Things I want to tell you...

Chris -

I found my river. I'm sorry ... I love you

@Hollywoodglitter i know things aren't going well with you, your writing resonates so much to me...i never expected that your lover will have the same nickname as mine...but don't worry i'm sure it's not the same person. For one I'm the one hurting my Chris with my depression.

My heart goes out to you...this pain is getting unbearable...I think and I'm sure you'd rather be alone and have him comfort you instead of anyone that is willing. But I share this pain with you...and consider this as a gentle reminder that people still care.

-hugs from one broken heart to another-

Hey you, yeah you, sitting in front of your tv screen all day long, numbing your brain to the world. I just wanted to say that while you're there, numb, emotionless and lacking all personality, I'm here. Struggling. Feeling. Because that's what I do. I feel, I hurt. We broke up and I can barely breathe sometimes, but you carry on just fine, relying on your tv like always. I hope it gets you far in life. And I'm damn glad I left that dead end life behind, because I'm certainly destined for greater things than you were ever capable of giving me.

I know you don't read this which is probably why this is easy for me to send. I'm still in a lot of pain and I still can't move but I'm still here. I'm still doing bad things and I can't stop but the pain from that is a better than the pain from this. You took away the one person I truly trusted and now I don't even trust myself. So thank you. Thank you for making me feel and making me hurt.

I was so so so so so F-ing good to you.

and you don't care. why? What have I ever done to you for you not to care?

I took care of you through sickness and in health.

Stayed beside you through better or for worse.

and you have the nerve to say that I'm the one who causes this to be toxic..

I still love you so much, it tears me apart. A month after the breakup, you are still constantly on my mind. I miss the nights of slow dancing and sparkling grape juice, and my best friend. But, I don't miss constantly feeling like I needed to second guess every action. I don't miss feeling judged for things that I enjoyed. We both miss each other, but we both know we are better off apart, at least for now. I wish I could see the future so I could know whether to get completely over you or not.

You were my first love. You were my best friend in the world. I understand why we had to break up, but why did you do those things to me after? You were my world. The way you used to send me kisses every night, and were patient when I was reserved. You respected my wish to wait til marriage. You wrote me poems and made me smile and gave me gum when I was stressed because you knew I needed it. You cried when you saw my first panic attack (which made it worse but it showed you cared. You were as smooth as crunchy peanut butter ;) And I am so lucky that my first love was you, even if I turned out not to be yours

Things were going so well, you were my world and I was yours

Things maybe had to end when they did for us both to deal with issues in our lives but I still held out hope that it would all work out

I did so much for you even after the breakup. Not only because I wanted you back but because I loved you unconditionally, even after you broke my heart

For you to lie to me over the next month and lead me on just to say you were dating someone else crushed me, my heart wasn't just broken, it was shattered

But even through all the pain, I still love you, I still miss you and for some reason I still have faith that one day you'll realise your mistake and come back to me

Im living a nightmare that I fear will never end