Building Self-esteem series: The role of Accountability

Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Thank you for following our building self-esteem series. This week’s topic is the role of accountability in building self-esteem. 

If you are wondering why accountability is relevant to this series,  think of it like this: when you blame others or shrug off mistakes, you give away control. But when you step up and say "I own this," something magical happens. You transform from a passive observer to an active player in your own life, Ultimately, through enough practice,  challenges become opportunities, mistakes become stepping stones, and goals become achievements you know you can reach.

How does a lack of accountability impact self-esteem?

• Blaming others or circumstances for your setbacks creates a feeling of powerlessness and hinders your ability to learn and grow. 
• Avoiding responsibility for your actions, both good and bad, can fuel negative self-talk and self-doubt.
• Without accountability, goals often remain just wishful thinking. The absence of progress and tangible achievements weakens your belief in your ability to follow through and succeed
• Lack of accountability can erode trust in your personal and professional relationships. 
• All of these things result in diminishing your self-esteem. 

What happens when you start to hold yourself and others accountable?

• Accepting responsibility for your actions fosters a sense of control over your life. You become the driver, not the passenger, leading to increased confidence and self-belief.
• When you own up to your mistakes, you create opportunities for growth and improvement.
• Accountability helps you stay committed, track progress, and celebrate your achievements, reinforcing your belief in your capabilities.
• It helps you stick to your core values and that helps build self-esteem
• Setting clear expectations fosters a sense of fairness and reduces confusion. 
• Addressing issues directly and fairly with accountability helps resolve conflicts constructively.

Let's see how this plays out in some real-life scenarios. 

• Sarah recognizes that excessive social media scrolling negatively impacts her mood and self-worth. She sets a daily limit and holds herself accountable by using apps or tracking tools. This conscious effort empowers her to take control of her time and attention, improving her mood and boosting her self-esteem. Mark mindlessly scrolls through social media for hours, comparing himself to others and feeling inadequate. He lacks the awareness or accountability to break the cycle, further impacting his self-perception and well-being. Both have the same issue but their approach differs and therefore the outcome. 
• Sarah, valuing honesty, admits a mistake at work, takes responsibility for its consequences, and proposes solutions. This builds trust and respect, strengthening her self-worth through integrity. Mark, fearing judgment, covers up a minor error. This creates anxiety and distrust, damaging his self-esteem and potentially leading to bigger issues.

Remember this quote by Tony Robbins ‘By changing nothing, nothing changes’ 

How to get started on exercising accountability?

• Begin with achievable tasks, like waking up on time or completing a small workout three times a week. 
• Use a journal, app, or even sticky notes to monitor your progress towards goals. Seeing your efforts visualized provides a sense of accomplishment and motivates you to stay on track.
• Mistakes are inevitable. Instead of dwelling on them, analyze what went wrong and use it as a learning opportunity. 
• Share your progress with a supportive friend/family member or a mentor. You can even make a forum post on 7 Cups to keep yourself accountable and keep on adding to it. 

Remember that accountability closely relates to your core values. Using these two together can greatly improve your self-esteem. For example, if your core value is truthfulness, then you will make an effort to remain truthful and assist others when possible in doing the same. 

Activity (Required participation for those who are working towards the braving self badge)

Reflect on one area of your life that you can improve upon in terms of accountability. This can be holding yourself accountable or others accountable for not treating you the way you wish to be treated. 

Examples of such areas:

• Exercise/fitness goals
• Mental health goals
• Educational/work goals
• Career growth goals
• Core values strengthening

Once you have identified an area where you can benefit from accountability, reflect on 3 steps you can take to keep yourself accountable the same. Make sure these steps are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. 

Example:

Alex wishes to become more physically active. He narrows this down to meeting 8000 steps daily. This is achievable for him as he does some walking but not consistently or enough. 

• He decides that he will go for a 30-minute walk first thing in the morning and sets his alarms for it. He then tells his wife to wake him up even if he wishes to sleep in. 
• He buys a smart watch/fitness tracker to keep track of his steps.
• He also starts to part furthest away from his office in terms of parking and walks to his office. 
• He avoids the lift and takes the stairs. 
• In his afternoon lunch break, he goes for a 10 minute walk after lunch. He tells his co-workers about his fitness goals. 

This post is part of the Building Self-esteem series! You can find all the posts of the series linked here.