Sexting and flirting at 7 Cups
Hello Everyone!
I want to discuss an important topic that is particularly relevant to our community. I understand that there may be some confusion on this topic and I wanted to tackle it head on! Please review carefully!
Topic: Sexting and flirting at 7 Cups.
What is sexting?
Sexting is having sex over text message.
--> Behaviors associated with sexting:
1) Engaging in sex acts on 7 cups
2) inviting another user to engage in sex acts in both explicit and non-explicit ways
What is flirting?
Flirting involves verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person.
--> Behaviors associated with flirting:
1) Telling another user in the chat room that you like their profile picture and commenting on another users appearance. Even if you believe you are being kind, this is not appropriate.
Note: I'd like to clarify that it's one thing to say "oh hey new picture! Looks nice!" This is very friendly. But it's another to constantly make comments on appearance or make suggestive comments on appearance. These will not be tolerated.
2) Using the kissy faces in reference to a users comment or in a way that suggests you are interested in them in ways beyond friends.
7 Cups Site Policy on Sexting & Flirting
At 7 Cups, we have a zero tolerance policy for both of these behaviors in the forums, 1-1 chats (both Member/guest - listener & listener - listener). It's simply not what we are here for and it can be very hurtful to the person on the other side of the chat window. We are a compassionate, support network and we have no space for these behaviors. In fact, these behaviors work against us. They distract us from our mission.
Special notice to feminine presenting users: I know that everyone can be vulnerable to be on the receiving ends of these behavior. But the vast majority of the incoming reports signify that feminine presenting users are more likely to be targeted. Therefore, Id like to give a little notice specifically to this specific group. I want you all to feel empowered. If you are asked to engage in a sexual chat, please remove yourself immediately and report that user.
If this happens to you, you may feel uncomfortable or unsafe and that is understandable. Please take a self-care break, find a peer supporter or log on to your member account, but please know, we are actively working to remove these users from the community. If you see something, say something & protect yourself.
Here is what we will be doing to continue to remove & discourage these behaviors in our community:
1) Group support/ listener side chat rooms: warning system in place
2) Added censoring from the Member/Guest side. Note: We have no intention of hindering any member/guest ability to discuss a sexual problem. We will not censor specific words. Instead, we will censor specific phrases in which the context is clearly indicated.
3) Noni tip early presented early in the chat
4) Further language around the website (when you press the connect now button/ listener training)..etc. which works to further emphasize this point.
5) More education and culture building ( I hope to do a community discussion on this topic soon)
Thanks everyone!
Im so glad! I was actually thinking about this whenever the word "babe" would be mentioned because I personally don't like it. Also, it's def going to create some anger since most people get upset and let it known that they are recieving warnings . Maybe this will take care of the issue with people that are exchanging numbers as well because they talk about texting each other.
Thanks so much for the post! I constantly get people trying to flirt or make comments about my profile picture, but I will keep this in mind. Great post, thanks!
@Laura
What if someone is confessing they began a relationship with a listener here at 7 Cups?
That is a huge issue I believe as the relationship listener - member is higly compromised.
I - as a listener - who is listening to a problem related to this confession - what am I to do in this situation? Warn the member and talk with a moderator or ? I believe my position (or any other listener's position when finding out about this) is sensitive as you are somehow pressured by keeping vs breaking the confidentiality.
@cristiana33, thank you for your question, it's a really good issue that you have raised. If a member comes to you to tell you about having entered into a relationship with another listener I would do one of two things:
If the member is upset, needs support, is scared, confused and unsure of what to do I would spend a little time talking to them, reassuring them, validating their feelings and letting them know that a listener should not have put them in such a position and that we are here to help. I would then encourage them to reach out to a community manager by emailing community@7cups.com. A community manager is far better placed to deal with this situation and support them, as well as being able to address the concerns with the relevant listener. Important to note, I wouldnt continue chatting to the member about the issue for very long as its not our job as listeners to provide this type of conflict resolution and only results in triangulation where typically nothing is resolved, so do encourage them to reach out to a CM.
If the member shares with you in your 1-on-1 chat that they have entered into a relationship with another listener but, unlike the above, isnt distressed by it, I would encourage you as a listener to report this by emailing community@7cups.com or I would use this form. I know you mention confidentiality as being key, but I believe that as listeners we have a duty of care here at 7cups to report listener behaviour that goes against the community guidelines, and certainly to report behaviour that could be harmful to members and place them at risk, physically or emotionally.
A listener entering into a relationship with a member is a huge breach of the rules so in both instances I would want the community managers involved, either by giving the member the option to report the behaviour or reporting it myself.
I hope this helps :)
@Soulsurfer: This helps a lot, indeed. Thanks a lot for taking time into responding, I really wanted to know what are my limits as a listener in this conflict resolution.
@Laura - thanks for the post - definitely a very important issue to address and I'm glad that we are. It's been a while since I've done new user training, but is there something in it clearly explaining a) how to block an inappropriate member and b) how to get peer support after it happens? As someone pointed out before, this tends to impact new members disproportionately, so making sure that they feel empowered to deal with the situation and like they have a safe space to process it afterwards is key.
So happy you're addressing such an important issue, as i in the past have had remarks made by people trying to flirt with me which has left me feeling quite uncomfortable.
I am so glad we are addressing this! I cant wait to see were this leads everything! I hope this helps us keep the chats a little safer to say :D
This is wonderful Laura, I'm glad that this problem had been finally acknowledged ! Thank you !
Being a new male listener I am sure I do not get targeted nearly as much however I have had an uncomfortable convo where I had to firmly place boundaries down. If they cannot abide by those boundaries than they should not be talking to you. Reiterating the ZERO TOLERANCE policy 7 cups has is an easy way to excuse yourself from an uncomfortable situation. Trolls suck in general, here, it's borderline criminal. People are donating their time, emotional resources, knowledge and patience. They are the last people who should be targeted.
I love this forum! My first week I've already had to block 3 people for saying extremely explicit/sexual things in a chat, and its good to know that I'm doing it right!
Oh my gosh please keep doing that! I don't think enough people use the block option when someone is getting out of hand.
Yes! I feel so bad sometimes because I truly want to help everyone, but some people literally are borderline sexually harassing me. Like I wouldn't want anyone at all to talk to me that way. So I'm like you know I tried to help you, but clearly I cannot do that, so I'm going to have to let you go at this time, have a great night. That's all I can really do, then block them. Sometimes it must be done!
I think that posting personal pictures can also attract this sort of behaviour from trolls. We are encouraged to keep our personal identities to ourselves and for me I feel that also means that I will keep from posting exposing personal images from my profile. Not only will that be one step toward avoiding these occurrences but it is a little more professional, in my opinion anyway. We have facebook to post personal profile pictures, here we are about the guests and members that come in search of someone to listen and hear them.