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Taking Care of Each Other - Preventing Burnout at 7 Cups

by Hope

1 day ago

What have you done to prevent burnout today? Preventing Burnout at 7 Cups

by Hope

1 day ago

Distortion 10. Mental Filtering

by Hope

December 14th

...See more Hi everyone! How's everyone feeling this week? Thank you for following our cognitive distortion series. It is time to cover the final cognitive distortion of this series called ‘Mental Filtering’. Think of it as a spotlight, but one that illuminates only the negative aspects of your experiences, leaving the positives shrouded in darkness. As with many distortions, you may find it overlapping it with covered distortions but also have a unique element of its own which is why it is covered in a separate post. The difference between mental filter and catastrophizing is, the mental filter is like wearing clouded glasses that don’t allow you to see bright colors, meanwhile catastrophizing is like hearing a fire alarm go off every time you see a candle flicker or a pan show a hint of smoke. Catastrophizing is a lot more intense and negative, meanwhile, mental filters can be harder to spot because they feel more real and are less subtle. Instead of blowing things out of proportion, you are just choosing to look at all the negatives and discount the negatives. Catastrophizing can feel like ‘I can see one cloud, it will rain and my outdoor picnic is canceled’. While mental filter can be ‘It has rained 3 times this month when I had outdoor plans, the weather is always bad’’ while discounting the fact that you were able to do 4 outdoor activities during the same month because it did not rain on those days. So, what's the deal with this filter? Essentially, it works like this: * Magnifying flaws: Remember that presentation where you stumbled over a point? Mental filtering blows it up into a neon sign announcing "Public Humiliation!". Meanwhile, those insightful remarks and audience engagement? Meh, barely a flicker on the radar. * Discounting positives: Received a compliment on your writing? Mental filtering whispers, "Just being nice." Did you fail that exam? "Must have been an easy one." Any positive feedback gets dismissed as irrelevant or accidental. * Selective memory: Think about it – every awkward moment, every rejection, every critical comment replaying on repeat in your mind? Yeah, that's mental filtering There are many ways to break free but we will focus on the high-impact ones. * Reflect on the positives, and try to note down all the opposing (positive evidence) to the situation you are applying the mental filter to. * Gratitude journal: Every day, jot down three things you're grateful for – a funny incident, a kind gesture, a personal triumph. It trains your brain to actively seek out the good stuff, like a positivity magnet. This is an important way to long term reframe this distortion and avoid many similar ones. Think of a time you looked at a situation with the mental filter glasses on and how did that work out? What would you do differently today? What we want to do through reflecting on these distortions is to make life easier for us. Life is hard, I don’t need to tell you that, you already know it. But does it make sense to worsen our situation by indulging in negative thoughts? So let's reflect on all these distortions and save ourselves from additional misery. We have a lot more control over the quality of our thoughts than we give ourselves credit for. This is a wrap on the cognitive distortion series. Thank you to everyone who participated, I am very proud of all of you who challenged your negative thoughts, its really hard to reason with our brains and I see the effort you have put in. Remember to submit the series eval form [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdZ-Svf0igRTYst5y-r8m21scUltfV5-cfWxLyzM-tPwvLTVw/viewform]

