How to Worry Less and Not Panic : /
I wrote this post on how I see life like a river where each of us is on a kayak and we need to learn how to navigate difficult waters to learn key lessons. Obs said Glen this is great, but what we need is a post on how not to panic when you are starting to go through the rapids! So, as promised, here is a sort of Part 2 to the river post.
Let’s zoom back and look at panic as an extreme form of anxiety. All of us are wired for anxiety because we have ancestors that interpreted the rustle in the bushes as a predator and NOT just wind. The ones that interpreted the leaves moving as wind mostly died off. The ones that ran like crazy survived and we can all trace our lineage back to those more cautious, and anxious (!), people.
We don’t see predator animals these days except behind a fence at the zoo. However, we are still wired the same way. Now, our anxiety response gets triggered with fears around not passing tests, not being liked by friends, difficult relationships, or problems at work.
Anxiety surfaces when we think we are too small for the challenge or that the challenge is too big. Panic happens when we think we are way too small or the challenge is way too big. If you are a worrier, then you know how anxious thinking can snowball. Not passing a test snowballs into thinking that we’ll never graduate. A little tiff or disagreement with a friend can snowball into thinking the person is going to leave you forever.
Another word for this is catastrophizing. Or sometimes it is called making a mountain of a molehill. We talk much more about how to manage anxiety here and specifically what to do with panic attacks here.
I’ll share four things that help me not to panic. The first is to ask myself “What are the odds? On a scale of 1-100%, how likely is this to happen?” Once I get that number I can then ask, “Okay, if I had $1000 in my pocket now, would I bet that $1000 that this would happen?” If the answer is no, then it is likely that I am worrying too much about it. This helps me get out of my own head to see the situation in a more realistic manner. When I start to worry about the same situation again, I can just do the same exercise to help make the fear smaller and more accurate.
A second thing that I do is ask myself, “Glen, what is the worst thing that could happen?” Even if the odds are low - like let’s say less than 10% - I still want to know what is the worst thing that could happen if this very low odds situation happens? Then, I imagine what my life would look like if that happened. I let my mind marinate on that for a minute. Then, I begin to accept that outcome. I can see that even if this horrible thing happens that I’ll end up being okay or the person I love will also be okay. It will be painful and difficult, but I’ll survive and get to the other side.
A third thing I say to myself is, “Glen, what is your hit rate? How often are your worries correct?” I am now 46. I unfortunately spent a good chunk of my life being something of a champion worrier - like black belt level. That means I’ve got a lot of practice on you all and have had plenty of opportunities to learn coping skills :).
Back to the point - how often am I correct? The answer is that my worries are often completely incorrect - like less than 2% of the time they are accurate and that might even be lower. If I had a friend or an expert I was consulting with and they were wrong 98% of the time, then I wouldn’t worry too much about what they were warning me about. The worrying part of ourselves is not a great judge of life and doesn’t carry too much wisdom, so it is often safe to say that they might be making things sound worse than they really are.
Last, as outlined in the river post, I realize that my own take on things or what I want to happen is often limited. I have had things not work out as I imagined plenty of times and the majority of those times they work out better than what I had originally planned. Sometimes "good things" that I want to happen don't end up being good and sometimes "bad things" end up being good! I also know that life is a complicated process and that it is hard for me to fully comprehend all that is going on. What is not so great now can end up being good for someone else or even for me down the road. Things often have to evolve for me to see how the water breaks or life unfolds.
Obs, I hope this helps! And I hope any of you reading this find it helpful too. What have you found that is helpful? Let’s share ideas and support one another so we worry and panic less when life brings the rapids our way.
See you on the river,
Glen
@GlenM
To listen the my reply below click on this Google Translate link and then scroll to the bottom to click the play button on that page.
Regarding the request you said Obs made to you:
- "What we need is a post on
how not to panic when you are starting to go through the rapids!"
And also regarding your question at the end:
- What have you found that is helpful?
Let’s share ideas and support one another so we worry and panic less when life brings the rapids our way.
I found the first 3 points you listed would have been better written if listed with a river analogy.
The 4th point you listed did have a river water analogy so that was better.
Here are the 4 points you listed, plus my recommendations using a river analogy.
- The first is to ask myself: “What are the odds? On a scale of 1-100%, how likely is this to happen?”
- I would ask: How many times have I been down this whitewater-class-level of rapids successfully? Is it a Class 5 rapids?
- I would ask: How likely is it I will get in serious big trouble like get pinned against a boulder or flipped?
- I would ask: Can I do a kayak-roll successfully in this rapid?
- I would ask: Have any of my friends with my paddling skill level been able to paddle these rapids okay? - What is the worst thing that could happen?”
- I would ask: What have my paddling friends heard is the worst that has happened?
- I would ask: What would I do if I got flipped and had to get out of the kayak?
- I would ask: Is it a possible life-threatening situation?
