course, there's absolutely no pressure. I hope things are on the up and up for you all too. I shall cross my fingers as well.
Please feel free to stop by again anytime. Our door is always open.
Please take good care of yourself! Sending you good thoughts!
@mytwistedsoul I am doing okay today and thanks for asking. The fire looks so inviting!
@adventurousBranch3786 Hello and welcome! It's nice to see you!
It's good to hear that you're doing okay today. It's a good day for a campfire, isn't it? At least here anyway. I hope you'll feel free to stop in again if you'd like to or need to. The door here is always open to everyone.
I hope that tomorrow is good to you. Please take good care of yourself!
@mytwistedsoul, just going to pull up a chair and sit for a little while
@crimsonLime6525 Hello Lime! Of course, pull up a chair and sit a spell as they say. It is wonderful to see you here today! I can honestly say that you've made my evening by stopping in here. Thank you! ❤ You have been in my thoughts. No pressure to answer of course, but how are you?
Thank you for stopping in! I hope you take good care of yourself.
@mytwistedsoul
I am glad to see you again, and that you for all the great support you provide. I have not got any information on my trip out of state as yet. I am beginning to not want to go it is so old there and I am easy to get sick.
@scarletPear1945 Hello! I'm happy to see you here too! I must admit, aside from wanting to offer support to others, I had another motive behind this and I'm hoping that this will help break the constant urge to isolate. I hope it's not too terrible to admit that.
It's getting cold here too, so I can understand your hesitancy to go, especially if you get sick easily. I would imagine too there is a lot of mixed emotions with going and it probably is pretty stressful as well. Maybe you could honor her memory at home? Something just for you and her? Perhaps when spring returns and the weather get warmer you could go pay your respects. These are just suggestions of course, you need to do what feels right to you. We support you no matter what!
I know you have a very full plate right now, so please take extra special care of yourself.
I am trying so hard to be okay. But I'm having so many nightmares/memories and sometimes I don't know what real or not. I feel so dirty. I think part of it is because one of my best friends is pregnant with one of my sexual assailant
@RobinGirl0706 Hey - welcome :)
I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with so much. It makes sense that your best friends pregnancy would trigger the nightmares and memories. It would be a constant reminder of what happened to you. You'd want to be supportive because she's your best friend but at the same time it would be so hard. Is there someone you can talk to? Or maybe think about a therapist - if you don't allready have one? It takes alot of strength and courage to reach out - even here where it's anonymous. I'm glad you did :) sometimes the only thing we can do is try but its ok to need some help too - you don't have to go through this alone
Be gentle with yourself ❤
I really want to tell her about him, but I'm scared she'll think I'm a liar and not want to be friends with me. I don't know what to do. I know I should tell her and I feel horrible for waiting so long. But I know she's stuck with being with him or being with her abusive family. So I don't know how to break it to her
@RobinGirl0706 Hey * offers you a safe hug* no pressure though ok?
You didn't ask for what happened to you and it says alot that despite everything you're dealing with - you're concerned about your friend too. This isn't something that you automatically know how to handle - you did the best you knew how to do at the time. And yeah she might get upset with you but I think that it's something that she should know because he did it to you - he could do it again to someone else. I think that's something she should know especially with her being pregnant. Is there someone you both know that knows what you went through? Someone that would be supportive but also be kind of a mediator? Do you think that would help you break the news to her easier? I wish I had some better advice to offer you
Be gentle with yourself
My other brother was assaulted by him too and has metentioned it before. My assault just denied it ever happened. Which hurt because it means it wasn't anything to him. Didn't acknowledge the pain he's put us through. So my biggest worry is that she'll tell him after I tell her. Then she'll be hurt or forced to not talk to me. My assault is one of my siblings and what if I don't get to be apart of the child's life due to this? At this point I know what I need to do. But he's been pretending for so long not to be that pervert I sometimes question my self.