Distortion No 9. Should statements

by Hope

December 14th

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Today we will be talking about ‘Should’ statements in our cognitive distortions series. As the name suggests, it revolves around ‘should’ beliefs, its imposing rigid/fixed rules on self, others, the world. The world should be this way, I should be this, others should be X etc. You can usually identify these thoughts as they often carry the words ‘should, ought to and must’ The 4 types of should statements as mentioned here. [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfChtZ6VwA_T5ug1RQT4T7RzPdBCxgMpV4cQWhPkYLgN33T-Q/viewform] * Self-directed ‘shoulds’: self-imposed standards that, lead to anxiety, guilt, and shame. * Other-directed ‘shoulds’: expectations of others which, lead to anger and conflict. * World-directed ‘shoulds’: expectations around how the world should work, which can lead to frustration and entitlement. * Hidden ‘shoulds’: implicit standards revealed in our reactions (e.g., getting frustrated with oneself after making a mistake). Let's look at what this can look like for a person: * I must change my appearance to look good (This can include losing/gaining weight or getting cosmetic procedures done) * He should have spent more time with me. (Often we think of these shoulds after a relationship falls through) * I should be happier in life * This lecture should be more research-based As always, it's only an issue if it's starting to impact the quality of your life. Sometimes we have to think hard even to notice that it is. In moderation, should statements are not always bad, It is good to think about how we can improve but it becomes an issue when we use these shoulds as a way to avoid responsibility, you say you failed a class because the class should have been easier but does that change your grade? Or you may be waiting to achieve a very unique physique and discounting all that you currently are. For this distortion, we will be doing the following! Notice when a should statement pops up, likely, reading this post has already brought to your attention your more prominent should thoughts. Ask yourself the following questions: * If you took out the ‘should/must/ought to’ how will you see this situation? * Where did this should statement start? (Where did this belief originate, this helps us figure out if these are even our own) Once you have explored the statement and have a better understanding of it. The second step is to soften the words a bit. You can want things without imposing such fixed/rigid beliefs. Lastly, it helps to reflect on this from a more compassionate outsider perspective by assuming this is your friend who is dealing with this. * Change the terms of should/must/ to lighter terms like ‘prefer/wish’ * What would you say to a friend who is imposing such fixed/rigid rules/behaviors on themself? Let's see what it can look like when you do this exercise: Please take a moment to complete the exercise and share your thoughts with us! ------------------------- View the full list of distortions covered here! [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/] Join the tag list to be tagged on these posts here! [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfChtZ6VwA_T5ug1RQT4T7RzPdBCxgMpV4cQWhPkYLgN33T-Q/viewform]

Distortion 8. Labelling

by Hope

December 14th

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Time for another cognitive distortion post. Today we will be talking about ‘Labeling’. Labeling can be seen as a more extreme form of overgeneralization. As the name suggests, it involves assigning labels to yourself, others, and events. Examples of labeling: * Classifying someone as innocent or sneaky based on one interaction. * Thinking you are stupid for not doing well in a specific field * Believing someone else is not competent based on one or two skills alone. Like most cognitive distortions, it will at times overlap with other distortions such as generalization and binary thinking (black-and-white thinking). What makes it stand out is the focus on labels. What we can learn from this distortion is to pause when we put a label on ourselves, someone else, or something, especially a negative label, and truly reflect on the validity of that label. Is your friend really awful for ignoring you or is he struggling to cope with his changed environment and as a result unable to respond to you? You may think why you would want to stop labeling. Because it paints a false picture of reality and stops you from seeing things as they are and many times makes you more miserable than you have to be. When we label someone, something, or even ourselves, it really disrupts our peace and at times makes it hard for us to appreciate people and even our own selves. People and situations are often too complex to fit into these labels. A better way of seeing things is to label behaviors rather than individuals, this way you can actually provide constructive feedback or even work on fixing those behaviors within you. If you believe you suck at making friends, that's not helpful but if you reflect on it and realize you have trouble starting conversations, you can now work on it without feeling poorly about yourself. It's also more specific and therefore more actionable. Let us again practice reframing our thoughts! For this distortion, it is helpful to reflect on why you gave it the label and what facts/observations can oppose the label so you can see the whole picture We will use the same technique we have been using in other posts: 📢Points of Action: * Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall yours from our last posts) * Counter your negative thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience. Reflect on a time when you labeled something or someone and later changed your mind. Please share with us!

