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Building Self-esteem series: The role of Accountability

Hope February 5th

Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Thank you for following our building self-esteem series. This week’s topic is the role of accountability in building self-esteem. 

If you are wondering why accountability is relevant to this series,  think of it like this: when you blame others or shrug off mistakes, you give away control. But when you step up and say "I own this," something magical happens. You transform from a passive observer to an active player in your own life, Ultimately, through enough practice,  challenges become opportunities, mistakes become stepping stones, and goals become achievements you know you can reach.

How does a lack of accountability impact self-esteem?

  • Blaming others or circumstances for your setbacks creates a feeling of powerlessness and hinders your ability to learn and grow. 
  • Avoiding responsibility for your actions, both good and bad, can fuel negative self-talk and self-doubt.
  • Without accountability, goals often remain just wishful thinking. The absence of progress and tangible achievements weakens your belief in your ability to follow through and succeed
  • Lack of accountability can erode trust in your personal and professional relationships. 
  • All of these things result in diminishing your self-esteem. 

What happens when you start to hold yourself and others accountable?

  • Accepting responsibility for your actions fosters a sense of control over your life. You become the driver, not the passenger, leading to increased confidence and self-belief.
  • When you own up to your mistakes, you create opportunities for growth and improvement.
  • Accountability helps you stay committed, track progress, and celebrate your achievements, reinforcing your belief in your capabilities.
  • It helps you stick to your core values and that helps build self-esteem
  • Setting clear expectations fosters a sense of fairness and reduces confusion. 
  • Addressing issues directly and fairly with accountability helps resolve conflicts constructively.


Let's see how this plays out in some real-life scenarios. 

  • Sarah recognizes that excessive social media scrolling negatively impacts her mood and self-worth. She sets a daily limit and holds herself accountable by using apps or tracking tools. This conscious effort empowers her to take control of her time and attention, improving her mood and boosting her self-esteem. Mark mindlessly scrolls through social media for hours, comparing himself to others and feeling inadequate. He lacks the awareness or accountability to break the cycle, further impacting his self-perception and well-being. Both have the same issue but their approach differs and therefore the outcome. 
  • Sarah, valuing honesty, admits a mistake at work, takes responsibility for its consequences, and proposes solutions. This builds trust and respect, strengthening her self-worth through integrity. Mark, fearing judgment, covers up a minor error. This creates anxiety and distrust, damaging his self-esteem and potentially leading to bigger issues.

Remember this quote by Tony Robbins ‘By changing nothing, nothing changes’ 


How to get started on exercising accountability?

  • Begin with achievable tasks, like waking up on time or completing a small workout three times a week. 
  • Use a journal, app, or even sticky notes to monitor your progress towards goals. Seeing your efforts visualized provides a sense of accomplishment and motivates you to stay on track.
  • Mistakes are inevitable. Instead of dwelling on them, analyze what went wrong and use it as a learning opportunity. 
  • Share your progress with a supportive friend/family member or a mentor. You can even make a forum post on 7 Cups to keep yourself accountable and keep on adding to it. 

Remember that accountability closely relates to your core values. Using these two together can greatly improve your self-esteem. For example, if your core value is truthfulness, then you will make an effort to remain truthful and assist others when possible in doing the same. 

Activity (Required participation for those who are working towards the braving self badge)

Reflect on one area of your life that you can improve upon in terms of accountability. This can be holding yourself accountable or others accountable for not treating you the way you wish to be treated. 

Examples of such areas:

  • Exercise/fitness goals
  • Mental health goals
  • Educational/work goals
  • Career growth goals
  • Core values strengthening

Once you have identified an area where you can benefit from accountability, reflect on 3 steps you can take to keep yourself accountable the same. Make sure these steps are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. 

Example:

Alex wishes to become more physically active. He narrows this down to meeting 8000 steps daily. This is achievable for him as he does some walking but not consistently or enough. 

  • He decides that he will go for a 30-minute walk first thing in the morning and sets his alarms for it. He then tells his wife to wake him up even if he wishes to sleep in. 
  • He buys a smart watch/fitness tracker to keep track of his steps.
  • He also starts to part furthest away from his office in terms of parking and walks to his office. 
  • He avoids the lift and takes the stairs. 
  • In his afternoon lunch break, he goes for a 10 minute walk after lunch. He tells his co-workers about his fitness goals. 



This post is part of the Building Self-esteem series! You can find all the posts of the series linked here. 

