i feel drained
@navyKiwi1776
It seems like you're really worn out, and studying with the weight of depression is making things feel difficult right now. You mentioned that you can't keep your eyes open - it must be so frustrating to want to get things done but feel like your body and mind just won’t cooperate. It sounds like there's a deep sense of exhaustion, and that might be making everything feel heavier and harder to push through. You're trying to study, but it's clear that the energy for it just isn’t there, which must feel really discouraging. Does this happen often when you try to study, or is today feeling especially difficult?
it has been like this for a long time
@navyKiwi1776
It sounds like this has been a really long and exhausting struggle for you. Dealing with this over an extended period must be incredibly draining, both mentally and physically. It seems like you're not just dealing with the challenge of studying, but also with the weight of how long this has been affecting you. That must feel really tough, like you're stuck in this cycle of exhaustion. How are you managing to cope with it day to day? Please know, you can always reach out to a listener ❤️
I really am grateful for your understanding Izzy. I couldn't break the cycle for years. I thought I was being lazy, but a lazy person would enjoy their laziness and wouldn't even try. I have been trying to manage it by going to bed around 11-12 pm and waking up around 4-5 am. My mind and environment calms down when its night, i still feel tired though. But i forced myself to wake up. The time is still not enough. I have school through the day from 8.40-15.45. Im currently in 11th grade and have to study for university exam. I really feel behind of everyone. I've been on medication both for mental and physical health for 6 days and the nausea and fatigue is killing me. At school I'm constantly on the edge. Especially struggling with speaking exams because of the lack of air I constantly feel
@navyKiwi1776
It really does sound so difficult, it's clear you're trying really hard, even if it doesn’t feel like enough.
You’re definitely not lazy - waking up early and pushing through despite the exhaustion shows just how determined you are. I can imagine how overwhelming it must feel with school, the university exam pressure, and the side effects of your medication. It’s no wonder you're feeling constantly on edge, especially with the added strain during speaking exams. You're doing your best despite everything, and that really stands out.
i could do better...i shouldnt have slept...this thought triggers me. my mind works against me
the way people smile and laugh, make jokes and chat with eachother in the class feels odd to watch. i've been isolating myself for years. it's true that i find being on my own comfortable and could say i'm picky about friends. but i really feel alone, the people in my life were never understanding. parents, siblings, friends. they never notice anything. loneliness wasn't the reason what lead me to depression, but it makes it harder to get out of it. it's just me and my medications
@navyKiwi1776
It seems as though you’re feeling caught in a really tough place, where your mind is pulling you in directions that make everything harder. The thought of "I shouldn't have slept" seems to be weighing heavily on you, making it difficult to focus on anything else. It's really hard when your own mind feels like it's working against you, especially when you're feeling isolated.
Watching others laugh and connect, while you feel alone, must make things feel so distant. It’s understandable that you’ve found comfort in your own space, but even though isolation might feel safe, it sounds like it’s deepening that sense of loneliness, making it harder to navigate your depression.
It's important to remember that what you're going through isn’t your fault, and you don’t deserve to carry this alone. While your medications are one part of managing your mental health, finding someone who could understand or listen to you, (whether they are a therapist, counsellor, or a listener here on 7 Cups) might help lift some of that weight. Please remember, listeners here on 7 Cups are here to listen and support you and we care about you! If you'd like to find a listener, you can do that through this link: https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/
