My anger is ruining my marriage

@monkeywrench091 I’m sorry you’re suffering the results of your anger. For depression I would suggest you look at Dr. David Burns book, Feeling Good. For your relationship you might benefit from his book, Feeling Good Together. Mindfulness practices can be really helpful with anger. You may want to look into insight meditation and meta meditation. If you can afford a therapist that may be helpful as well.

@monkeywrench091. I highly recommend an anger management course.  This really helped my husband and I in the past.  And might I suggest a sport like boxing or martial arts.  That's physical and it helps a lot with anger and anxiety.

hey man coming from a son with anger issues of a father with anger issues we just got into a fist fight and both got an assault charge because of our anger so i get how hard it is to control it. anger comes from anxiety in your head and being on edge all the time from everything going on your life. if you try to change your perspective and realize it all isn’t that bad you’ll be a little happier and you’ll get along with people more. some things i wish my dad would’ve done would be if he would listen to me and consider if what im saying could be true or a good response going from what he known or been told instead of going straight to it being wrong. just try to hear people out a little more and be a little more considerate of there feelings. and if they *** you off which i’m sure there not perfect either nobody is just try to let it go thinking of the bad outcome that comes after it me and you both come from angry family’s and it’s all we’ve known it’s a cycle and it takes us to try to get better not only for other people but for the sake of ourselves so we don’t self sabotage and ruin everything good we have

It's a very though position to be in. But just because you got here and posted about it shows you crave for a change, and that's a good start.

I have been dealing with the same, the only difference is that I am the wife. My husband had depression and anxiety, which led to many other things to go bad, and he was just angry at anything and everything.

If you want to talk to someone who experienced the same, I am a listener here and would love to see if I can help.

My wife isn’t going to let me back anytime soon. Life is hard right now. She is tired of the empty promises from years pasts because there was many times I told her I would change but she doesn’t believe me on that. I didn’t her wrong by going through her smart watch because I had a feeling and she was talking to a coworker about things and they were flirting. She tells me it was nothing and it just started and that she isn’t going to move on that quick. I don’t know what to believe. I feel like I have already lost my wife and having that happen is causing me so much pain. I will do anything to get her back. Making the change this time needs to be permanent for my wife and kids. I don’t want them to grow up in a broken home but I want them to feel safe with me and my wife.

@monkeywrench091 trying to respond getting API error

I acknowledge your courage to post. I hear your fears of the consequences of your actions and your feeling of lack of control.  It’s not all your fault.  I think we are all doing the best that we can as we learned (sometimes poor) coping mechanisms while growing in this world.  

 Your wife is hurting too.  Just be honest with her that you are still trying to overcome an ingrained response which will take trials and errors and time, and love and understanding.

I wish you Peace.   

What i tried to post earlier is that our body’s going into fight flight mode (sympathetic nervous system) is a learned response that can be retrained. By daily practice triggering the parasympathetic system.  I joined an app for guided meditation , practice 10 minutes daily.  Also learned to notice when my nerves were flaring and to interrupt it by removing myself from situation…walk away, do calming breathing.  The body can learn to make this easier with more practice.  

Hello there. I don't post much, but I randomly read your thread, and something unusual caught my eye on it.

There is one thing that always frightens me in this kind of thread, and that is the fact it, more often than not, includes a lot of people throwing all kinds of advice at the original poster. Like in private converstions with listeners, it is never too much to recall a sort of rule we (used to?) have around here - "We can't give out advice, because only you are an expert on yourself". Instead, let me give you something pretty big to think about.

Do you love your wife? And, perhaps even more importantly, do you love your children? I genuinely hope the answer is a positive one, and in such a case you owe it to them to the best you can. However, your problem is not a simple one - you've mentioned anger, but there's also depression, anxiety, etc, for a very long time. You've mentioned you played videogames before, I'm sure you're familiar with a monster called an hydra, which, according to the greek myths, when you cut one of its heads, two others grow in its place.

In a similar way, that is potentially what is happening here. There is certainly a root cause behind all that is happening to you, specially if you even mentioned that, and I quote, you "grew up with my dad constantly degrading my stepmom and mom and then he would go into rages and punch and throw things."

Now, we could all try to combat this head by head, but each time one of us cuts one of them, chances are that two others will grow up in that location, and that would do you a very big disservice. Instead, what I can tell you to do is... looking up for professional help. Why? Because they can assess some aspects of your behavior live, can explore other aspects of your behavior with you, may be able to suggest some medication if needed, etc. That's what I can tell you - a live professional is best suited for complex cases like yours, and I hope you can consider that option, at least for the sake of your kids and their future, okay?