From Rock Bottom to Here: While I Breathe, I Hope
Life for me has been a series of challenges, hardships, waiting games, and setbacks.
My upbringing was not easy or healthy; I was raised in an unstable environment with this undercurrent of fear and anxiety I didn’t even fully understand. I lived in this fear and anxiety well into my teenage years (when I needed support most, as I am sure many of you can relate to, now or in your past). That’s when everything finally broke down. I lost everything I did have and was displaced in the world.
I had to learn things the hard way. I had to basically learn how to live. There were times when I agonized, “how can I do this? Will I ever make it?”
I was at my lowest. I hit rock bottom, what felt to me like the lowest pit, in the darkest depths—sitting in the proverbial well looking up, seeing the light so far away. It seemed impossible to reach, to get out.
But in the midst of this, something was flickering inside me, some indescribable impulse, some spark of yearning, something saying, “don’t give up.”
There’s a powerful scene in the Sandman series (Neil Gaiman) in which the King of Dreams challenges Lucifer Morningstar to a battle of wits to reacquire a stolen item from one of Lucifer’s minions. The battle requires each combatant to conjure up and embody an idea or entity that overwhelms the opponent in the cosmic stage; for example, when Dream says “I am a world” (meaning planet), Lucifer counters with “I am a nova, planet-killer.” This game of conversational one-upmanship also has physical consequences, as each exchange increasingly injures the combatants. In the last round, when Lucifer embodies “anti-life” (“the dark at the end of everything”) and Dream stands at the edge of defeat (and death), at what seems like the end, he says, “I am hope.”
“What is it that kills hope?” Dream asks; Lucifer accepts defeat.
Hope, in the context of our existence, is the belief that your life has purpose (spoiler alert: every one of us does). Hope is the assertion that life is worth living, even if you haven’t found that purpose yet.
There's a Latin phrase that I keep close to my heart in times of doubt: dum spiro, spero. "While I breathe, I hope." As long as we're alive (breathing), there's always reason for hope.
Whether it’s a loved one who believes in you, faith in a higher power, or that little voice fighting for you, let these forces guide you.
You’ll hit hard times. Pull from that strength and trust that you are stronger than you think. Rarely does anything break that can’t be fixed. I’ve felt like I would break so many times throughout my life, that life itself would break me, but looking back I am more resilient for everything I’ve been through, and I did it hoping that I would one day be exactly where I am now—still here, wiser, and maybe even a little impressed with myself.
There will be darkness, disasters, war, and pain, and it will feel unbearable but it’s not the end.
The beautiful thing about hope is it allows us to dream about the possibilities of a brighter future.
If you’re someone who’s been disappointed and disillusioned by being oversold on the idea of hope of a grand future, you’re not alone. Hope isn’t about waving a magic wand, or just sitting by and wishing. It’s in small steps, identifying and stacking up all the little wins (start with getting out of bed!), and finding things to be grateful for. It’s not glamorous like media might promise, and it shouldn’t be. Hope is something we do.
I am hopeful that no matter what you’re going through, you won’t give up.
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Let's reflect! If comfortable, please answer any of these that resonate with you.
💗 Have you faced similar experiences in your life?
💗 Is there anything you tell yourself or ways you cope with hardship?
💗 Thinking back on a particularly challenging time, what small step did you take that helped keep hope alive?
This is such a well written post. H you have a gift with words. Thank you for sharing your story and for helping us follow the path to see the similarities in our own stories.
A couple of key points stood out for me. I love the question, "what kills hope" <-- that gave me chills. Hope springs eternal. And one reason why we have to carry hope for one another. That installation of hope. I can hope for you when you are struggling and you can hope for me when I am struggling. Hope from another person increases our own hope. It helps us know we are going to make it!
Carrying and sharing hope for one another is one of the most therapeutic things we do on Cups.