@RobinGirl0706 Unfortunately most people who abuse and assault others are really good at hiding their real selves from everyone. They're very good at lying and denying things ever happened and it does make us question ourselves. Many times they show themselves to be upstanding members in the community - they're personable and friendly - that's why they get away with it for so long. You and your brother know other wise with this person. There is a good chance that she will confront him about this and I can understand your concern for her - but how could she not say anything to him? Especially when she's carrying his child - because the baby figures into this too and what's best for him or her. Maybe you and your brother could can vouch for one another because you both know the truth and you could warn her to be careful when or if she confronts him for her and the baby's safety. I am so sorry you're facing all these hard decisions on top of everything you've gone through ❤️
You'll be in my thoughts and I am sending you strength
Thank you so much for your support and letting me voice my concerns and troubles. It's been a lot and I don't talk about it. No body really knows about what happened to me as it is very hard for me to voice out loud. So I really appreciate all of you. Thank you.
In this last month I've endured more than I've had in some years. Living with complex-PTSD is something I'm used to and unfortunately have had to learn to live with for most my life. The thing I never want to expect is to live with more trauma. I was brutally raped a few weeks ago and since then it's all come back. I'm back to being the terrified and tormented minuscule person I've had to fight to not be so many times. I can no longer sleep alone, Im having panic attacks and episodes and I've had to go back on anti-anxiety medication. My best friend is in the ICU fighting for her life and I feel like I'm drowning in grief and loss. I'm sad I'm hurt and I miss the other loved ones I've lost this past year. I feel like I'm losing myself
@Pinkdahalia Hey :) Welcome
I'm so sorry for what happened to you and what you've been through. Unfortunately c-ptsd is something that affects so many aspects of life and it never seems to fully go away. We learn to manage - to cope but it can be triggered so easily at times. The severity of what you went through a few weeks ago - I can understand why it's reared it's head again. Is there someone you can talk to about all these things you're going through right now? Or you could think about a therapist - which I know how scary it can be to reach out to a professional but they can help you with the recent trauma you've received and help you with the grief and loss you're dealing with and help you find yourself again
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend and I hope that they'll be ok - I'm sending strength and hope for you and your friend. Please know that you're not alone - there are many here who understand what you're going through right now and we're here to support you as best we can ❤️
Take care and be gentle with yourself
Hi!….. thanks so much for caring to do this. ❤️
Reminders of past hurts are hitting me in the face right now and the “safe” place I thought I worked doesn’t feel so safe anymore 😕
@placidAvocado2692 Hey :) It's really nice to see you here!
It can be really hard when things pop up and remind us of past hurts. It's especially hard when it involves something we had thought was safe. There are so many different things that can trigger these memories. People - places - things - even scents and feelings. It can make it so hard some days. It can help if we can identify what triggered us but many times we can't and that's ok too. It helps to talk about these things - often talking about things can help us figure out what caused the trigger and talking can also help us cope with them. Once we know what caused it we can work towards treating it. Sometimes we try to avoid the triggers but that can make life hard too because we miss opportunities and avoidance can actually cause more anxiety and depression. It helps if we can find a bunch of ways to help us through these times. Do you have tools to help you through these moments? I've found that slow - deep breathing is something we can do at anytime - anywhere. I do this one alot myself :) I use the numbers 4-2-6. In through your nose for four counts - hold for two - and exhale for six. It activates a part of your nervous system that helps keep the body calm. Grounding can help too. Reminding yourself that you're safe can also help. If what you went through is at where you work - would you be able to find other employment? Have you ever given any thought to a self defense class? Sometimes community centers offer these courses for a low cost and it can be so empowering. Of course these are just suggestions and there's absolutely no pressure for any of them
Be patient with yourself - we don't just get over these things - it takes time
Remember we're allways here for you if you need to talk ❤️ *leaving a safe hug for you* No pressure though :)
Thank you for making this thread! I'm rather shy about making posts...heh.
I can't say I've been good... Just feeling anxious these past few days. My son was taken from my home after I called the cops on my alcoholic partner(ex?) for getting beligerent and breaking down doors.
In the past, he has gotten physical and almost killed me by choking me out until my vision started going black...
I left him the first time, and he begged me to come back and that he'll quit drinking, but after a few months, he became drunk and beligerent again. So, I called the cops and locked my son and myself in the room while we waited for the cops.
