Hey, I'm a Certified Counselor, ask me anything you'd like to
I had already posted this message in other places on this thread. But since I'm seeing new messages and questions coming in- I'm posting the same message below again.
Dear all, its been a wonderful experience interacting with a lot of people across the world in our 7cups community through this thread which has now been running over two years. I regret to inform that I won't be able to respond to the posts here, going forward. I'm unable to dedicate adequate time to be able to do this and hence I request everyone's understanding. Warmth and strength to one and all !!
For all those who are seeking support- 7cups have multiple group support forums and one to one listening services.Also there are self help articles and resources available free on the website. Please do check them out if you'd like to. Big hugs to all!
If a family member is chronically suicidal and often says they can't make it much longer and another family member attempts suicide how does that affect the other family members? Could that cause cPTSD? After the depressed person feels better how long before the other family member recovers from the stress of the worry?
@HappyDucky8 I wish mental health was that simple. It definitely can be quite traumatic, how much it affects each person obviously differs. PTSD is a diagnosed disorder, and human minds don't necessarily work with fixed time frames. I'd say- try and ensure support to the family- they would really need it.
@SarahGeorgeDCS
i wish I could
@HappyDucky8 Hmm, sending you lots of warmth and strength!! Take care of yourself too!!!
The man I'm deeply in love with, wanted to space because he wants us to be just friends .. he wants us to be ready for that reality but I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that reality. Him & I discussed everything .. every big & little thing. I looked forward to the future with him && now reality is 'my' future with him is going to be with another woman. How do I let him go? How do I really move on? How do I stop the crying?
@Sadsoul5432 I understand this has been really tough for you. But like I was sharing before, I wouldn't be able to get to therapeutic advice here, this being a public space. There are limitations for me to get into details here. Suggest you to reach out for individual support work through this phase. There are a whole lot of resources available for online and telephonic therapy even in this virus situation. Also, 7cups have listeners who do voluntary support, there are relationship support forums if therapy doesnt seem workable for you now. Take good care of yourself.
@Sadsoul5432 *to work through this phase ( sorry about the typo)
I'm confused by myself lately. I recently talked about my childhood with my girlfriend. She told me that things that I never questioned before are way more messed up than I thought. I already knew that I have trauma, but that was unrelated to what I brought up with her in that conversation. Now I can't tell if I repressed these things and just have unresolved trauma that I didn't even know I had (in addition to what I already had). After talking about that I started acting all weird. I don't want to talk to any of my friends and they're all saying that they're worried about me. But it's not like they could come see me either with all of this coronavirus stuff. So now I'm just isolating myself and suddenly... don't really care about anything? I've been numb before to a dangerous extent, but right now is different. I can't even explain how. I don't know what happened to me and I don't know how to get out of it. I just feel like a lifeless blob. How even do I solve my pre existing trauma? How do I handle or look at these new possible things? Are they even traumatic at all? How do I get out of this rut? I can tell when I'm down- I can be self aware about my mental state a lot of the time. Thing is, I don't always know how to escape it.
One other thing is my relationship with my mom. It is the most complicated and upsetting thing to me. To describe my situation briefly, she cares just enough that she loves me and wants the best for me in her own way, but not enough to realize when she's only making things worse and gaslighting me. The problem now is this: I don't know how to act towards her. She's my mom after all and I respect her for that. But after I came out to her, I spent literal months being scared to be in the same room with her and I still don't talk to her other than casual conversation in passing. I don't know if I should try again to open up to her because part of me feels so broken by her that I don't know if I could handle her anger and dissapointment in me. I'm not as scared as I was a couple months ago of her, but should I risk putting my heart on the line again? There was a time in my life that she was my best friend and safe place, but now I can't tell if that was her manipulating my emotions to make me feel like I was always never going to be good enough compared to her and now I don't know if I want that back. Because I don't even know if it was genuine love. I miss her, but I can't tell if I should give her another chance anymore.
