today
today at lunch I sat down and a friend tried to get me to say snickers without the s don't try it makes you say the n-word but it upset me and I and this "friend" got into a fight and his girlfriend got upset then told everyone that she got really triggered by the yelling because her parents are mentally abusive and she doesn't like yelling (my parents are the exact same) but I tried to explain my side of the story and everyone was telling me that I just shouldn't fight people anymore. Is this fight my fault
@imaginaryfriendsIf he treats you in this manner, he is no longer a friend and is toxic. Don't worry, it's not your fault. Once everyone has recovered from the incident, tell them the truth. Don't talk to your "friend" for a few days. He will realize what a wonderful friend he has just lost.
@imaginaryfriends,
without the context it is impossible to say whether you gotvupset for a reason.
@dukeofdearham I struggle with two mood disorders and I know I can't blame them but I also was never taught to just ignore them or pretend it never happened as a kid I was taught to lash out like that
@imaginaryfriends,
there is nothing wrong with mood disorders in themselves. But ask yourself, how is lashing out helping you?
@dukeofdearham I don't know when I lash out they finally acknowledge my emotions that way but then they say I'm over dramatic. But when I tell them I don't like them lashing out around me or pretending to hit me or say stuff about sh around me they ignore me and say that they can do what they want and it shouldn't trigger me...
@imaginaryfriends,
lashing out will push people away. If you want to feel heard, understood, accepted, you need to find other ways.
I got to a point where I'd be triggered, a lot. It cost me my marriage. I worked on it. Got to a point I could recognize my triggers occurring. And thus could stop them before they took over.
Whenever you feel triggered, you feel different. Tense for instance. Or notious. Something building up. Tendency to raise your voice. The signs are there, recognize them and you can stop. Take a breathe instead, walk away saying "I need a short break". Anger damages and cannot be undone. It kills relationships, any kind of.
@imaginaryfriends It sounds like the "joke" was super offensive tbh. I can understand why it would upset and trigger you. Like yeah, ideally I wouldn't recommend yelling at people and trying to more calmly explain that it wasn't ok would be better... At the same time I don't know how personal this is to you. Plus maybe it would be better to have friends who don't make jokes like that.
@imaginaryfriends
Sounds like a small thing that escalated into a big thing.
You will realize that if you always surround yourself with petty people, then everything becomes a huge constant drama. Causing a scene makes them feel important for a while, they always feel victimised because it’s an unhealthy means of securing attention.
Eventually people tend to grow up and experience problems more deserving of their attention, and then when they gain perspective and wisdom and maturity - they realize many of the things that once consumed their attention, were really almost inconsequential in the bigger picture.
In conclusion, an ant might think a pebble is a mountain; but if you are the mountain then even a huge boulder becomes merely a pebble. Decide whether you will be an ant or a mountain each day, and you will know that what is big or small, important or inconsequential, is sometimes a matter of how you choose to see things.
CatsInTheCradle
@imaginaryfriends
It was not your fault. Infact, you did try to explain her your point. If she thought that the environment around her can trigger her she should have just walked away from there. That fight was nothing to do with her or to hurt her in anyway. I dont think you should blame yourself for this.