- I would ask: Would I be able to make it safely to the river bank without freezing?
- I would ask: Would I be able to get my kayak and paddle later?
- I would ask: Is anyone I'm paddling with going to be able to help me? - What is your hit rate? How often are your worries correct?
- I would ask: How good have I been at reading rapids like this?
- I would ask: Have I been able to handle rapids like this in the past? - Things often have to evolve for me to see how the water breaks or life unfolds.
- I would ask: Have I been able to learn from my mistakes in situations like this in the past?
I think the points I listed above show that:
some really really hard questions need to be asked in real-life situations.
I think the numbered list of 4 things above are typical of
what people say to other people to try to console them.
I think people say them to try to help people feel better.
But how useful are they really for specific situations that specific people are in?
What people really need perhaps is to be taught to do detailed risk-analysis and mitigation.
@7motivation our resident kayaking expert!
Yes, that is a key part of anxiety reduction is to make it as detailed as possible, because often the fog of fear makes it cloudy to see. You are spot on with your recommendation of risk analysis. You could say that worry and panic makes use analyze situations and think they are a much higher risk than they really are. Any risk analysis techniques you recommend?
@GlenM
Thank you! 🌝
Regarding your question:
- "Any risk analysis techniques you recommend?"
First I recommending doing a full simulation of the situation:
- And ask yourself: "What can go wrong?"
- Also ask yourself: "Can it be prevented and how?"
You can try it right now!!!
Watch this whitewater paddling simulation video!
- Here is a growth path step I made a while back for whitewater river kayaking exercise moves:
- https://www.7cups.com/path/exercise/exercise-video-virtual-reality-kayaking-arm-moves-1635620485/
- Move your arms like you are really paddling!
- To ENLARGE the video,
use your browser ZOOM button
- Or just click this link
and watch it full screen direct on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neM_xXk7hEg
As you go down the simulated rapid run,
be mindful of your worries:
- What risks concern you?
- Which sections seem dangerous and why?
- What preventive measures could you take?
- Should you avoid sections
and portage them instead?
- Should you avoid the entire river trip
because it's too dangerous for your skill level?
Here is a real genuine situational risk-assessment analysis example done by a real kayaking company:
Above it shows:
- How a real kayaking company actually assesses risk
- How they control and mitigate risk
Anyone can adapt their template for their risk analysis.
As one can see,
they don't just go ahead
and assume things will be okay:
- They actually look at their key risky situations in detail
- Then they analyze them and make informed decisions
How much risk assessment is appropriate?
- The Goldilockian amount 🌝
(whatever seems appropriate)
- Practice appropriate vigilance
rather than leave things to chance
Click the links below for more real life
risk-assessment, control, and mitigation examples
by the same sporting company:
- Certificate of Insurance
- Accident & First Aid
- Catamaran
- Cleaning
- COVID 19
- Dinghy sailing
- Display Screen
- Fire
- Kayaking 🌝
- Keelboat
- Paddleboarding
- Petrol refuelling
- Powerboating
- Pressure washer
- Quad bike
- Safety Boat
- Trapezing
- Water skiing & Wakeboarding
- Windsurfing
Another really good way to do risk-assessment is:
to ask experts!
It's perhaps the best way.
- Fortunately, getting advice from subject-matter-experts is easy now days
-
Just search the web!
Yay! 🌝
@7motivation thanks for this overview, the growth path, and links! I think risk analysis - how you've outlined it - is a real opportunity or mental health. Like if we had better language for this and it was packaged up in a manner to help people assess real threat/risk, then it would likely go a long way towards helping people cope with anxiety. Instead, unfortunately, it is often silo'd in business courses or insurance companies!
Another great post, @GlenM!!!
Panic attacks stemming from anxiety can be scary. I remember back in the days when I was in sixth grade, after a school assembly event in the gym, we all returned to our classes. When we noticed one of our friends was missing. A group of friends and I searched all over the school, went to every corner, checked all the washrooms, change rooms, and she was nowhere to be found. I went into panic mode, and started to have shortness-of-breath. After nearly an hour of searching, we found out she went to the first aid room in the office, as she wasn't feeling well after the assembly. But she didn't tell anyone, and we all were anxious and panicking trying to find her.
Anxiety for myself, I often end up not sleeping well. Especially when I have appointments or something I need to do specifically the next day, then, even with an alarm set to wake up on my phone, I'm still worried that I'll sleep past it. So, I often wake up much earlier than my set time.
Regular anxieties throughout the day, whether that be worries regarding work, personal life, or daily life struggles; I've never really found a way to deal with them. Most of the time, I end up just letting it pass, or I sometimes dream about it. I've learned from a past Psychologist I've once seen, that my dreams and nightmares had been trying to tell me how to solve my worries. She explained, because I'm unable to solve them in the present, when I sleep, I subconsciously try to work it out. That was I learned that dreams and nightmares have a connection to things I worry about or encountered during times I was awake.