Distortion 7. Comparison

by Hope

December 14th

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you have been well. Another week, another post on cognitive distortion. I hope you have gotten the chance to read the previous posts. If not, you can do so here! [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/] I was thinking of what distortion to tackle next and then I came across one that I believe most human beings can benefit from. It is ‘Comparison’. So it should be noted that not all comparison is bad, nor can we classify them every time we compare something as bad. It is at some level required for us to make sense of things. For example, we compare the prices of different products before making a selection, we weigh out the pros and cons of selecting a certain school for a specific degree, all that is perfectly fine. It is even okay to compare our life situations with someone else to feel inspired! Your friend who failed half the classes last year is scoring As this year, how inspiring! Nothing wrong with feeling more motivated to do better on your grades. However, where it becomes an issue is when we fixate on other’s accomplishments and don’t give ourselves enough credit. So if you feel bad because your friend is improving more in grades than you are then its an issue. Or we pick out the setbacks of someone to feel better about our lack of effort. In both cases, comparing our situation with someone else when we don’t have all the facts or we have vastly different circumstances. Examples of ways in which comparison is not helpful with a potential reality in the brackets to help you reflect on what we miss when we make these comparisons. * My friend is so much happier than me. She can buy anything she likes. (Her parents are rich but the family never spends any real time together. She wishes she could have a family like yours) * Stacey looks so much better than me. She just naturally likes healthy foods. I wish I was like that (Stacey struggles with an eating disorder and is not comfortable making that public) * My neighbor bought a brand-new car, mine breaks down every other week. This just sucks (The neighbor is a retired 60-year-old person, and you are 30, and it is natural to not be able to afford the same) Comparison as a cognitive distortion is a tad bit tricky. It's a problem when it becomes recurrent and it starts to bother you. If you are consistently finding yourself living your life just trying to catch up to everyone else without real consideration for what you truly want, then you need to address it. Some reasons why we compare: * We want to fit in. We think we won’t be accepted if we won’t look a certain way, have certain things. This could be true for certain groups of people. But that just means they are not a good fit for you. If you need to maintain a lifestyle beyond your means to fit in with a group of people, they are not your people! * We feel insecure, we lack self-esteem so we look around ourselves hoping to feel better if we can have a better house or more popular friends then perhaps we are worthy? In reality, no materialistic thing or a social group can help you feel more secure/increase your self-esteem. That's a job for yourself. * Society insists we follow certain standards. Perhaps your mom comments on your weight which makes you want to look a certain way. Maybe your rich friends are more respected than you are and you crave that respect but society is not a reliable friend. The standards can change and the same things it pushed for can again become undesirable. So well what do we do about our need to have things simply because someone has them or be like someone else because they seem happier? We can work on our self esteem and sense of worth. Here are a few ways we can work on it: * Starting and ending your day on a grateful note. Start your day thinking of what you have, not what you don’t and end it on the same note. * Consistently incorporate some way you can feel fulfilled or useful. Volunteering is typically a good way to go about it. You can volunteer at your local animal shelter, some local charity or even 7 Cups! But you need to do something you truly care for. * Make an attempt to reflect on what you are missing when you are idolizing a certain someone or something. Is it really something you want or does that help you feel a certain way you desire to feel? Do you want that better car because its reliable or because you like the way people treat your neighbor when he drives it. * Realize that if you did not have what you have now, there is a good chance you would be jealous of yourself. So for this post we are gonna practice reframing a bit differently. Here is how we will tackle our need to compare. I encourage you to do this for a week! 1. Start your day by recalling 3 things you are grateful for. End the day with the same. This can be the same things every day or different, does not matter. Could be so small as a good cup of coffee or as big as a roof over your head. 2. Every day do something for someone else. Even a smile counts. Listening to a member on 7 cups for a few minutes in a group room counts. Checking in on your stressed-out friend with genuine interest counts. 3. When you find yourself longing for something someone else: * Pause, and ask yourself if it has true value in your life? Do you really need the Gucci perfume your friend bought that you never thought of before this moment? * If not then what are you really desiring? 4. Take a piece of paper, write down every good thing about yourself and truly take a moment to reflect on how many people would love to have these qualities, skills and even possessions. Then reflect on what it would be like if you woke up one day and did not have some of it? Perhaps you go from being great at writing to not know how to write or maybe you lose your ability to play your favorite sport. This negative visualization can bring into perspective the many things you take for granted. Further Resources: Zero Sum thinking [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HsHangout_1970/CommunityLessonsRecognitionandZeroSumThinking_224428/]