@DyingPetals Thank you for sharing your internal struggles in here. Seems like you are probably feeling a little too overwhelmed. Not being able to make sense of a lot of things in hindsight can be really difficult to process. Yours is too specific a situation and I won't be able to get into therapeutic advice here. However, please know that should you need a helping hand to process all of these questions you are seeking answers for, support is available . I'd suggest you to consider taking one to one support. You do not have to do this alone. Sending you lots of warmth and strength.
This is my first time on here, thank you for taking the time to create this forum.
I believe I might have borderline personality disorder. I cannot find any reliable, free test websites. As a student entering college out-of-state, I cannot afford to pay for getting diagnosed or testing. Do you have any recommendations for free sites that can give me accurate or almost-accurate results?
@Luxira Thank you for writing in. There would be a whole lot of online tests and reading material, but if you are looking for a proper diagnosis,it would have to be done by an expert medical professional. I hope you would be able to find one who you can afford.
Hi, I do this awful thing where when I'm sober and something bothers me, I tend to just let it go like it's no big deal and then I'll get drunk, like black out drunk and I'll literally yell at my boyfriend over what bothered me, it's happened quite a few times and it's getting to the point where's he's not being as understanding because I'm hiring him and I feel mentally exhausted because I don't know how to fix it. I was wondering if you could maybe point me in the right direction, like is it anxiety or anger problems and maybe boundaries, I just don't know where to start to be honest.
@SavannahS95 How intoxication works on each person can be different. If it is going to a level, where you are behaving unlike your usual self, and it is starting to negatively affecting your significant relationships, then probably drinking may be something you may want to work on. The good thing is you are aware of your patterns, and you are willing to address it. I cannot get into specific therapeutic advice here. I'd just say- also try to understand what makes you not want to address it when you are sober. Give it some serious thought, and take good care of yourself.
I was just recently fired from my job as a courtesy clerk. I was told the job was " too fast paced " but I wasn't given a specific reason.i even asked for the manager to go into detail but he refused. Should he have given me a specific example? Also what should I do now? I'm currently in college and im a senior.
@linkguy30 I can understand your disappointment faced with this unexpected challenge. You may be feeling that you were treated in an unjustified manner and that can be frustrating and painful. This being a very specific situation, I can't get into therapeutic advice here.The fact that you've reached out probably shows that its affecting you both at an emotional level and from a practical point of view. If you need support to be able to deal with the setback, and in figuring out alternatives to get going forward- seek out one to one support. You are very much capable of getting through this phase. This incident might have made you feel disrespected I suppose. If so, please know that you definitely deserve to be treated with respect - be it in any environment. Sending lots of warmth to you!
What can be done for incurable depression
@HappyDucky8 I'd say if something can't be cured, there are still alternatives to make it less harder for the person going through it. Be it medical support, be it therapy - there's professional help available. Pls reach out to the resources.
Hello there, if this gets a reply from you, i'm reaching out for help and advice.
i'm 23. i have no idea what to do with my life. i know things i want, i made a to do list. i'm good with saving my money and always very careful about what i spend, so i'd know how to get those things. however, my biggest obstacle is not knowing what job i want to do for the rest of my life. i've always been late to mature. i know so. I'm 23 and barely worked in my life. i fear commitment. i fear responsabilities. i don't have my driving license and i feel like this says alot. i don't go out much but that's always been my personality, but now i feel like people my age could go to the cinema or to the big city without freaking out over it because they're used to it, while i'm content jus staying home and doing in-doors activity, or going for a walk not far from my house. i feel like i'm late already at 23, because months passes by so quickly. meeting new people, socializing, scares me. it makes me feel uneasy. not to the point where i won't do it if forced; but i don't WANT to do it you know. it started in january, i never used to feel THIS scared before, then i forced myself to get a 3 months job. figured i should try to easy myself into it. but now i feel scared of everything. what if i try something and i fail. what if i try something and suceed but meaning i have to let go of my confort zone? that's not something i want to do. i'm shy. i wish i had more backbone. but i just don't care. i don't care for debate, or fighting. or conflict. i'm a bit of an hermit. how do i accomodate? how do i handle it? am i not normal?
also, as a counselor, psychologist, do you experience anxiety too? depression?