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Hope OP February 5th

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Kristynsmama February 5th

@ Hope


Accountability is one of my favorite topics. I would like to be more accountable on exercising regularly. I would like to exercise 4 times a week for 30 minutes each. I will do this by


  1. go to the gym one day per week
  2. Walk my dogs one day per week
  3. do yoga one time per week


i will hold myself accountable by logging my activities on a fitness app.

2 replies
Hope OP February 6th

@Kristynsmama

Hi Kristy, I like the utilization of smark goals. Fitness apps can be really helpful!

1 reply
Kristynsmama February 6th

@Hope. I lost a significant amount of weight in a very health way by using a fitness app.

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Zeraphim February 5th

I would like to work on my mental health. It's foundational to whether or not I can function to do much of anything else.

Tangible steps I can take (though due to disability due to mental health problems, it's not always able to be done when I set the timeline for it to be done):

- Rediscover my core values and find a creative way to display them where I can see
- Figure out what self-care strategies actually help and create a list where I can see
- Visually remind myself to check in with myself and what I need, and practice self-compassion at least once a week

1 reply
Aputik February 5th

Great goals!

Mental health is so essential to our lives, and yet we're rarely taught how to improve it in our day to day.

If you're onto apps I can recommend "how we feel". It helps you track your mood during the day.

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HealingGriz February 5th

I need to use tools given to me through therapy more, to help myself. Particularly when I am feeling really low. I have the least amount of willpower to use them at that point. I am not really low, but I am certainly low enough to feel resistant to using tools to help me. So, I am going to attempt one tool a day this week and note how it was or was not helpful. May be the same tool every day, different tools each day or something in between. 

4 replies
Hope OP February 6th

@HealingGriz

It makes sense to practice using the tools before it gets really rough. How have you attempted to use these tools in the past?


3 replies
HealingGriz February 6th

Generally, I have used the tools when I am not feeling good. As I slide down or come back up, if thst makes sense. I pick what I think might work amd move on the next of it doesn't. I have a combo or two that I know work in certain situations. The worse I feel the less I want to try anything though.

2 replies
Hope OP February 6th

@HealingGriz

It looks like you have a good starting point and understanding of what works and what does not for you. Is there a way for you to consistently practice using a tool that works best everyday so its more of a habit to use it when a need arises?

1 reply
HealingGriz February 6th

This is where I struggle. My therapist wants me to do this and others tell me it's good to have a daily practice. FYI - yesterday my therapist kind of ticked me off with this reminder so I may not be in the best space to explore it, but I am trying.


Rant alert:


I don't know how to practice something when I don't need it in that moment. I am a musician and I know how to practice music. I have notes on a page that I go over and practice to be able to perform when I get there. Yet, practicing how to untwist cognitive distortions, meditate, breathe, gratitude for accomplishments etc ... feels impossible on a daily basis. When I am good, I am doing my thing and don't wanna think about it. When I am not good, it's a chore I don't have energy for. When I am down, I am barely getting through my day and have no desire to do anything.


I try. I really do. I work with the tools when I feel myself slipping. As soon as I can get my wits about me after being down, I will try tools to keep going up.


I don't know if I am burnt out after three years of intense therapy or of my therapists suggestion just was to synonymous with having to study for a test that I am likely to fail. Or maybe it's just that this week I am not feeling my best and have zero desire to do anything.


I am really frustrated with this at the moment. I take breaks and don't think about anything mental health for a week or two at time. Right now, it all feels pointless.


Thanks for letting me rant. I realize there are probably no answers and I just need to keep working through it with my therapist. I am just not doing well with holding myself accountable for practicing. While I want to do better and I am using my tools this week, I have to force myself which isn't the best way for me to learn.

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cautiousVixen February 5th

@Hope

Ouch, reading through all of that hurt quite a bit, as I've come to realize that I'm lacking accountability in nearly every aspect of my life. However, this might explain why I'm feeling like I have no agency in changing anything about my life. Because I don't hold myself accountable enough, apparently.

It's difficult to limit myself to one area I want to improve myself in, as I'm realizing that I need to do better in most of them. The most important goal I should work on right now is this: Getting up when my alarm rings every morning. To reach this goal, I will hold myself accountable to the following steps:

  • Instead of procrastinating sleep, I'll go to bed at least eight hours before my alarm goes off
  • I'll keep a diary of when I did and when I didn't meet the sleep goal to visualize my progress
  • I'll make a list of relevant reasons why meeting my goal of getting up on time meets my core values and is important to me. This list might help me with motivation if I'm struggling.