Ever since I was young, with all the childhood traumas and when my depression started as young as when I was in fourth grade, I've had nightmares nearly every day, up until high school. I've been keeping Dream Log from when I was a kid until now. I'm someone who remembers my dreams/nightmares in detail, and is able to write about it after waking up. Knowing how they are connected to my current life struggles, I can now decipher my own dreams and link them to my worries. This is one of my coping strategies, but I don't think that I would ever be able to stop worrying, it's just a part of my life, our lives.
@Jaeteuk that sounds like a scary scenario. I lost my daughter once in walmart and was definitely panicking. I can identify!
And great points on dreams. I'm with you in believing that they are important and trying to help us better problem solve life. Freud famously said they are the "royal road to the unconscious" -- information that we cannot readily see with our conscious minds.
What has worked for me personally is being involved in a good direction. The more lost the mind is, the more there is space for anxious feelings. The more meaningfully directed it is, calmer it is.
@GlenM well i think this post will help a lot of people i even went through some question people asked and i like how you answered. the fact that you talked about it is appreciating as now a days we humans worry on every small things (i am not saying they shouldn't but it weighs on them so much that they forget to enjoy the moment ).
This post helped me realized a lot of stuffs which i need to improve as well so thankyou for the post.
@GlenM I like your perspective on quantifying the times you were right about an outcome. I too have worried often and have neen wrong about the worries, but never took the time to identify amd acknowledge that I was wrong and everything, in fact, turned out alright. That takes a level of conciencousness that I am still aspiring to.
How do you go down the path of "what happens if your worry becomes a reality" ex. the inevitable passing of a loved one, without getting stuck and spiralling further down the rabbit hole? Thank you for giving food for thought!
@lovingSpring3604 yes, that is one of the key challenges we face as humans. we are all watching the movie that is our lives unfold through our eyes, so we often think we are "default right" in our assessment, but fail to see there are 8 billion other people on the planet that are also watching their own movies and most of them also think they are default correct about their assessment of things. I think zooming back and saying, hmmm, you know what, I might not be right about things because I have this natural, inherent, bias towards self can help quite a bit. at least it has helped me. If this is interesting, then check out this graduation talk - he nails this concept: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ms2BvRbjOYo&ab_channel=SpeechesWithBeautifullyAnimatedSubtitles
Also, good question on how not to get lost in the rabbit hole. This is actually an ancient stoic practice called negative visualization. Here is a good link: https://www.njlifehacks.com/stoic-negative-visualization-become-mentally-stronger/; and here is a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3zOp6LHFx0&ab_channel=SantiYounger . Let me know what you think!
@GlenM
Thank you so much for sharing! These are great questions to ask yourself!
@GlenM
I'm probably in God's strongest 'worrier' list 😆
What works for me:
- Breathe and slow down my heart rate
- Aware when I procrastinate due to anxiety and distract myself by doing everything but the one I should be doing.
- Storm check. Does the storm really exist? How big is it if I use other lense (aka the carefree people's lense xD)? Credit to @Hope for this version of "am I catastrophizing?"
- Pray and just do it. If I'm anxious, do it anxious. If I'm scared, do it scared. Especially when my worries affect others, it's unfair for others.
It's difficult. But I'll survive. Thanks for the post and coping skills 😊🤍
@GlenM
My anxiety used to be a challenge, but remembering it's there to serve a purpose has done me a lot of good. I look at it as anxiety is trying to make sure I survive what it thinks is a risk or threat. Anxiety is on my side, it's not my enemy. It's my sometimes annoying friend trying to look out for me.
I often use the analogy that anxiety is an internal smoke detector. Having an anxiety disorder means my internal smoke detector goes off far too easily, like whenever I make toast. Clearly it's a disproportionate reaction to the stimulus, but I still keep the smoke detector because it's going to go off when there is a real emergency and I need it to.
So I try to remember that the anxiety is just getting my attention, telling me to observe the situation and make an effort to assess and address the risk. I also try to remember it's okay to be anxious some of the time, I don't have to fix it or make it go away, it's doing it's job. Ultimately, I don't need to get anxious about being anxious.
Further I don't need to make my emotional brain agree with my rational brain. So I hear the smoke detector (emotional brain), and it's going to keep going off, and in theory it's right it did detect smoke(my emotions are valid). But, my rational brain knows first, yes it's the toaster, there is no risk, I'm going to try to calm the smoke detector(use grounding and other coping tools) when it's convenient, but otherwise I will finish making my breakfast(living my life).
So for me it's okay to get anxious and have some panic, but don't stress about stress or panic about panicking. My emotional brain may read the map and watch the road for risks, but my rational brain is driving this car, and they are both valid, important and need to work together.
Hope that made at least a bit of sense.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
@GlenM thank you!
I am literally always over thinking especially when it comes to things that touches me deeply. I sometimes wish I could switch off that part of my brain
