TW//// Sort of a sh diary; questions, thoughts, recovery, etc. ❤️🩹
So I think writing these things down and asking questions that some of u might be able to answer will help me a bit. The main thing is, I don’t know why I should stop. It doesn’t even hurt me that much, the cuts are thin and never deep because I don’t have anything I could use (my friends took my sharpest things). I know they’re lovely friends because they care, but honestly don’t know why I should stop. It only hurts me, anyway. And it doesn’t even hurt most of the time. I’ve read lists of reasons to stop but they don’t seem to give me reason to, it just all seems a bit pointless. I’m awful ik, but seriously why should I stop?
Dance might be an answer; I feel so bad because can’t find way to hide them when wearing leotards at dance. But honestly there is no answer to that, I just gotta deal with it and answer any questions asked. My parents already know; what’s the worst that can happen? So I really don’t see why I should stop. Makes me horrible, I know. And I feel extra bad cos for some messed up reason I like seeing the scars on my arms 😖 sometimes they make me feel sick to look at tho, it depends.
Sorry that’s quite long, it’s fine if nobody reads it I suppose. If someone does tho, just…. idk. Idk what to do. Anything anyone could say would be lovely❤️
@Phoenix1234theythem yk i can fr relate to this like alot like my only motivator is that i have to hide it also i get what u mean by feeling sick when u see it i do alot..... but i mean at least u got smth to give u some motivation i fr hope u to best in recovering
@Sebastian0o0
😭❤️thank u sebb just i don’t rlly have motivation anymore, starting not to care whether ppl see because what are they gonna do bout it? tell parents? they already know
@Phoenix1234theythem hmm i mean if this will help idk but like how do u think your life would improve if u quit?
@Sebastian0o0
idek at this point 😭 sorry
@Phoenix1234theythem ill try to help u think of smth like for me personally the tw---- urges are very distracting which makes it so i cant focus in class, ummm i cant think of anymore but also at the end of the it is an addiction and addictions are no good
@Phoenix1234theythem don’t feel bad about liking seeing scars and sometimes not. I was very similar in that regard I wanted the scars and I sometimes would go out of my way to make sure I scarred. But I do want you to know that you are loved. You clearly have friends that are concerned for your safety. But if you want my story as to why I wanted to stop, over 8 years ago actually, was because I knew I was not in a good state of mind but more importantly because I saw how it affected those closest to me, I felt guilty for making them sad at something that I wanted to use to only punish myself or make me feel something. But I also later learned that feeling guilty for my loved one’s sadness was the last thing they wanted because they knew I was hurting even if it didn’t feel like it to me at the time. I hope this helps, and I am happy to be here for you.
I do have one question. If you don’t know why you should stop, then do you know why you should continue?
@affectionateNorth7484
good question.. because it doesn’t actually hurt, it relieves some of the heaviness I feel n makes me feel something besides plain bad on the inside..
Okay, thank you for telling me. Your openness is a sign of just how strong 💪 you are. I often felt that self harm would achieve a similar effect for me at times when I was going through it years ago.
Do you have any mental health professionals that you are currently seeming help from, or are on a waitlist for?
@affectionateNorth7484
the school counsellor but idk how much i can tell her.. might have to write a letter
Why do you feel like you are limited in what you can tell her?
@affectionateNorth7484
thank you so much :) yes it does help a bit❤️
I’m glad to hear that. I’m here to help any way I can.
That's great to hear! You're doing amazing! As for bringing a friend, that is up to you on what you feel comfortable with doing. It takes a lot of self awareness to know how you might respond to have a friend present. Once you send it, let me know and we can talk strategies to help in the mean time.
@affectionateNorth7484
thanks! :) I sent it, but am going to sleep soon so will reply tmrw morning, thanks again tho :)
Of course, get some sleep. You’ve done amazing work today! You should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of you!
@Phoenix1234theythem
How are you doing today? I hope you’re feeling good. You did great work yesterday.
@affectionateNorth7484
yea the counsellor replied to my email :) i think it’s gonna be alright, thank you ❤️
That’s great to hear! You’ve done fantastically.⭐️ I am so proud of you! If you need anything more, please do not hesitate to reach out to your friends, parents, or anyone one here.
Hey, I wanted to check in with you and see how your meeting with your counselor went.
@affectionateNorth7484
thanks! I think it went alright, I also went to the psychiatrist and uhh well I’m on antidepressants now which I gotta wait a few weeks to see if they’re properly working
That’s good to hear. Antidepressants can take a while to take full effect. But in the meantime if you need any help feel free to reach out to anyone on here or in your life. You’re doing great!