Also, I'll hold myself accountable by talking to my girlfriend about this. And she's really nitpicky about that kind of stuff.

1 reply
Aputik February 5th

I envy people that can get up right away when the alarm goes off!

You have some good tips here, I like the diary idea =)


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CordialDancer February 5th

I want to better my mental health. Some concrete ways I can do that are:

1. Take 20 minutes a day to relax/meditate.

2. Get off my phone one hour before bedtime.

3. Meet up with a friend once a week.

2 replies
Hope OP February 6th

@CordialDancer

I love how these goals are specific. Can you narrow down the time you will meditate or relax?

1 reply
CordialDancer February 6th

@Hope

Yes! I would like to meditate/relax before bedtime and if I am able to during the day when I need to ground myself

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mytwistedsoul February 6th

I need to be better with my mental health -

I need to practice better self care

I need to reach out when I'm struggling

I need to be curious about emotions 😬


3 replies
Hope OP February 6th

@mytwistedsoul

It is great that you identified what you need to work on. However it can be more helpful to pick one thing and create a smart goal about it. 


For example when it comes to mental health. Perhaps you can spend 10 minutes doing a guided meditation right before bed?

Or for self-care, you can go for a 10-minute walk first thing in the morning etc

Can you think of such a goal?

2 replies
mytwistedsoul February 6th

@Hope Good point! 😅 I picked the one and then went with things I know I need to work on that related to it. Thank you for pointing that out 😊

Let's add a walk in the evening. I already walk in the morning but I think an evening walk would be nice too and it would probably help me relax. That works right? 

1 reply
Hope OP February 6th

@mytwistedsoul

I think that is a great idea!

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YourCaringConfidant February 6th

While there any many areas I actually need accountability in, I'm going to have to say I need to do better with my food/drink choices. Yesterday, I had 2 cans of soda and I know I should not have drank them.

To hold myself accountable, I will do the following to make better choices of what goes in my body. (I have to do baby steps or I will fall off.)

1. Preferably no fast food for the week. If so, only 1 time a week. 

2. Preferably go back to cutting out all soda. (I actually did it for well over a year but the first taste of cold Sprite, Dr Pepper, or Coke just gets me back hooked. 🤣 It's the burn my throat soda that gets me.) But to stay focused, no more soda. (Note to Desiree: No lying to yourself and telling yourself juice is better. Stop the sugary juice too.) 

3. I need to keep a food journal and write all the things I eat in a week. 

1 reply
Hope OP February 6th

@YourCaringConfidant

Working on your health can certainly boost self-esteem. It is great that you have identified ways you can do it. 

If the fizzy sensation is desirable then you may wish to try sparkling water. I have found that simple soda/sparkling water with lemon juice and stevia makes for a good drink. 

Food journal or a food app is likely one of the most important ways you can keep yourself accountable

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Suen00 February 7th

I have a tendency to depression and at my lows I tend to isolate, be more lazy and stay at home.

As a self-care approach I intend to:

1-talk to someone at least 15 min a day (real conversatiin where I can feel connected).

2-do at least 15 min of exercise a day.

3-spend at least 15 min out in nature every day.

From there I will see how this evolves to adjust the times.

2 replies
Hope OP February 9th

@Suen00

I like that you have the awareness and a plan to help combat these tendencies. The activities seem doable and very helpful! Keep it up

1 reply
Suen00 February 9th

It feels really good to exercise, be outdoors and connect with people. It's a recipie for happiness =)

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WeEarth February 8th

@Hope

I want to improve accountability in my mental health goals.

  • Keep a journal to track emotions, triggers, and coping strategies on a daily basis. Set a goal to note down each day and review entries weekly to identify patterns and areas for improvement.
  • Implement a self-care routine that includes mindfulness exercises, relaxation techniques, and regular physical activity.
  • Identify specific triggers or stressors that impact my mental health and develop strategies to address them effectively.
  • Set short-term and long-term goals for improving mental health.

2 replies
Hope OP February 9th

@WeEarth

Journaling is an underrated way of managing emotions. The self-care routine appears well rounded. Can you narrow down on these goals. 

For example when will you journal? Perhaps you can pair it with an existing habit. 


2 replies
WeEarth March 7th

@Hope

While writing in my diary, I'll dedicate a specific time each day, perhaps in the evening before bed to focus on capturing my emotions, triggers, and coping strategies. 

WeEarth March 7th

@Hope

Sorry for the late response as it missed the post 

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