2 Minutes Summary: "Courage to be disliked"

I was reading this book, The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga and found it really interesting. It was an amazing read. The book covers Adlerian Psychology. It is a distillation of Adlers philosophical and psychological ideas, thoughts, and reasoning. The book is in the form of narration of the dialogs exchanged between a philosopher and a young man who is seeking change in his life.

While reading it, I was thinking about our community, its leaders, and each member. So, here are my takeaways from the book in the context of our community. I hope you all like it and find it helpful.

What I Learned from the book The Courage to be Disliked

• Community is a feeling. You are part of the community. While your journey whether as a member or a listener is the result of a series of steps you took. A series of choices you made. A series of decisions you took. The events that happened was an experience but not the complete journey. You can create the journey you want to have.

As many of you have noticed that when you enter a chatroom at times, it used to be quiet. After a while, a few join the room but a few initiate the chat. Simply by saying, Hi or Hello. And, soon the room filled with members and their interesting talks and discussions. So, the first person who said, Hi created the value. By deciding not to observe or just leave it anyway, he made the effort to send some love. That's a courageous move.

The same is with your journey. You decide what you want to do with it. How your contributions look in the community.

• We live in a subjective world. We believe we live in an objective world but none of us are. We live in a subjective world that we ourselves have given meaning to. The world you see can be different from what I see. There is no escape from your own subjectivity. If you see the world wearing dark glasses on a sunny afternoon, for example. The view will seem dimmer. But if you remove the glasses and view it, you will see it as a sunny day and you will find it so bright that involuntarily you shut your eyes. It is a matter of courage.

• It is about the present goals. In the words of Adler, The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment.

We usually explain our journey based on past events. That is, X event happened and that is why now Y event is taking place. When you explain things based on cause and effect relationships, things end up with determinism. Result set in advance. But, you can change that. Have you ever thought about how our eyes managed to stay open while capturing pictures? Even though the light was so bright that easily made our eyes shut. It happened due to the goal we set. The goal of having good pictures. We made the choice. Because you took the courage to keep your eyes open. That is the power of goals. You can define your journey based on the goals you set at any point of time in the journey regardless of the past events.

• Separation of tasks. There is a common thought we have, I was unable to complete my tasks because X didnt do his. We probably heard this statement in the chat rooms, Moderators suppose to moderate the room and that is why I didnt use the personal mute. Or, I wont mute him because I will not be able to see what he says. Result of it, chat rooms turn into a mess rather than a supportive environment. So, one needs a separation of tasks. You need to do your role no matter what others are doing. By following community guidelines of chat room participation rules, one is doing his part of the task. He contributed towards creating a supportive environment as well as a decision to make his experiences better.

• You hold the cards to progress. It is because he did this to me, I am in this situation today. But if you can think you brought up the past event to reason that you do not want to progress/ improve, then you are holding the card to make a change and progress. How would you want to react to an action, it is completely your call. Because if you can change the goal, you can solve the problem of not making progress.

• You are part of the community. The community is broad and all-inclusive. You are part of it. When you make the switch from attachment to self to concern for others. You experience this community feeling. Part of a bigger picture. Members supporting others in the chat rooms or listeners who listen and support others, for example, made that switch. Taking care of others. The great thing about community feeling is that when you help others to progress, you also progress with them.

I always hear the experiences and stories from many listeners that how listening and supporting others actually helped them to become better. In other words, you are a piece of a puzzle. When you join hands with others to create a bigger value, you find yourself significant. You feel better. You feel confident. You feel improved. You feel connected. YOU are the key here!

• Exist in the present. You always have a chance to change how you view something. Nothing can stop one from making long strides. You need to focus on what matters to you at this moment. And then outline what steps you can take to achieve what matters to you. There will be challenges, there will be push backs, you will find yourself stuck in a black hole. But, when you know your PRESENT goals, none can stop you from making an improvement. Defining how your journey would be. And, Creating the journey you want to experience. Experience that feeling of being part of something bigger than you. Part of being a community.

Someone has to start. Other people might not be cooperative, but that is not connected to you. My advice is this: you should start. With no regard to whether others are cooperative or not.- Adler

It is the start of a new beginning.