How to stop taking things too personally
When we are taking something that is said in a conversation too personally, we probably do not respond in the best way possible, but more in an emotional state. We might get very defensive, sad, angry, freeze or even just run away.
Another bad thing about taking things too personally is that we will go over and over what was said in our minds. We might torture ourselves by asking the same questions again and again:
“How could they…?”
“Why did I not …?”
This kind of rumination is not very helpful and can leave us feeling stuck.
Here are some steps which can be helpful to avoid taking things too personally and stop the rumination:
Acknowledge that you’re ruminating - “this thought is just focusing on what makes me miserable”
Distract yourself temporarily and do something different. You might go outside to have a change of scenery, call someone, or use positive self talk to calm and empower yourself
Explore the reasons why what was said triggered you. It might be something that you were told repeatedly as a child and stuck with you into adulthood as a negative core belief, which demands attention.
Acknowledge that you’ve been triggered because of a negative core belief if that was the case and take care of it.
or
Consider that the other person might have been triggered and their reaction has nothing to do with you.
Retell inside your mind the whole situation as if you were talking to a trusted friend who can listen objectively and give you their point of view.
Rethink your boundaries. Are they set in a way that protects you or are they too loose or unenforced? Do they help others to realize the limits you set?
When have you found yourself trapped in habitual patterns that result in taking things too personally? What would you like to change about your behavior patterns?
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@amiablePeace77
A great topic to talk about and good tips, thanks for sharing, Ami. ❤
I don't take things personally too often (or more or less I'm sometimes able to assess how personally should i take something, considering the different factors involved ~ people, situation, the unforeseen events, the *present*), I guess with time you just get more resilient on this front lol, but ooof ofcourse gotta acknowledge the "human" in us and allow ourselves to feel as we do, it's not necessarily all bad to take things personally or "to heart", sometimes it just means we care deep enough and so it does bother and it's completely valid. However yes, any of this doesn't usually help us and if not anything else, it makes us feel even worse, that's where I like to draw an intervention and take my time to acknowledge, accept and slowly move past things, and decide for a future course of action (in terms of boundary setting) It's definitely not an "always able to manage" thing, but we learning and growing. ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Taking your time to acknowledge, accept and slowly move past things, and decide for a future course of action (in terms of boundary setting) is a great way to go!
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
I love your answer.❤️
@scarletPear1945
Really glad to hear that, Pear, thankyouu for replying. ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou my husband of many years passed last year and just before he did we had an "exchange" which was an long time problem when he (who was skin and bones always) criticized my weight (again) and I finally "had enough" as I have not lost weight as I always used to due to stress with life and which I "overcame" stress-wise, and everyone (except him) recognized that peculiarity of me. So this time I just took a big breath and told him quietly that I would not stand for any remarks about my weight when I never criticized his "skeleton appearance"....that's all. it ended our conversation and he never said another nasty remark. I find that my dtr and husband are now going thru the same thing and I told her the above. Was I wrong to tell her to reply like I did (I always stay out of their "Problems" but this one hit home with me).
@geribear I am sorry that the last words were not kind and gentle ones. Sometimes people do not let go of things even when they are dying. That is sad.
@soulsings It happens.
People hold on to things far to long in my opinion.
Let things go.
Any disagreements let it go.
@geribear So sorry for your loss.
I truly am.
Very helpful methods to think about and use when we feel offended
Thank you
I'm glad that i read this as it was something much needed for me at this point of time.
@amiablePeace77 When have you found yourself trapped in habitual patterns that result in taking things too personally? When I see everything as if I am the center of the universe.
What would you like to change about your behavior patterns? See other people and what they are going through and not always be thinking of my own interests only.
@soulsings
I hear you. When I look at other people's suffering particularly in the news it puts my own suffering in a different perspective.
@amiablePeace77 yes and when I focus on my self I can rarely do anything to make me happier. Somehow I have more ability to reduce others suffering.
Agree that usually when people are taking things personally, usually, the person usually does feel that "things" are about them. This isore self-absorbed thinking. So often, things involve other people, how things may have been just happening for them, or about anything in life. It's not just always about the person, even if they continue to think that is so. Life is big, with lots going on for everyone. None is the center of the attention for things. It can sometimes be insecurity they may be feeling, a general sense of self ble from their past, or any # of things. But most people in life are not focused on a person, even if that person thinks in that manner. Usually people have much else on their minds that are important to them at the time.
@OverlyStresed sometimes when I take things personally, I totally invent a scenario and try to mind read what the other person is thinking and I am so far off base.
@OverlyStresed Thanks for sharing your thoughts, with us.
I really enjoyed reading your reply.
You did a nice job on this.
Thanks for sharing your time, with us and for taking the time, to write this.
@soulsings Thanks for sharing.
I loved your answers and loved reading your reply.
You did a beautiful job.
Thanks for this. It came just when I needed it. Reminded me of the AWARE technique - acknowledge. Work ( do stuff to keep things ticking over). And then implement things to put you in a better place. A helpful reminder. Thanks.
@amiablePeace77
When have you found yourself trapped in habitual patterns that result in taking things too personally? What would you like to change about your behavior patterns?
OMG, This question steps all on my toes. I am very sensitive and yes, I do take everything personally. I get wounded very easily and I wish I did not. I try hard to let things roll off my back but most times I fail.
I would like to be tough and less attuned to other people's thoughts or ideas..
@scarletPear1945 Thanks for your reply.
I enjoyed reading this.
@Happy900
Thank you, that encourages me ❤️😊. Especially when I am struggling because I usually shut down.
@scarletPear1945 always good to see you on the forums.
@soulsingsI
appreciate you, and it is amazing that I watch many of you and how you just keep going even through your own life issues and I really thought you all were carefree 🤷♀️You all have good attitudes and don't let the ish.. show.
@scarletPear1945 it must be difficult.
It is difficult for me too. I just have to be strong some days and go on. Sometimes I can see it as a gift.
I was born into a religious cult they hurt lots of people and children born into the cult were slaves they were not nice people. One of my carers set me up on this site to help me with talking I have become a lot more confident and I have made friends here. But yesterday in the member room I found out one man I talk to joined a cult and hurt people. I got scared I thought I was safe here know I'm not sure what to do
@Lilpinksheep I am sorry you lived through those trying times. I am glad you are here in the community. I spend more time in the guided Topic discussion rooms where things are moderated and on topic. The schedule is here https://www.7cups.com/forum/50OverCommunity_193/TeamToolsandTeamUpdates_1705/50plusDiscussionsScheduleandTopics_207920/
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If you want a suggestion to improve your anonymity, you could change your avatar to a generic or anime character and then you are more anonymous that way.
Hope you get the support you are looking for.
Such a great topic for me because In my current relationship it's a big problem we both take things to personally or hear things in a way that are not meant causes so much turmoil hard feelings and fights everyday I take things to personally it seems to be with people I'm close with I act out in anger and verbal abuse I would love to be able to stop doing it just let things be look at it differently or be able to cope before the out burst
@diamondintheROUGH2022 I hear you. I think we all suffer from taking things too personally. For me the first step has been to watch my thoughts as they come up and recognize the warning signs of expressing anger or other harmful emotions. Then over time I can start examining my thoughts more closely and move away from dangerous situations.