Learning about Cognitive Distortions: Distortion No.1: Catastrophizing

by Hope

December 12th

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Last week I announced the cognitive distortion series. You can read about it here. [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/] Today we will be looking at the first cognitive distortion of the series, ‘catastrophizing’. Catastrophizing is when a person focuses on the worst possible outcome and treats it as likely, even when it is not. Some common examples: * I am not feeling better after this treatment. I will never get better. * I will for sure fail this test because I forgot to study chapter X. * I could not keep up with my exercise regime, I will never become physically fit. * I have not been able to keep in touch with my friend. I bet he is no longer my friend * I forgot to put the right spacing in my essay. That's it, there goes my A in this course. Other names for the distortion are magnifying, and negative fortune telling. We get what catastrophizing is now and it's likely we all do it, some more than others. But how do we tackle this, how do we stop assuming the worst possible outcome? We can do this by engaging in the following: (Taken from Glen’s post on How to Worry Less and Not Panic [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/GlensNookCommunity_547/HowtoWorryLessandNotPanic_300790/]) * What are the odds: On a scale of 1-100%, how likely is this to happen? “Okay, if I had $1000 in my pocket now, would I bet that $1000 that this would happen?” If the answer is no, then it is likely that I am worrying too much about it. * Your Personal Hit Rate: Think about how often you are right when you think of the worst-case scenarios. Don’t be selective and remember the times you were right, try to think of all the times. Chances are it's less than 2%. Then does it make sense to consider something as true when your past predicting success rate is just 2%? To truly practice reframing your thoughts when it comes to this cognitive distortion. Let's experiment for a week together! * Start a doc/take out a notebook. * Write down your personal hit rate on top of the doc/page so you can remember your level of accuracy as you look at your daunting problems. * Every time you are thinking of the worst outcome, write down what is on your mind. * Then write down another opposing (positive thought) that you believe to be true. This can be hard but if you think enough, you will find it! It helps to look into facts to support your case Due to the nature of these exercises, it is advisable that any interested listeners use their member accounts so they can freely share their experiences. What we are attempting to do is to nudge our minds away from jumping to the worst possible conclusions and present some realistic alternatives that cause us less anguish. 📢Points of Action: (Actual tasks you will need to complete if you wish to avail the series certificate, only available for a limited time) * Find out your personal hit rate, don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. * Counter your catastrophic thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience. * After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise. 📝To help us get started. Let's all share about a time when we truly believed the worst possible outcome or a very bad outcome was likely but it did not happen. (This is not the task, it is for general discussion, a place for you to start off if you feel stuck) Recommended Resources: * Forum Post: How to Worry Less and Not Pani [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/GlensNookCommunity_547/HowtoWorryLessandNotPanic_300790/]c * Book: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (Chapter 1) (the book is long, the most relevant chapter to this post is Chapter 1). [https://youtu.be/fKzlc_N2yxw?si=WM-SUIqrVQLg1Is3&t=627] Post edited on Nov 21, 2024 to clarify required tasks.

Follow us on social media!

by Hope

December 11th

...See more Hi everyone, I hope you all are well. Did you know you can follow 7 Cups on your favorite social media platforms? Social media can be a mixed place, on one end we can find accounts/pages related to all of our favorite things but on the other hand, it can make us compare ourselves to others and sometimes interact with less than positive content. On our social media accounts, we share positive content focusing on inspirational quotes, the great things happening in our community, and what's up in the mental health world with a little fun in between. Our aim is to provide you with content that is good for your mental health. Following 7Cups social media accounts not only makes a positive impact on your feed, but it also helps us reach more people. More people can know about our platform and can benefit from our mission. That's quite a win, win if you ask me! To acknowledge and show our appreciation for the support you show you and us! Everyone who follows the following social media accounts will receive the ‘Super Supporter badge' Instagram - @7Cups [https://www.instagram.com/7cups/] Twitter - @7Cups [https://twitter.com/7cups] & @7CupsTeen [https://twitter.com/7CupsTeen] Facebook - 7CupsOfTea [https://www.facebook.com/7CupsOfTea/] Youtube - 7 Cups of Tea [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYsco2bYgzQzUsLnaO899Qg] LinkedIn - 7-cups [https://www.linkedin.com/company/7-cups] You can also follow 7 Cups Academy on LinkedIn! 7-cups-academy [https://www.linkedin.com/company/7-cups-academy/] Step 1) Hit follow! (We understand that not everyone has accounts on all social media platforms so you can follow the ones that you have accounts on) Step 2) Reply to this thread and let us know that you have followed us!

