Self-Forgiveness - A Short Video Message & Discussion

I have so much to forgive myself for, that I don't know where to start.

I told my ex-GF (it pains me to write this) last night that it seems that I make a career of messing up relationships. Every relationship that gets messed up makes me feel lonelier and lonelier. It's getting to the point that I don't want to make new friends and that I avoid any kinds of social situations.

I loved this girl a lot, and my anxiety/passive aggressiveness/inattention/ad infinitum screwed up a vibrant and loving relationship. I don't know what more to do.

Forgiving myelf has been really tough recently. I tend to dwell on the things I have done wrong, instead of the things I do right. Self-forgiveness takes a bit of effort from me, but I really need to start to learn how to do it so that I can move ahead and get out of the past.

This may be triggering, Im sorry if it does trigger you

I know self forgiveness is important in recovery, but it is extremely hard to forgive yourself, especially when your mind makes you think you are a horrible person and you actually start to believe it... It is hard to forgive yourself for doing that to yourself. Its hard to forgive yourself for torturing your body with razors and with lighters, the starving yourself, the slow forms of suicide we use, its hard to forgive ourselves for that... but I think the hardest part in it all is trying to forgive yourself for not being strong all the time, or trying to forgive yourself for everything youve been through. The worst part is when it eats away at you and you cant stop it. Its when that horrible anger and sadness comes out. Its when you are so close to crying, but no tears come, and you are mad st yourself, thinking Why am I not good enough? And that makes it hard to believe people when they say that you are, because to some people, as long as they have flat stomachs and thigh gaps and they can be with the more popular people, then they can go another day without eating, they can pretend to be happy for a little bit longer. But forgiving yourself for going through with it, even when your body was fighting it at first, and putting you through more trouble then its worth, all to feel better for a short amount of time? Thats what I struggle with forgiving myself with... I dont know about you guys... or like the video said, even in the small mistakes we still struggle to forgive ourselves, like, if our friend were to do the same thing, we would probably forgive them without hesitation but if you do it you constantly build up self hate, and those thoughts are like poison..

Thanks for letting me share!

Self-forgiveness is really hard for me. Even when I actively try to, I can feel the negative criticism inside my mind flaring up and trying to shut down all self-forgiveness attempts. I feel overly responsible, even when I know certain things aren't my fault. I feel like it's safer to condemn and blame myself than to risk being perceived as arrogant or irresponsible and being punished for it.

How can one forgive one's self for being?

I find that I'm better at forgiving myself for the big things. But I don't forgive myself for the little things and they start to pile up. I'm not good at letting them go.

Thanks for the reminder on the importance of self-forgiveness.

@Laura

Hi Laura. I really value self forgiveness, though I find it so hard to actually apply to my life. I'm weighed down often by a lot of shame for how I behave if I've shown a bad side of myself, or responded in the heat of the moment... And then I can't let go. "Why did I do that" keeps repeating, but I think it is very important. I just need to learn how to isolate moments and move past them.

Took a long time to get to where I looked at my actions objective. It took a lot of energy work, and a few people who were willing to accept me and incourage me to just be me. These people then told me they would let me know if they thought my actions were out of line. In other words, I could give up as much as I could judging myself and be more caring and objective. So for me forgiveness is the ability to look at my actions or someone elses actions and realize that they are human just like me. That they are allowed, and so am I, to make errors in judgement. That errors in judgement are not the end of the world. Errors are mistakes. Human beings make mistakes. It is the way we find boundaries and the way we learn from others about our behavior. So forgiveness to me is giving myself a big break to be human, to be accountable to my actions but with the understanding that I am learning and part of learning is making mistakes and errors. When I give everyone the same chance to make mistakes and yet be accountable, and act responsible when they make them, then I give myself the same break and I feel more peace and happiness in my life. It really is wonderful to not "have to be perfect or correct all of the time" and yet have the balance to be sensible and kind to others when I have made a decision that lacked insight. I sure am glad I can be human and treat myself better today!

I'm having a hard time forgiving myself right now for being very slow in my recovery and for having some very difficult issues and even for not being able to get help for them due to finances. I need to hear more about the subject and I appreciate your video. I did a video on my feed recently about self-harm. These two subjects go hand-in-hand for me. I obviously wouldn't be as likely to self harm if I had a more forgiving attitude toward myself. Self-forgiveness I think would break the destructive cycle for me. But I still have a negative tape in my head that says if I forgive myself I'm just letting myself off the hook and excusing myself and making excuses again. I'm not sure where the line between making lame excuses and forgiving myself is. Theres forgiving myself and there's being lazy. I'm not sure which is which still. I feel like I'm breaking a very universal law if I forgive myself.

thanks,

carol

Warm weather makes me feel self conscious because I see other girls in their nice bikini walking around.