@nwaveo Thanks for writing in. You've articulated all of the confusion, indifference and indecisiveness you're going through quite well. I won't be able to get into therapeutic advice here, but I can say that your ability to look within and own up can be capitalized on to build better self awareness which will in turn help you work on all of the challenges you are experiencing. You've mentioned that something has changed post January - and this needs to be understood in depth. It is commendable that you've been pushing through in best ways you can, like getting a new job even when you're at a low. Its not at all easy to do and you have managed to do that. Not having clarity of future seems to be making you question yourself a lot. I want you to know that at 23 , it is 'okay' not to know what you want to do the rest of your life. In fact, the confusion in a way is good as you'd explore more to figure out what you like and what you don't - to help you gain a better perspective. I'd answer your question if you are normal from a broader perspective - we are all on a spectrum, and the concept of 'perfectly normal' is kind of a skewed one. But the distress you feel is real, and that definitely needs to be understood in depth and addressed. Take good care of yourself !!
@SarahGeorgeDCS thank you for saying it's normal at my age to not know what to do with my life. with the way society works, i feel like i'm late and everyone is going at it perfectly. i know it's a perception, probably pushed by fear and anxiety. it's always good to hear people tell you you're not what you fear. what you said is interesting, and i'll be taking this with me to try and get better. thank you.
@nwaveo I am 29 and still don't know what I want to do. It stresses me out severely. As for being a hermit. Me too. I accidentally found someone and got married because I connected with friends of friends just via chatting online. I was only comfortable going to one place and I never went to bars. You don't have to go that route. You could always try auditing a class or doing a public group class, but only do that if there's something you actually WANT. It doesn't have to be the answer for your future. Just be interested to do it or don't. Connecting online is comfortable. You could do this to beat anxiety, call like prank calls, call a pizza place and try to order spaghetti. It will make you be more relaxed over time if you are super uncomfortable. Just getting used to calling, and asking for something you know is silly will make it easier until you can call to ask about a job or friend sincerely and won't sweat it, after lots of practice.
@SarahGeorgeDCS Hello, not sure if I can get a reply. What would you say if I struggle to stick to routines and goals I set for myself. I make a decision and then self doubt and undermine myself. I can't tell what I want after doing what I HAVE to do for so long. The things I used to enjoy now feel like a waste of time. I just want to find peace in relaxation and focus on staying home with my baby and being a good mom, but even that feels hard because I feel useless without providing any income. I used to work full time, but I would much rather be home... If only I could make money too that would be even better!
@nwaveo Missed the last part of your question. Speaking for myself yes I do experience anxiety. In fact most people do - its only when it gets in the way of your quality of life, it needs work. I 've had low points in my life too where it did came in way of my daily life and work - and I took a pause to take time out to work on it with some external support. In general, self care is an aspect therapists can't ignore since its a profession where burnout can really get to us.
Why does everyone hate me?
@HappyDucky8 I'm really sorry you feel that way, and I can imagine it really hurts to say that. Please know that you deserve to be loved !! Also, do try to understand how much of it is fact and how much of it is perception/ negative thinking to see how best to address it. If you are feeling you need emotional support to do that, you should know that help is available.
@SarahGeorgeDCS
no one has ever been able to help me. Numerous people say that I am not kind. And worse. I'm misunderstood. I have no friends. Never have and never will.
@HappyDucky8 Hmm, there's so much pain in your words, I can imagine how the difficult past experiences is making you question everything in life. I can't get into therapeutic advice on this forum, but I want you to know that when you are really low, its natural to feel this way. You are definitely capable of making meaningful friendships in future, though right now you feel you won't be able to. If you feel you'd like some professional support to help you through this challenging phase, please seek out - there are options available online and offline that you could consider. Also, you could chat with any of our volunteer listeners or the support forums where you will find that kindness do exist. Sending you lots of warmth and strength.
Hello!
Do you know any ways/coping methods to reduce social anxiety during social interactions?
@Bingo222 Hey in the first page of this same thread, someone had asked a similar question and I've answered, could you check that up pls.
@SarahGeorgeDCS Oh thanks. Sorry I did not see it.