7 Cups for the searching soul book - Read and review to get a badge!

by Hope

December 7th

...See more Hi everyone, I hope you are doing well. Some of you may be aware that we have our very own book! It's called the 7 Cups for the searching soul. There is even a training /self-help guide based on the same book. The book focuses on helping you understand your behavior better, provide you with tips and tricks to grow as a person, and provides in-depth information about how our platforms can support you with your journey of growth. We encourage everyone to read the book and reflect on its contents. The admin team and I have read the book and we have really enjoyed the overall experience. You can download your copy of the book on Amazon for free here [https://www.amazon.com/7-Cups-Searching-Soul-7Cups-ebook/dp/B01BFWMCXY] * Please note that the book is available in the following Amazon marketplaces: United States, United Kingdom, Canada, India, Mexico, Brazil, Germany, Japan, Spain, France, Italy, Australia, and the Netherlands. Don't see your country listed? We've got you covered! Please find PDF and MOBI versions here [https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/611898]. To get the Soul Searcher badge please follow the following steps: Download the e-book from Amazon (if your country provides it) or use the second link and read it. Leave us a review on Amazon [https://www.amazon.com/7-Cups-Searching-Soul-7Cups-ebook/dp/B01BFWMCXY] or Good reads [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28930126-7-cups-for-the-searching-soul?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=465CcxbNjk&rank=1]. Respond to this thread, let us know you did step 1 & 2 and tell us what were your favourite bits! We will appreciate your support in downloading and reviewing the book as more downloads/reviews help us reach and support more people.

Distortion 6. Fallacy of Change

by Hope

December 7th

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. It's time for our 6th post in the cognitive distortion series [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/]. Today we will talk about the fallacy of change. I find this definition by PsychCentral to best describe this distortion, ‘The fallacy of change has you expecting other people will change their ways to suit your expectations or needs, particularly when you pressure them enough.’ I think part of it is that we often believe our way of the world to be objective or for the lack of a better word, ‘superior’. The way we wish to do things to us appear the best way there is. So when someone or something does not follow our established patterns, we want them or it to change. However, these unrealistic and sometimes unreasonable expectations lead to resentment and general negative feelings. You feel wronged/let down when people/things don’t change. The other big problem with this way of thinking is that we wait for things to happen to be happy/be at peace. If your parent does not change, you fail to see anything you can do to improve your life quality. It's very easy to feel like you have no power in life and you are a victim of circumstance. The reality is whether we are right or wrong, things/people rarely change just because we want them to. This quote sums it up quite nicely ‘Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have trying to change others.’ - Arnold Glasow. So in many ways, we need to be aware of this fault in our thinking so we can reduce some of the added misery/negativity in our lives that come from our need for others to change. Examples: * You have made a friend who has always liked partaking in sports as a social activity. He loves to play tennis with his friends so much so that he only meets his friends when he is playing a sport. You met him when you tried the game, and became friends but you could not appreciate the game. Now you are showing up to play games to hang out with your friend but deep down you are waiting for this person to change their desired hang-out spots to suit your needs. * You took a course that is heavy on memorization. You struggle with memorization and fail to see its value. You believe the course should be changed to better suit the learning goals of today. The professor refuses your request and that has you upset. * You joined a company where existing people deal with office politics. You don’t want to play the game and you are hoping they will change their ways to create a better workspace. You can typically identify this pattern as it often starts with ‘If Only…’ If you noticed the demands/expectations of these examples are not that unreasonable but still the chances of the situation changing are low. When you know your new friend drives joy from his sporty meetings, there is little chance he will change what works for him. The course you took, you knew what it was, so why would a whole class change to suit you even when you are right? The company you joined is set in its ways, even if yours is superior, other than heartbreak not much will come out of your desire to change the workplace. Even worse, when you refuse to see things for what it is. You end up at risk for some negative outcomes. You may lose a friend if you wish for him to change, and you may fail a course if you don’t manage your expectations. As always let’s challenge our negative thoughts and break these patterns that hold us back To practice shifting our perspective and helping us not feed unrealistic expectations: * Let's reflect on a time when we expected something/someone to change. How did that end up working out? * What would you have done differently if you knew about this fallacy? Further Resources The Fallacy of Change [https://youtu.be/ZEZlzP7_ZnQ?si=sI3jGrBQUJQNJ7nQ]

Distortion 5. Emotional Reasoning

by Hope

December 7th

...See more Hi everyone! Thank you for following our learning about cognitive distortions series. You have shown great courage by challenging your negative thoughts and putting in consistent effort to reframe your mindset. All this consistent work will pay off! Today we will talk about another common cognitive distortion that can mess with our minds. It is called ‘Emotional Reasoning’ also known as ‘Feeling Driven Thinking’. Simply put it's a fault in our thinking where we rely on our feelings to decide if something is true, even when the evidence states otherwise. It does overlap with already discussed cognitive distortions such as mind reading and catastrophizing. Still, it's important to look at this alone as we need to understand that regardless of the intensity of our emotions, feelings alone don’t dictate whether something is true/false, right or wrong. Example: * You feel guilty because you had to cancel a meeting with a friend. You believe you did something wrong based on your feelings of guilt when in fact you had no choice but to cancel as you fell sick. * You believe your teacher could never treat someone poorly as she is always nice to you. When in fact several people have stated experiencing unjust treatment. * You suspect your partner is cheating on you but there is no clear evidence that can support this feeling * You believe you are not worthy of a role, despite having done many projects with the skill set needed to complete this new role. * You think no one cares about you as you feel lonely but people consistently reach out to you and make an attempt to include you in their events/meet-ups. It is important to understand that your feelings are valid and there is plenty of room for you to sit with them. However, your feelings do not dictate reality. It's important to make this distinction that how you feel does not equal how it is! This empowers you to see the world beyond the lens of emotions open yourself up for more opportunities and avoid unnecessary heartbreak. As always we will try to use facts/evidence to counter these strong thoughts and feelings so we can have a more neutral view of life. 📢Points of Action: Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post) Counter your emotional thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience. ⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise. ⭐ When was the last time you engaged in emotional reasoning and what likely was the truth of the situation based on facts/evidence? Additional Resources Emotional Reasoning [https://www.psychologytools.com/resource/emotional-reasoning/] ------------------------- This post is part of the 'Learning about cognitive distortions series'. The series starts here! [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/]

Distortion No. 4: Personalization

by Hope

December 6th

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are well. Thank you for participating in our cognitive distortion series. You can check out all the previous posts in this series here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/]. Today we will be talking about a very important cognitive distortion. I believe reframing this type of thinking can greatly improve the quality of your life. It is ‘personalization’. Personalization is one of the cognitive distortions where you believe that things are connected to you even though you have nothing to do with them. Another way people fall prey to personalization is when they believe they are responsible for things outside of their control. Examples of personalization and in the brackets are what usually is the reality: * My friend did not pair with me for this project, he does not value me. (In reality the teacher asked the friend to pair up with X person to ensure X person is well supported) * I was 15 minutes late to class. My professor must think I am so tardy (so is half the class, the professor realized the traffic must be bad.) * My partner broke up with me because I am not a good enough person to stay in a long distance relationship with (Your partner broke up because she was moving away and did not wish to do long distance, which had nothing to do with your worth) * If I had only reminded my sister to carry her sweater to her practice, she would not have caught this cold (There is no guarantee the lack of a sweater caused the cold, nor are you responsible for preventing it) * My boss has been so reserved and quiet all day. It must be that I could not submit my report on time (Your boss is sick and does not have the energy to communicate more than needed, your boss does not even remember the report delay) The key thing in this cognitive distortion is taking things personally. It's important to understand that a sense of responsibility/accountability in life is important. It helps you lead a fulfilling life. However, to be able to take responsibility and be accountable for what is truly your responsibility, you need to learn what is related to you and what is not. Here are some areas/examples where it is reasonable to feel accountable/responsible: * How you process your emotions/feelings (Getting angry is not up to you but how you process your anger is up to you) * To arrive on time for a meeting (even if the other person is late, you are only responsible for your time management) * To leave with a reasonable time gap for something important (Even if you meet unexpected traffic and end up getting late, so what? Happens to all of us) You taking responsibility for your actions does not save you from unexpected detours in your ideal plan. Take them as an expected and consistent part of life and these should not deter you from doing the right thing! The reason why this post has also explained what responsibility/accountability can look like is so people don’t confuse a lack of accountability as correcting personalization. So we need to separate what is not our problem (in simple terms) so that we can have the energy to deal with the very many problems that are our responsibility. We will use the same technique for practice as before. The reason for the same technique is so we can get very used to thinking this way when we are faced with unhelpful thoughts. 📢Points of Action: * Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post) * Counter your stressful thoughts with positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience. ⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise. ⭐ How often do you engage in personalization and how does it impact your life? Further Reading/Resources Video explanation of the distortion [https://youtu.be/E7yf7lNhkzM?si=3Yy_uUnq_IXFSX9u] Responsibility Pie worksheet [https://www.selfhelptoons.com/personalization-and-blame-reducing-guilt-and-shame/] (Highly recommended)

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