And I also really liked your capturing of this point, "But in the midst of this, something was flickering inside me, some indescribable impulse, some spark of yearning, something saying, “don’t give up.” I think you nailed this. There have been a couple of times in my life where I felt like the fire was going out. Like I was just completely exhausted and wanted to give up on a project or a challenge. Then, suddenly, a little flame starts to flicker. It is an automatic thing. I don't think it is something we necessarily do. Then the kindling catches. And then, gradually, the fire is blazing again.
That endless hope, that flicker that refuses to give out, that is what we have to nurture here on Cups. We have to protect and help grow one another's flames. The brighter our collective light, the greater the hope we share with others.
Thank you again for sharing such a beautiful post. 💗🙏✨
@Heather225
Hi H! 😊 ❤️ Thank you for your beautiful forum post and having the courage to share of yourself, here with us all! Thank you for "being the example". Thank you for being the example of that there is true strength in vulnerability. Thank you for being the example in that it's here, on 7 cups, that is the best place to share, seek help and support. Thank you for being the example to everyone that it's okay to do so.
I imagine so many of us come from very humble beginnings. I love hearing what I call "hero stories" or "Cinderella stories", just as you have shared with us today. I love hearing about the power of the human spirit. It's amazing how some can hang onto hope against all odds (once we have lost hope, we have lost everything), to show grit, to persevere in the face of adversity and stop at nothing!
Thank you for being here wounded healer! I see wounded healers as those that have walked through the fire and somehow came out on the other side, bringing buckets of water to help the rest. Heather, I truly believe you are exactly where you are supposed to be! The universe has spoken! So many times have I had gratitude moments that you didn't miss that bus!
I think you are giving everyone else hope in showing that over time, you have taken your "power" back, the power that others tried to take away from you long ago. You are good enough, fast enough, strong enough, smart enough and kind enough! They can be too! ❤️
I feel like you are trying to make it all count for something (I do this too), that the suffering wasn't in vain. Giving meaning to true personal pain can really turn it upside down, inside out and to harness that energy and use it to help others is to truly evolve as a human being. Always better, never bitter!
A tear or two shed in reading this, of course. You are "part of my tribe". ❤️
*high fives* 😊 and big big *hugs* ❤️
@SparkyGizmo
such a powerful set of words. i had to see them in image form c:
thanks for lighting up my posts and my heart with every profound reply 🥰
@Heather225
It's my privilege! 🥰
big *hugs* ❤️❤️❤️ sweet friend
For anyone who wants to watch the Sandman faceoff scene (tw mild violence): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eKd84p1sc0
@Heather225 very powerful video. i love how hope is beyond the character - something greater and stronger than the person evoking hope!
@Heather225 thank you for sharing your story. Where there's life, there's hope. I like that story and quote "What kills hope?"
💗 Have you faced similar experiences in your life?
Yes, I also grew up in an unstable environment, and felt anxious for years during it and well I to adulthood.
💗 Is there anything you tell yourself or ways you cope with hardship?
Things like, "You've gotten through everything else that's come your way, you can get through this too. Everything in this life is temporary."
💗 Thinking back on a particularly challenging time, what small step did you take that helped keep hope alive?
I decided to ask for help. It seems so little, but it helped me survive.
I've been reflecting on life lately, and sometimes I get surprised that I'm still alive. The good thing is, I'm so much happier to be alive now.
Thank you Heather, and all of you at 7cups, for sharing your stories and supporting your fellow travelers in life. 💞
@Heather225
"The beautiful thing about hope is it allows us to dream about the possibilities of a brighter future."
This prayer reached the deepest part of my heart, thank you for sharing this story, your story. 💗
Yes I have experienced similar things. I was in my mid-twenties when things started to change. My mom had married again and I was fresh from missionary work with my personal faith. Coming home was not easy. I think one of the difficult things to face is knowing that you have this flame of resentment inside that seems to ignite itself at times.
I dealt with that today.
But...you have to step back and understand that everyone has done things that upset them.
For me it was unwanted behaviors from a family member.
It took years for me to tell my mom. Even after I did it made my relationship with her even more difficult.
If you don't tell I'll get you a present...
Perks of being a wallflower...
Some people are just bad for your health, environments and all.
Now I'm here...😴💆