CPS stated that they felt I can't keep my son safe due to the pattern of going back to abuser so...He is in temporary custody with partner/ex's sister. She has not been treating my son well and it pains me. She and her husband pin son down while he cries(he's a toddler) to punish him. Partner/ex tried to raise concern with CPS in regards to what his sister and BIL are doing, but they waived it off and said if we have a problem, then our son could end up in a foster home...we have to bite our tongue for now..
I've been working on what CPS required me to do in terms of getting my son back. It's just a slow process since CPS is short-staffed. It's frustrating. All of the CPS case aides who supervise the visit tell me I'm doing fine/great as a mother and not to worry but I can't stop worrying. All I have to do is make sure house is baby safe and complete my individual counseling (the referral from CPS took FORVER to get in, it's been nearly 4 months of nothing happening).
I cry most nights and feel guilty if I have a good day, because my son is feeling isolated and sad.
The only time he's happy now is while he's in daycare. The daycare lady loves him and treats him as her own grandchild. I love how well she takes care of him. Luckily, son is in daycare for the majority of the time, so he doesn't have to deal with his crappy aunt and crappy uncle...
As for partner/ex....He has a referral to go to rehab to get clean. He's been sober these past 4 months too but...
I'm trying to make this relationship work, but I can't help but feel resentment for how he has treated me in the past and how he's treating me now, blaming me for our son getting taking away because I didn't want partner/ex to physically hurt me or kill me...
I'm thinking of getting an order of protection against partner/ex, I just need to talk to the CPS case manager for help on that. It's already filled out, but I need them to look it over and OK it...
I feel pity for my partner, because he grew up in a domestic violence home, but he didn't break the cycle. I try to be a good partner to him, but it feels one-sided...like he's using me to use my car and use my apartment. He hasn't helped me at all with any bills for nearly a year now. I was the breadwinner of the family, and paid for nearly everything while he used to waste it away on alcohol, weed, and whatever else. He only pays groceries at the moment and offered to help, but when I allows him to help, he rubs it in my face that he does EVERYTHING when he does not.
My heart hurts and I want my son back.
My partner/ex is good towards our son, but terrible towards me and very co-dependent. He treats me as a mother/maid sometimes.
I'm not sure I can go into a relationship after officially breaking up with him...he's also very jealous and doesn't want to break up because he fears I'll immediately jump in another man's arms. I feel done with relationships for a while. I just want to make sure my son has a good male role model, and I feel I failed him.
I guess...overall, I shouldn't worry since CPS tells me I'm on the right track, but it's taking forever to get the little one back home that my heart aches.
@ImpudentIncognito Hey :) Welcome! It's ok to be shy - it takes alot of courage to reach out and talk about things. You did great here! ❤️
I can understand your anxiety - there is so much at stake here. We're all human and we often believe in second chances - sometimes people take advantage of those second chances but it doesn't mean we've failed in anyway - they're learning experiences. I can really understand why you feel resentment towards him. It sounds like he might be projecting his own feelings of guilt onto you - when it was his behavior that brought it all about. I'm so sorry for everything you and your son are going through right now and I think you're right with thinking about an order of protection - and it doesn't mean it has to stand for forever - but for now it would help keep you and your son safe - at least until your partner would prove that he's genuinely working on his sobriety and his past. Hopefully rehab will help him with everything he needs to work on. It's ok to feel bad for him but we can only help those who want to help themselves. He can still have a relationship with his son even if you're not together. I know sometimes people try to stay together for the kids sake but believe me - kids notice anyway and you have to do what's best for both you and your son
It's ok to have good days - I know sometimes it can feel like we're betraying someone when we do but those happy moments are what helps keep us going and I'm sure your son would want you to have those good moments too :)
I can understand waiting to start a new relationship - for all the reasons you said and more. You'll need to heal from this as well - because going into another relationship before you heal would most likely bring the past with it. From the way I see it - I don't think you've failed - you've stumbled but you've learned too and you're showing your son what not to put up with in a relationship and you're showing him how you can rise above it and that is something to be proud of ❤️
I'm sending you strength today. I know it's hard but try to be patient. Every day is another step closer to getting your little guy back home with you where he belongs
*leaving you a safe gentle hug if you'd like one* no pressure though ok? I hope you'll keep us posted on how things are going
Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts