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CLOSED to NEW QUESTIONS AMA Member Questions about Coping With the Holidays Answers by Jennifer Patterson, licensed 7cups Therapist

soulsings December 9th, 2021

Hi everyone!

Welcome to another in a series of monthly events called "The Therapist's Office". Our therapist this month is Jennifer Patterson, a licensed, online Therapist here at 7cups. This is an AMA (Ask me [Jennifer] Anything) thread dedicated to your questions about 7cups online therapy and how you might benefit in coping with particular challenges you face around the holidays. Jennifer is accepting questions in this thread from December 9th to December 15th and will answer questions appropriate to the topics (as outlined above).

Their answers to your questions will follow some time within a week after the thread is started, in this case by the 16th of December. To subscribe, so you can follow this thread and the therapist's answers, either post a question in this thread and/or hit the subscribe button in the upper right to get alerts when new posts are made to this thread.

We welcome your questions, but what type of questions should I ask? We welcome questions about coping skills for the holidays and 7cups online therapy.

Please avoid asking the therapist for specific advice like "should I date this guy after meeting him online?" You may ask the therapist for coping options with the holidays and how difficult those are for you and they can share options that you may want to consider. This is not an advice column. It is more like a place to learn about how online therapists at 7 Cups could help you deal with life and the many challenges it presents, as well as how to cope with special challenges around the holidays.

If you have any customer service-related questions please email mailto:support@7cups.com as they cannot be answered in this thread. Finally, please avoid questions about medication and drugs as these are best suited to be answered by your physician, and anything not normally discussed in 7 Cups forums.

If you have a question about this thread, please feel free to PM me https://www.7cups.com/@soulsings I am subscribed to this thread and eager to hear your questions and the therapist's answers. soulsings

To learn more about Jennifer, check out their profile

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ReadBooks7 December 9th, 2021

Hi, and thank you for this opportunity. I am wondering how the therapy experience works at 7 Cups, specifically:

1. Would I have regularly scheduled appointments for therapy, or would it be more of an as-needed basis? Same therapist, or different ones?

2. Are there certain times I would not be able to reach my therapist?

3. How does payment work? Is the online payment secure? I guess what makes me nervous is having so many people from all over the world on one platform, and I wonder if there would be any associated security risks re: payment.

4. Can a therapist here help me narrow down diagnoses? I have a few and suspect one or two more.

Thank you so much!

6 replies
JenniferPattersonLMFT December 10th, 2021

@Help127

Hello and thanks for your questions. I will answer them as best as I can, answers below in purple:

1. Would I have regularly scheduled appointments for therapy, or would it be more of an as-needed basis? Same therapist, or different ones?

As of right now, therapy is message-based only, so there are no set appointments. It's like exchanging a journal with your therapist or writing emails back and forth. Some therapists might do live chats, but not everyone finds this to be effective because sometimes it just moves too fast. Therapists check messages 1-2 per day, 5 days a week, usually Monday-Friday.

2. Are there certain times I would not be able to reach my therapist?

This depends on the therapist's schedule. For example, I live in Portugal and I am in a different time zone than a lot of my clients, so we are rarely online at the same time, and sometimes they're asleep when I respond to their messages. But it seems to work!

3. How does payment work? Is the online payment secure? I guess what makes me nervous is having so many people from all over the world on one platform, and I wonder if there would be any associated security risks re: payment.

Unfortunately, I can't answer questions about payment. I recommend that you reach out to support@7cups.com.

4. Can a therapist here help me narrow down diagnoses? I have a few and suspect one or two more.

A therapist can definitely talk to you about diagnoses and their definitions and how sometimes there is some overlap and it can be difficult to tease out which one fits your context best. For some people, a diagnosis helps them to have a bit more understanding about what is going on for them, and for some people a diagnosis is actually something that makes things feel heavier, so it's good to talk about it from a lot of different angles and have it be a collaborative process.


1 reply
ReadBooks7 December 10th, 2021

@JenniferPattersonLMFTATRBC thank you for your thoughtful and thorough responses! I appreciate.

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RarelyCharlie December 10th, 2021

@Help127

3. Although I don't know for sure, I believe payment is not handled by 7 Cups itself. It is handled instead by a specialist company called Stripe, which provides secure payments for many websites globally. So I would say the online payment is definitely secure.

Online therapy itself is secured by 7 Cups to the standards required by US law (known as HIPAA), according to the information here.

Charlie

1 reply
ReadBooks7 December 11th, 2021

@RarelyCharlie thank you!

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LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS December 11th, 2021

@Help127


Thank you for getting involved! :) Payment is taken using a secure process online so you can be reassured that payment is taken safely and securely. Any other payment related questions can be sent to support@7cups.com


Feeling better starts with a single message. Check out my profile and reviews.
1 reply
ReadBooks7 December 11th, 2021

@LisaMeighanMBPsS thank you!

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NG2 December 9th, 2021

I had my worst depression and anxiety during the holidays 3-4 years ago. How can I make sure I don't feel that way again?


Thank you for doing this!


NG2

4 replies
JenniferPattersonLMFT December 10th, 2021

@NG2

Hello and thank you for reaching out! The holidays can be hard and triggering for people for a variety of different reasons. One thing to think about is did you have any stressful or traumatic things happen when you experienced that bad depression and anxiety in the past? I find that context is really important when we are thinking about what happened and what we experienced and how it impacted our response and ability to manage things. And it's a good way to understand what our possible triggers might be and to customize our coping skills and how we reach out to our support network.

"How can I make sure I don't feel that way again?"
Oof, to be honest, this question is a big one. I don't believe that there is a single way to guarantee that things don't come up again, and sometimes they might come up again but in a different way. But there's usually a core piece that is the connection. One key thing you can do is to learn to connect to what you're feeling and what you do with the feelings when they come up. Copings skills and support are important, but this can mean different things for different people. I'm a big fan of using creativity as a coping skill and grounding tool, and this can be coloring, doodling, crafts, knitting, cooking, writing, and music just to name a few. Pets are also super supports, and if you are a pet person, maybe take some time to think about how your pet responds to you when you aren't feeling great and listen to them as they can be much more grounded and wise than we are.

Want more personalized guidance? Check out my profile.
3 replies
NG2 December 10th, 2021

@JenniferPattersonLMFTATRBC


Customizing my coping skills might be good for me.


I'm sorry, I know it's a loaded question that's why I asked it. Writing and music would work for me.


Thank you again.



2 replies
JenniferPattersonLMFT December 13th, 2021

@NG2

You're welcome! Sometimes we forget that coping skills and self-care are supposed to be customized and it's okay and super normal that something that works for one person may not work for you. I think sometimes all of those "helpful" blogs and vlogs and social media tips and tricks are curated lists and that mental health care is a lot of trial and error to find the right mix.

1 reply
NG2 December 13th, 2021

@JenniferPattersonLMFTATRBC It's trial and error and hit and miss, while working with a therapist to find the best mix for me? That makes sense.


Thank you Jennifer,


NG2



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amiablePeace77 December 10th, 2021

@soulsings

Many people suffer from Holiday Blues and find it hard to be on their own during that time but have no other options than to stay by themselves. What is something they could do to help themselves?

4 replies
JenniferPattersonLMFT December 10th, 2021

@amiablePeace77

"Many people suffer from Holiday Blues and find it hard to be on their own during that time but have no other options than to stay by themselves. What is something they could do to help themselves?"

You're right, the Holiday Blues can be a really big thing for people, and I think that a lot really depends on what their specific triggers and responses are. Maybe one thing that people could do is to redefine The Holidays to suit where they are at in their lives and what they need. I think that there is a lot of pressure this time of year for it to have Meaning and for people to Be Happy, but not everyone experiences these things in the same way. I find so much value in context, and sometimes the larger cultural context and expectations don't connect with who we are, and sometimes we can internalize that and it might turn into feelings of shame and that there is something wrong with us. And that's just not true. We don't all have to do things the same way, and it's okay to not like the holidays or not think it is Special or A Magical Time. I don't particularly love the holidays, and I'm not Christian, so it all gets a little overwhelming for me, so I usually try to go on some sort of trip. I know that's not always an option for people, so the range of coping skills, which is also pretty person-specific, is important to access. Creativity, projects, movie marathons, trying new recipes, connecting with community whether it is in person or online are all good things to keep you present and connected. And trying to avoid peak shopping times if you need to go run errands. And to just breathe through all the random people saying "Happy Holidays!" in an overly cheerful way (and to give yourself permission to find that annoying). And to find a way to honor and value yourself (which is a good thing to work on all year round!) no matter how you are feeling.

I hope this is helpful!

Want more personalized guidance? Check out my profile.
3 replies
amiablePeace77 December 10th, 2021

@JenniferPattersonLMFTATRBC

Thank you for that helpful response. I believe you're so right about "People could redefine The Holidays to suit where they are" or also just seeing them as a time to do more self care.

Helgafy December 12th, 2021

@JenniferPattersonLMFTATRBC

What a wonderful and wise answer Jennifer.

Thank you so much.

From Helga.

1 reply
JenniferPattersonLMFT December 13th, 2021

@Helgafy

Thank you so much!

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amiablePeace77 December 10th, 2021

I have another question.

How difficult is it for an online therapist to arrive at a diagnosis, such as Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder, with a member in therapy?

2 replies
JenniferPattersonLMFT December 13th, 2021

@amiablePeace77

Excellent question! First, I think it's important to understand why a diagnosis is being discussed. Is it for medical purposes, does a psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner need to be consulted or involved, is it to satisfy curiosity, and what is the investment in a diagnostic label - does it help a person feel like they can understand what they are experiencing better, or does it add stress and create internalized shame or stigma?

After we sort through all of that, the second thing is to get an understanding of not just a person's presenting concerns, but also their family history as well as personal and family trauma history. There can be a lot of intergenerational patterns that can impact how we move through our world.

Then maybe we talk about possible diagnoses, but also about the fact that a lot of them have overlapping symptoms, and that it is a bit of a subjective process, and that the DSM isn't really the most multicultural book that's ever been written. There are a lot of flaws in it and that is important to keep in mind.

I definitely think that it's harder to diagnose when you aren't in the same room with a person, because you miss a lot of verbal and physical cues, but it is possible with a lot of attention to detail and patience with the process.

I have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about the use of the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but that's another thread entirely. 😉





1 reply
amiablePeace77 December 13th, 2021

@JenniferPattersonLMFTATRBC

Thank you very much for taking the time to give such a detailed informative answer.

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ambertryingtobeok December 11th, 2021

How to handle being constantly on the edge at home? When the environment at home is not peaceful at all and I have to listen to lots of abusive stuff? (and witness physical abuse too)

5 replies
JenniferPattersonLMFT December 13th, 2021

@FedUpWithPeople

Hi. It can be really hard to live in that kind of environment. Do you have a safe space in or outside of the home that you can retreat to? I hope that you have a support network that you can reach out to, including the 7cups community.

When you live in a chaotic or disruptive or abusive environment, it is important to know the ways that you can remove yourself either by going into your own room if you have one or to be able to leave the house, at least to go for a walk and get some physical space. If that isn't available at the moment, what are coping skills that are possible? Some things that come to mind are listening to music or podcasts or books with headphones, having some sort of project that you can focus on instead (but be aware that it isn't in a disassociation way, because it's important to stay grounded in your body). If we were working together, I would ask you all sorts of questions about these things and especially how to not hold all of this emotional shrapnel in your own body.

I'm sorry that I can't give you more specific answers and a checklist, but I believe in customizing to each person's individual situation and would need to know more about what you are experiencing. I wish you the best with dealing with this situation, and am very glad that you reached out to ask your question.

4 replies
ambertryingtobeok December 14th, 2021

@JenniferPattersonLMFTATRBC

I try to remove myself as much as possible...Been coping mainly by dissociation- I am dissociated nearly all the time. And I'll try these things.

I am usually scared of doing grounding since that means feeling emotions and breaking down, and I can't let others at home see me like that.

3 replies
JenniferPattersonLMFT December 15th, 2021

@FedUpWithPeople

Grounding can be scary, and so can feeling the feelings. But even though disassociation feels like a helpful coping skill, it does end up being what we call "maladaptive", which is therapy-speak for not so great for you after all. Think about some other things that can serve as coping skills (writing, art-making, coloring, music, reading, walks, breathing techniques, visualizing a happy place or "good" color), and try them in little bits so that it's not too much and you don't get overwhelmed by all the feels. You don't have to feel everything all at once, that's too much for anyone!

And this is all stuff that you can work on with your own therapist if that is something you have access to or the support of a listener or community group here on 7cups.

I wish you the best with this difficult situation, and remember that there are people that you can reach out to.

2 replies
ambertryingtobeok December 15th, 2021

@JenniferPattersonLMFTATRBC

Thank you so much for your help, will try to stay a little less dissociated. It's hard though. Will access some sort of professional health when my situation changes. I have a plan.

1 reply
JenniferPattersonLMFT December 15th, 2021

@FedUpWithPeople

It's good to have a plan. Remember that it's also good to be flexible, and as much as you can, take things one day at a time. And it's ok for it to be hard. That's normal.

Hang in there.

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Skyguy9999 December 11th, 2021

How about dealing with anxiety and loneliness connected to people when it comes to these holidays? There's so much that gets touted on all these holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc) about togetherness, and family togetherness. But what if you don't have that? It just intensifies all the loneliness and lack of connection and so forth, especially if you're going into a shaky situation. Thoughts?

2 replies
Helgafy December 12th, 2021

Hi unknown.

The therapist will for sure answer you later. (I also found her answer earlier to another person about Chr. very fine). But I find your questions very good.

From Helga.

JenniferPattersonLMFT December 13th, 2021

This is a great question. Personally, I really don't like all of the noise around togetherness and idealized families that come with these holidays. There is so much pressure to do things a certain way, and to show up a certain way, and feel a certain way and it doesn't at all take into account that we are all different and move through the world in our own way with our own experiences. And that family looks different for many people, by choice or circumstance, or both. The Holidays can really increase all sorts of internalized thoughts and feelings.

So, I know that I'm a bit of a broken record, but it's really how I work and how I deal with my own Stuff, and how I move through the world. It's so important that we connect to our own context and do our very best to not let our inner critics tell us that just because we aren't ___ we're wrong or bad or broken. How to take care of yourself and create a safe emotional space for yourself can be a hit or miss process and it's a practice... so days it goes well, other days you're a bit of a mess, and some days you don't want to get out of bed. And all of that is okay, because that is all a part of being a complicated human being.

Self-care and coping skills and self-preservation can look like a lot of different things. Some things that are great are creativity (knitting, art-making, coloring, crafts, writing, music), cooking (also creative!), walks/jogging/running, hiking, meditation, yoga, pets, and even just taking a shower. If The Holidays as they are presented to you make you feel bad, then what about creating your own rituals and definitions? Just because the majority culture says it's one thing, why does that have to be true?

I hope this long answer is useful in some way, this is a thing I have Thoughts about. 😊


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lyricalAngel70 December 13th, 2021

How to help a patient with psychotic disorders such as Schizophrenia to encourage seeking professional help or visit a therapist for instance?

4 replies
soulsings OP December 13th, 2021

@lyricalAngel70 that is a difficult question to answer. if they are willing to get professional help, that is the best thing to help them with obtaining it.

If not, often people in that situation may end up hospitalized. You can be with them as a positive support, but a lot depends on what they are willing to do.

Keep in mind that trying to manage someone in crisis can be very demanding on your own resources. Please practice self care.

@soulsings

2 replies
lyricalAngel70 December 13th, 2021

Thank you so much. I will practice self-care.

It is a difficult situation to be in as a person's family member. It is overwhelming especially when someone is reluctant to seek help!
@soulsings

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RarelyCharlie December 17th, 2021

@lyricalAngel70 I am not a therapist, but I know people who have psychotic disorders, so I'll try to respond to your question.

In general, psychosis is managed using medication prescribed by a psychiatrist. It's very unusual for a therapist to be able to help with psychosis. There are a few therapists who do specialize in treating psychosis, but they are very rare.

Some people who suffer from psychosis choose not to take medication because they feel the side effects are worse than the psychosis. This means they refuse professional help, because they know professional help will mean medication. If someone has decided to refuse professional help for this reason, or some similar reason, then there might be nothing you can do to change their mind. However, if their illness makes them a danger to themselves or to others, then there might be legal action you can take to force them to have treatment, depending on the local laws where you are. And you might be able to help them with other issues in their life, which will make it easier for them to manage their psychosis. There are also support groups and so on in some places for people coping with psychosis unmedicated.

For someone who has psychosis and who has never received professional help, it is sometimes possible to offer help for something else that concerns them, simply as a way to get them to see a doctor. For example, if someone is kept awake every night by angry voices they might be willing to see a doctor for help with sleep. Then it is the doctor's responsibility to extend the treatment and relieve the psychosis, if that's possible. This approach is tricky, because you have to be sensitive to the person's own perception of their needs, instead of acting on your perception of them.

I hope these ideas are some help.

Charlie

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soulsings OP December 16th, 2021

Thank you everyone for your questions ! This thread is


CLOSED to NEW QUESTIONS


Thank you Jennifer for your time and answers. Hope everyone has gained some ideas how to cope with the holidays!


2 replies
lyricalAngel70 December 17th, 2021
My question was not answered @soulsings
1 reply
soulsings OP December 18th, 2021

@lyricalAngel70 sorry you feel that way. Lisa addressed that in their post above.

It is not easy helping other people to get help, especially if they are unwilling.

Hope you get someone to help you manage this challenging situation.

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